# Not allowed in Alcoholics Anonymous **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 6, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489 "2014-04-06T17:48:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/21 "2014-04-06T21:05:59Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > This may not apply to the OP, but many people attend AA as a requirement to avoid heavy sentencing for DUI and other alcohol related crime. Yeah but if that was the case then who cares what their positions on anything are? Just sit through the boring hour and go home and reward yourself with a drink. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/22 "2014-04-06T21:14:11Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Yeah but if that was the case then who cares what their positions on anything are? Just sit through the boring hour and go home and reward yourself with a drink. I don’t know. Maybe the OP started with an innocent comment about a glass of wine and it blew up into something else. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/23 "2014-04-06T21:28:04Z")
> [@sandysue44](#): > > I know their motto is the only reason for membership is a desire to stop drinking which I do. Do you want to stop drinking, or do you want to continue drinking socially? I am not a member of AA, but I believe they are more or less committed to the idea of stopping drinking altogether. Maybe that is the source of the conflict. I think you are going to have trouble finding an AA group that will support you in continuing to drink socially. AA is for people who can’t control their drinking. Maybe not everyone who has a problem with alcohol has to be abstinent for the rest of their lives, but AA thinks their members do. I don’t see what you are going to gain from AA - they don’t even try to teach people to drink moderately. What exactly do you want to achieve with AA? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/24 "2014-04-06T22:32:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > _Why_ would you want to go to AA if you don’t consider yourself an alcoholic or even have a problem with alcohol? 😕 I once went to a meeting as the designated driver for Navy buddy of my husbands who got gigged for some alcohol related crap and needed to attend a certain number of meetings as part of the Magistrate’s sentence. Being diabetic, and having pain issues I rarely drink more than a tablespoonful of booze in coffee or as a here-taste this, or cook with wine or booze as part of a recipe. I got told I was in denial even though I explained that I was there as a designated driver for someone. Repeatedly for about half an hour. By multiple people. \*I might do a sip of champagne as part of a toast, and the last time I had anything approaching a half glass of wine was probably 8 months ago. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/25 "2014-04-06T22:39:23Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I once got kicked out of a cancer support group, just because I don’t have cancer, or know anyone who does. By chance did you happen to start an illegal street fighting club also? Just wondering. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/26 "2014-04-06T23:06:36Z")
The OP was also the OP in the thread, [Personality changes in drinkers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17211194) in which she posts: > [@](#): > > Why does my boyfriend’s personality change completely when he drinks alcohol? He becomes talkative, his voice sometimes changes, his eyes glaze over and he calls his mother and friends and goes on and on. He cries. It is as if he has Multiple Personality Disorder but he doesn’t do it sober. He becomes an entirely different person. I get a feeling of fear and foreboding when he is drinking. Am I alone? So an ex-alcoholic doesn’t understand why a drinker’s personality changes? That strikes me as odd. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/27 "2014-04-06T23:22:08Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > I once went to a meeting as the designated driver for Navy buddy of my husbands who got gigged for some alcohol related crap and needed to attend a certain number of meetings as part of the Magistrate’s sentence. Being diabetic, and having pain issues I rarely drink more than a tablespoonful of booze in coffee or as a here-taste this, or cook with wine or booze as part of a recipe. I got told I was in denial even though I explained that I was there as a designated driver for someone. Repeatedly for about half an hour. By multiple people. I have often heard how militant some AA members get about not drinking, but that just sounds insane. I have a hard time understanding how people can make \*not \*doing something such a big part of their life, sometimes for years and years. Don’t they ever get tired of it? It’s a good thing I’m not an addict because I would never get treatment. It sounds so boring. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/28 "2014-04-06T23:22:14Z")
