# Not blackmail or extortion...maybe even a good thing **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 26, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209 "2013-12-26T14:16:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/21 "2013-12-27T04:02:44Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Just sidle up to her, give an exaggerated wink and say “Mum’s the word!”. > > It’ll ease any tensions and preserve that little edge you’re looking for. And don’t just do it with this particular individual. Make it part of your welcoming routine for all new co-workers. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/22 "2013-12-27T04:10:52Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > Here’s the situation… > > A new employee came to my place of work recently. I know something about her that she’d probably not like known by others… not even the people who hired her. It is very much work related. > > I’m sure that she has an inkling that I know…but can’t be sure about it. > > On the one hand I’d like to relieve her of that uncertainty and make it clear to her that I have no intention of spilling the beans. > > OTOH…I’d also benefit by making her realize that I do in fact have beans to spill … if I wanted to…but I don’t …but I could, if she gets on my bad side. > > Hmmmmm…what would you do? And now the serious answer. If you plan on ever telling your boss, do it right away. If you think it’s something your boss needs to know, you shouldn’t withhold it for later. Waiting for a time when it would be to your advantage is borderline blackmail. Don’t tell the person you might pass on this information if… Because no matter what the if is, you’re now squarely in the blackmail zone. And finally, if you have no intention of ever passing on this information, then drop it completely. Do not mention it, joke about it, or even hint about it to the person involved. Do not mention it, joke about it, or even hint about it to anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/23 "2013-12-27T08:44:26Z")
> [@randompattern](#): > > Seems to me dangling the “I’ve got dirt on you” carrot in front of this person is equal to painting a big target on your back. It would prolly be in your own best interest to drop it. Yep. If she alludes to it at all, act dumb. If you ever need to pull it out as a defensive measure, she will be blindsided. If she knows that you know, she may start laying a defensive foundation right away, which may include dropping little poison pills about you at the office-such as going to the boss and saying “What The…!!! threatened to tell on me unless I slept with him”, etc… HR pulls you into the office and asks if it is so. You say “No, I told her that I \*wouldn’t \*tell on her…” They’d believe it. (Sarcasm/lie.) ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/24 "2013-12-27T08:55:01Z")
> [@AlaskanMatt](#): > > 1. I have no idea how anyone could come to that conclusion after reading the OP. > > 2. If you ever deal with an “office psycho”, dropping an “I have dirt on you” threat is _prooobably_ not the wisest course of action… 1.It is obviously something negative he knows about her, and the fact he wants to hold on to it just in case he needs it suggests he thinks he will need it. 2.Oh I agree 100%, I was just trying to explain the seemingly strange OP. ---
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/25 "2013-12-27T12:47:47Z")
Well, once again I’m too cute by half. First I use the inflammatory words in the title to get more views … even thought I know they don’t apply (and stated as much). Well at least we fought a little of **Marley’s** ignorance. Then I state that all it would take to spill the beans would be “getting on my bad side”. I can assure you it would take alot more than just not getting me coffee when I holler. BTW…we aren’t talking about a downtrodden single-mother who may be forced to go work for Walmart, McDonalds or some other slave-driving minimum wage company … or even go on a less gainful unemployment if the Republicans get there way . Heck, we may not even be talking about a woman. The whole story is somewhat hypothetical. If that crosses the line into trolling then I apologize in advance. … so now I guess I’ll slink away before **Thelma** rats me out. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/26 "2013-12-27T13:00:51Z")
The thing is, there is no way to “spill the beans” later without making you look like the bigger asshole. If it’s important enough to bring up, you should bring it up now. If it’s not important enough to bring up, than bringing it up a year from now will raise the obvious question “Why didn’t you mention this sooner?” It will look petty and personal. Furthermore, if you let this person know you know, all it does is put them on the defensive from the get-go, and give them every reason to undermine you if they can so that when you do finally let the cat out of the bag, you’ll be so generally discredited and disliked that no one will believe you. You’ve eliminated any chance of them ever actually helping you, supporting you, liking you, networking with you. And you haven’t gained anything, because you can’t actually use your “leverage” to force them to do anything. It’s all downside for you. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/27 "2013-12-27T14:16:18Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > First I use the inflammatory words in the title to get more views … even thought I know they don’t apply (and stated as much). Actually you used them, claimed they didn’t apply, and didn’t explain why. It’s a blackmail-ish scenario if not actual blackmail. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/28 "2013-12-27T14:49:03Z")
