# Not blackmail or extortion...maybe even a good thing **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 26, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209 "2013-12-26T14:16:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/1 "2013-12-26T14:16:15Z")
Here’s the situation… A new employee came to my place of work recently. I know something about her that she’d probably not like known by others… not even the people who hired her. It is very much work related. I’m sure that she has an inkling that I know…but can’t be sure about it. On the one hand I’d like to relieve her of that uncertainty and make it clear to her that I have no intention of spilling the beans. OTOH…I’d also benefit by making her realize that I do in fact have beans to spill … if I wanted to…but I don’t …but I could, if she gets on my bad side. Hmmmmm…what would you do? ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/2 "2013-12-26T14:28:56Z")
It’s hard to say 100% without knowing what the THING is that you know, but in almost all cases I think the best path to take would be to carry on as if you did not know that thing. Demonstrate your good will by approaching your interactions with her as you would with any other job situation – professionally and courteously. Trying to put myself in her shoes, I cannot imagine welcoming any kind of workplace conversation where a coworker is informing me that he knows something about me, it would be weird and awkward even if I believed he had good intentions. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/3 "2013-12-26T14:45:02Z")
If I were the new employee, and you confided that you had some secret special skinny on me, I would hire a motorcycle taxi driver to pump a bullet in your brain before you let slip anything or decided to resort to blackmail after all. But then, I’m in Thailand. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/4 "2013-12-26T15:54:37Z")
Just sidle up to her, give an exaggerated wink and say “Mum’s the word!”. It’ll ease any tensions and preserve that little edge you’re looking for. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/5 "2013-12-26T16:37:50Z")
Personally, if I were in that new employee’s position, I would see it as a threat, and would not trust the OP as a co-worker. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/6 "2013-12-26T20:57:16Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > Personally, if I were in that new employee’s position, I would see it as a threat, and would not trust the OP as a co-worker. This part of the OP’s post makes me already not trust him: > [@What\_the](#): > > OTOH…I’d also benefit by making her realize that I do in fact have beans to spill … if I wanted to…but I don’t …but I could, if she gets on my bad side. He wants to let her know that he’s not going to rat her out, BUT he wants to keep the option of ratting her out as a possibility for later. Yuck. The funny thing is that the OP doesn’t know that _I_ know something about him…hehe…and I’m keeping it under my hat _for now_, but within easy reach, just in case I ever need it. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Yarster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7c8e57/32.png) [@Yarster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yarster)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/7 "2013-12-26T20:58:49Z")
I agree that it’s hard to say without knowing the basis of the blackmail and whether it is something that would get that person fired or if it was just embarrassing. I work in defense contracting and at one point we hired a fairly high ranking officer who had been busted down a rank because of an affair with a civilian contractor that was a really big deal when it happened close to 15 years ago, but no one would remember it now, and he had a common enough name that you wouldn’t immediately assume it was him versus ten other officers that had the same name. Then one day, I was re-doing his resume for a bid, and I came across the data that absolutely confirmed it was him and no one in the office, including the people who hired him, knew about it. I kept my mouth shut about it, because it was long ago, and it didn’t benefit anyone to know it. I never even thought to use it as any kind of blackmail. Likewise, we once had a very attractive receptionist at our company who had a young kid from a failed marriage. It turned out she had once been a stripper in the local area, and several of the guys had seen her perform. So what? I’m sure that would embarrass her if word got out, but it has nothing to do with how she performs her duties. Unless this person threatens you and your career, I would consider whatever the fact is to be something you should keep to yourself, and even then I’m not sure I would ever use it. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/8 "2013-12-26T20:59:48Z")
In what way _isn’t_ this extortion or blackmail? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/9 "2013-12-26T21:10:02Z")
Why not simply tell the employer? Write an anonymous note if you’re afraid of come-backs. Doesn’t the employer have a right to know something that is “very much work related?” If someone gets hurt because the co-worker botched their job – and you knew about it and didn’t warn anyone – you could get sued! ---