> [@Lord\_Mondegreen](#): > > The OP was also the OP in the thread, [Personality changes in drinkers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17211194) in which she posts: > > So an ex-alcoholic doesn’t understand why a drinker’s personality changes? That strikes me as odd. Why? Some alkies just get drunk. Others go Jekyll and Hyde. Alkies don’t _have_ to have drastic personality changes. Maybe AA literature led you to believe this? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/29 "2014-04-06T23:41:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > _Why_ would you want to go to AA if you don’t consider yourself an alcoholic or even have a problem with alcohol? 😕 If you have just the right buzz going, I’ll bet it could be fun. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/30 "2014-04-07T00:11:01Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Why? Some alkies just get drunk. Others go Jekyll and Hyde. Alkies don’t _have_ to have drastic personality changes. Maybe AA literature led you to believe this? Not at all. I understand very well that alcohol affects different people in different ways. As does anyone who has been amongst drinkers. It affects me in a particular way (fortunately I’m not a Jekyll and Hyde type), and various friends in various other ways. It’s the lack of understanding of this fact that I find surprising in an ex-alcoholic. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/31 "2014-04-07T00:14:46Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I have often heard how militant some AA members get about not drinking, but that just sounds insane. I have a hard time understanding how people can make \*not \*doing something such a big part of their life, sometimes for years and years. Don’t they ever get tired of it? It’s a good thing I’m not an addict because I would never get treatment. It sounds so boring. AA members have full lives beyond not drinking, but the purpose of meetings is to support not drinking. When my sister got married, there was plenty of alcohol at her wedding, and a lot of coffee for her AA peers. My sister had a cocktail party last summer - lots of gin and tonics, and then just some tonic with lime for the AA crowd - those that were comfortable coming. She’s in a small town, with a lot of bars and a social scene that involves a lot of alcohol - and a lot is poured in the industry she is in as well. There is one AA group, and they can’t afford to be militant about not drinking for other people. But if they need to be militant about not drinking for themselves - well, most of them decided that the hard way. ---
**Author:** ![sara20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@sara20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sara20)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/32 "2014-04-07T00:20:18Z")
> [@sandysue44](#): > > I went to an AA group for the first time in over ten years yesterday. At one time I had a problem with abusing alcohol which destroyed my life. I am 60 now and I very rarely even think of drinking alcohol. If I do, it is maybe a single can of Foster’s Beer or a glass of wine and I really don’t even want to. I see people who are obsessed with it and I hate being around them. When I went to a meeting after being asked about my drinking I told them that I don’t want to be the way I was but now I rarely drink and it had been about three weeks since I had a drink. I said I had wine at my son’s wedding. I was told that I could not join because I was looking for an excuse to drink. I believe that AA is a cult and the woman leader recognized that she could not control me. I asked here don’t you always say 'Once and alcoholic always and alcoholic and you are never recovered you are always in recovery? I don’t think they liked the fact I don’t have an issue with alcohol anymore and they can’t get me to do what their cult wants me to do-that is make me dependent on them.:dubious: I think I must be the first person to be turned down for membership. I know their motto is the only reason for membership is a desire to stop drinking which I do. why do you still want to go if you don’t drink much? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/33 "2014-04-07T00:50:12Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > AA members have full lives beyond not drinking, but the purpose of meetings is to support not drinking. When my sister got married, there was plenty of alcohol at her wedding, and a lot of coffee for her AA peers. My sister had a cocktail party last summer - lots of gin and tonics, and then just some tonic with lime for the AA crowd - those that were comfortable coming. > > She’s in a small town, with a lot of bars and a social scene that involves a lot of alcohol - and a lot is poured in the industry she is in as well. There is one AA group, and they can’t afford to be militant about not drinking for other people. But if they need to be militant about not drinking for themselves - well, most of them decided that the hard way. Oh, I’m sure many of them do have full lives, I’m just saying I always hear that there are some who just really seemed to be obsessed with the program for very extended periods of time and I can’t imagine being like that. My dad went for a while a couple decades ago. He had a huge drinking problem but hasn’t drank since. He has no problem keeping wine in the house for his wife though. It would seem odd to me if he was still going to AA. He once told me that when you start enjoying going, that’s when you may not need it anymore. People are different, but ideally it seems like you should (and would want to) eventually move on. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/34 "2014-04-07T00:51:09Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > I once went to a meeting as the designated driver for Navy buddy of my husbands who got gigged for some alcohol related crap and needed to attend a certain number of meetings as part of the Magistrate’s sentence. Being diabetic, and having pain issues I rarely drink more than a tablespoonful of booze in coffee or as a here-taste this, or cook with wine or booze as part of a recipe. I got told I was in denial even though I explained that I was there as a designated driver for someone. Repeatedly for about half an hour. By multiple people. > > \*I might do a sip of champagne as part of a toast, and the last time I had anything approaching a half glass of wine was probably 8 months ago. I’ve just got to ask how this happened. Because although I can imagine a person being told s/he was repeatedly in denial , what I cannot imagine is how this any would come up if you didn’t raise your hand when the group was asked if there were any newcomers or something. I never heard of any 12 step group where everyone was required or even put on the spot to share. Not even closed meetings- which are only for those who wish to stop drinking. And on a completely separate note- what do you mean by “designated driver”? It normally means one person in a group who agrees not to drink so there will be at least one sober person to drive home, but that clearly doesn’t apply here. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/35 "2014-04-07T00:59:56Z")
AA has done a wonderful job of conning the whole damned world that an “alcoholic” can not be trusted to ever, ever, have a drink. I think I met their definition of “Alcoholic” (although, as a single, the answer to “Do you drink alone?” was, of course, “Duh, yes - I also shop alone, eat alone, and sleep alone”. I went through withdrawl 9 years ago - I can, and have, drunk any number of drinks - beer, wine, vodka - in quantities from 1 to 4/day. The is a bottle with 3-4 oz remaining of Vodka in the pantry. Haven’t touched it, but have had a beer with my pizza. For anyone to tell me I’m “looking for an excuse”… well, AA is a bunch of Holier Than Thou Christians (preferably, other religions considered on a case-by-case basis\*) preaching the “One True Way” to Salvation. I did not bother to look them up, and am generally nice to people who don’t know better and speak highly of them. People who should know better are not treated nicely. - - yes, I am aware that they have backed off their Theistic (specifically, Christian - 12 this, twelve that - the number 12 is not accidental). I find their epiphanies exactly as convincing as those od the Mormon Church. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/36 "2014-04-07T05:48:52Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > ::: snip :::: > > I did not bother to look them up, and am generally nice to people who don’t know better and speak highly of them. People who should know better are not treated nicely. > > ::: snip ::::. You post splains so much. Thanks for clearing it up for me. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/37 "2014-04-07T06:26:20Z")
> [@sandysue44](#): > > I went to an AA group for the first time in over ten years yesterday. At one time I had a problem with abusing alcohol which destroyed my life. I am 60 now and I very rarely even think of drinking alcohol. If I do, it is maybe a single can of Foster’s Beer or a glass of wine and I really don’t even want to. I see people who are obsessed with it and I hate being around them. When I went to a meeting after being asked about my drinking I told them that I don’t want to be the way I was but now I rarely drink and it had been about three weeks since I had a drink. I said I had wine at my son’s wedding. I was told that I could not join because I was looking for an excuse to drink. I believe that AA is a cult and the woman leader recognized that she could not control me. I asked here don’t you always say 'Once and alcoholic always and alcoholic and you are never recovered you are always in recovery? I don’t think they liked the fact I don’t have an issue with alcohol anymore and they can’t get me to do what their cult wants me to do-that is make me dependent on them.:dubious: I think I must be the first person to be turned down for membership. I know their motto is the only reason for membership is a desire to stop drinking which I do. Y’know, I hate to say this, but were you drunk when you wrote this post? Because it makes no sense whatsoever! ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/38 "2014-04-07T07:12:44Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > _Why_ would you want to go to AA if you don’t consider yourself an alcoholic or even have a problem with alcohol? 😕 Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, my face against his tits, ready to cry – this was my vacation. ``` And, she ruined everything. ``` “This is cancer, right?” ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/39 "2014-04-07T09:26:16Z")
Social drinking for alcoholics: one drink is too many, a million is not enough. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489/40 "2014-04-07T10:18:33Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > Social drinking for alcoholics: one drink is too many, a million is not enough. Thank you for approximately the seventh billion re-statement of AA’s bread-and-butter lie: “Alcoholics” can never, ever, have a drink without ending up in a gutter someplace very unpleasant - even if they start in a world of wealth and privilege. Just how the rich guy in his remote estate gets to a SkidsVille gutter is never explained. “It’s magic - evil magic, unstoppable once one touches the dread ethanol”. Modern-day Carrie Nations. I’d say the existance of a single individual who CAN drink ethanol after being classified as an “alcoholic” would disprove this rather overly-broad nonsense. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-allowed-in-alcoholics-anonymous/685489.md?page=3)