How exactly did you come by this (hypothetical) information? ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/29 "2013-12-27T15:05:46Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > Well, once again I’m too cute by half. > > First I use the inflammatory words in the title to get more views … even thought I know they don’t apply (and stated as much). Well at least we fought a little of **Marley’s** ignorance. > > Then I state that all it would take to spill the beans would be “getting on my bad side”. I can assure you it would take alot more than just not getting me coffee when I holler. > > BTW…we aren’t talking about a downtrodden single-mother who may be forced to go work for Walmart, McDonalds or some other slave-driving minimum wage company … or even go on a less gainful unemployment if the Republicans get there way . > > Heck, we may not even be talking about a woman. The whole story is somewhat hypothetical. If that crosses the line into trolling then I apologize in advance. > > … so now I guess I’ll slink away before **Thelma** rats me out. :dubious: For supposedly trying to clear things up, you made yourself look even worse than your OP, to me. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/30 "2013-12-27T15:43:10Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > And now the serious answer. > > If you plan on ever telling your boss, do it right away. If you think it’s something your boss needs to know, you shouldn’t withhold it for later. Waiting for a time when it would be to your advantage is borderline blackmail. > > Don’t tell the person you might pass on this information if… Because no matter what the if is, you’re now squarely in the blackmail zone. > > And finally, if you have no intention of ever passing on this information, then drop it completely. Do not mention it, joke about it, or even hint about it to the person involved. Do not mention it, joke about it, or even hint about it to anyone else. Exactly. If the “secret” is truly dire & might cause serious problems, tell the boss now. Otherwise, forget it totally. Don’t drop hints in hopes of blowjobs in the supply closet… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/31 "2013-12-27T17:00:55Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > Heck, we may not even be talking about a woman. We’re going to go by what you tell us: > [@What\_the](#): > > I know something about _her_ that _she’d_ probably not like known by others… not even the people who hired _her_…I’m sure that _she_ has an inkling that I know…I’d like to relieve\* her\* of that uncertainty and make it clear to _her_ that I have no intention of spilling the beans…I’d also benefit by making _her_ realize that I do in fact have beans to spill…if _she_ gets on my bad side. ---
**Author:** ![Driver8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Driver8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Driver8)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/32 "2013-12-27T17:36:00Z")
I am so glad I work in an office where practically nobody is interested in this sort of office “politics”. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that the opening post was mostly in jest. But if I was a boss and I stumbled on an opening post like this and (a) was sure it was written by one of my employees and (b) was meant seriously I would be very tempted to fire said employee on the spot and hire someone less prone to drama. Either this knowledge is something the company needs to know about (fraud in the job application, theft, etc) or it isn’t. Consequently, either you tell your superior or your actions are indistinguishable from someone who doesn’t have this knowledge. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/33 "2013-12-27T17:54:57Z")
How certain are you that she isn’t a psychopath? probably be best kept quiet anyway, but if she does go psycho, it’s always good to have dirt. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/34 "2013-12-27T18:12:50Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > Well, once again I’m too cute by half. > > First I use the inflammatory words in the title to get more views … even thought I know they don’t apply (and stated as much). Well at least we fought a little of **Marley’s** ignorance. This can be taken/seen as “trolling”. Do not do things like this or make posts like this again. ---
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/35 "2013-12-28T12:57:44Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > This can be taken/seen as “trolling”. Do not do things like this or make posts like this again. I’m tempted to ask you to explain but I won’t. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/36 "2013-12-28T13:09:28Z")
Is this a self-submitted citation for the SDMB medal with oak leaf clusters for [del]heroism[/del] abstaining from being an asshole? It don’t exist. ---
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/37 "2013-12-29T14:37:44Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Is this a self-submitted citation for the SDMB medal with oak leaf clusters for [del]heroism[/del] abstaining from being an asshole? > > It don’t exist. Nope. Was that your knee jerk reaction? I trust that I didn’t just call you a jerk any more than you called me an asshole, but you never know around here. It was in hopes that I might get an answer anyway without my violating a rule that is pretty clear. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2013, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/38 "2013-12-31T06:40:55Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > The thing is, there is no way to “spill the beans” later without making you look like the bigger asshole. If it’s important enough to bring up, you should bring it up now. If it’s not important enough to bring up, than bringing it up a year from now will raise the obvious question “Why didn’t you mention this sooner?” It will look petty and personal. I’ll contradict this. There is always a way. One just has to think it through _now_, as opposed to later. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209/39 "2013-12-31T13:07:23Z")
> [@What\_the](#): > > Nope. Was that your knee jerk reaction? I trust that I didn’t just call you a jerk any more than you called me an asshole, but you never know around here. > > It was in hopes that I might get an answer anyway without my violating a rule that is pretty clear. No, obviously I did not call you an asshole, even obliquily. I said you want credit for not being one. Would you also like credit for _not_ raping your date when she’s had too much to drink, _not_ punching a crying baby at the store, _not_ knocking down and elderly woman as you pass her on the street and taking her purse? But, like all aspiring character assasins, you’d like to turn my unflattering observation into an unjust insult: _so as to score points_ Let’s simply reread your thread title: 'Not blackmail or extortion… **maybe even a good thing** (bolding mine). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-blackmail-or-extortion-maybe-even-a-good-thing/677209.md?page=1)