**Author:** ![AlaskanMatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@AlaskanMatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlaskanMatt)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/10 "2013-12-26T21:11:23Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > Here’s the situation… > > A new employee came to my place of work recently. I know something about her that she’d probably not like known by others… not even the people who hired her. It is very much work related. > > I’m sure that she has an inkling that I know…but can’t be sure about it. > > On the one hand I’d like to relieve her of that uncertainty and make it clear to her that I have no intention of spilling the beans. > > OTOH…I’d also benefit by making her realize that I do in fact have beans to spill … if I wanted to…but I don’t …but I could, if she gets on my bad side. > > Hmmmmm…what would you do? Are you serious? Don’t try to paint this as “relieving” her of any uncertainty. It’s 100% about you and trying to manipulate someone through an “I have dirt on you” threat. Either this work-related “thing” is serious enough that the company should know about it, or it isn’t. We have no idea since you didn’t say. But in either case, going to the person and implying that you could blackmail them is the wrong call. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/11 "2013-12-26T21:26:57Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > On the one hand I’d like to relieve her of that uncertainty and make it clear to her that I have no intention of spilling the beans. > > OTOH…I’d also benefit by making her realize that I do in fact have beans to spill … if I wanted to…but I don’t …but I could, if she gets on my bad side. As others said, this contradiction here bothers me. Your basically admitting that you’d extort her if you wanted to, but because you don’t want to, it’s okay, which is tantamount to extorting her to stay on your good side. In my book, this is equally uncool. Either way, without knowing what this thing is, you basically have two ways to handle it maturely. If it’s something that your company has business knowing because it affects her ability to do her job in some way, then you should tell them. If it is just something embarassing or not really impactful on her job, then just forget about it, because holding something over someone’s head like that will likely not end up good for either of you. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/12 "2013-12-26T21:27:13Z")
I would think going up to someone and doing an “I know what you did, but if you’re nice to me” act is blackmail and… irony of ironies, grounds for firing. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/13 "2013-12-26T21:40:32Z")
I’m with the others - no point in bringing this up unless it really does become relevant somehow. Just the act of bringing it up would definitely seem threatening to me and would leave me expecting that some day you will try to use it against me. So you can bet I’ll immediately start doing whatever I can to get some leverage against you. > [@Marley23](#): > > In what way _isn’t_ this extortion or blackmail? It’s only extortion or blackmail when you try to coerce behavior or obtain some gain from it. As long as you’re just letting them know what you know, it’s not illegal yet. It’s like saying “I know karate, so I could kill you. I don’t want to kill you, of course… but I could.” No crime yet. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/14 "2013-12-26T22:10:13Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > It’s only extortion or blackmail when you try to coerce behavior or obtain some gain from it. As long as you’re just letting them know what you know, it’s not illegal yet. If he lets her know that he’ll spill the beans if she gets on his bad side, that’s coercive. > [@](#): > > It’s like saying “I know karate, so I could kill you. I don’t want to kill you, of course… but I could.” No crime yet. I think you’ll find it’s not legal to threaten to kill someone. At best this is tiptoeing up to that line. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/15 "2013-12-27T02:47:16Z")
It sounds like an implied threat. Like some low-level Mafia goon telling a shop proprietor: “Nice place youse got here. Be a shame for anyt’ing bad t’happen t’it. We can protect youse.” EDIT: To add, it just so happens I have been in the OP’s situation at least a couple of times when I did know something about someone without that person’s knowing I knew it. I just kept quiet about it. That’s really the best policy. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/16 "2013-12-27T02:51:11Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > If I were the new employee, and you confided that you had some secret special skinny on me, I would hire a motorcycle taxi driver to pump a bullet in your brain before you let slip anything or decided to resort to blackmail after all. But then, I’m in Thailand. Isn’t that called a ‘pigeon egg’? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/17 "2013-12-27T02:54:25Z")
Um I read the OP as the info he has on her somehow indicates she is manipulative or an office psycho(you know exactly what I mean) so he wants to have an ace up his sleeve should she attempt to get him fired or something. He seems like he wants a weapon to fight back against the psycho. ---
**Author:** ![AlaskanMatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@AlaskanMatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlaskanMatt)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/18 "2013-12-27T03:02:17Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Um I read the OP as the info he has on her somehow indicates she is manipulative or an office psycho(you know exactly what I mean) so he wants to have an ace up his sleeve should she attempt to get him fired or something. He seems like he wants a weapon to fight back against the psycho. 1. I have no idea how anyone could come to that conclusion after reading the OP. 2. If you ever deal with an “office psycho”, dropping an “I have dirt on you” threat is _prooobably_ not the wisest course of action… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/19 "2013-12-27T03:11:54Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > I’m sure that she has an inkling that I know…but can’t be sure So what you’re saying is you’re sure that she has a clue but not to the point of _being sure_ that she does? ---
**Author:** ![randompattern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/20 "2013-12-27T03:19:11Z")
Seems to me dangling the “I’ve got dirt on you” carrot in front of this person is equal to painting a big target on your back. It would prolly be in your own best interest to drop it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209.md?page=2)