# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/1 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")
**The Men Who Glare At Stoats** - After running over a stoat in their SUV, Adam Zuskee and Josh Martin become convinced that its mustelid relatives are out for revenge. Hilarity ensues as the wacky duo try to convince the furry survivors that they are too tough to be messed with. Time: slightly too long \* Rated R for Ridiculous ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/2 "2009-11-08T19:03:18Z")
Armageddon Tired: Of these overused cliches. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/3 "2009-11-08T20:12:40Z")
\*\*Where the Tiled Wings Are \*\*(a fanciful romp through the make believe world where birds are made out of porcelain flooring.) **Pirate, Radio** (Cuba Gooding Jr. reprises his role as a mentally handicapped man, this time setting out as the captain of a ship tolling the high seas for booty… or radios.) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/4 "2009-11-08T20:56:45Z")
**Capitals, A Love Story** An in depth and sentimental look at the tops of columns. Not Rated: Because nobody from the Ratings Board made it through the film. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/5 "2009-11-09T16:57:10Z")
_Paranormal Inactivity_: A young married couple suspects their house is haunted, but learn that they’re wrong. _2013_: The year after the world ends… the adventure _really_ begins! _Couples Retreat, Then Advance_: Civil War reenacting revives thirtysomethings’ humdrum marriages. _The Boxes_: Cardboard was never so terrifying. _Law Abiding Citizenship_: A zany comedy about the immigration and naturalization process. Rated “G” for “Green Card.” ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/6 "2009-11-09T17:08:39Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > _Paranormal Inactivity_: A young married couple suspects their house is haunted, but learn that they’re wrong. _Normal Activity_: Neighbors think strange things are happeing in a young married couple’s new home. The couple sets up cameras to prove them wrong and the neighbors apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/7 "2009-11-09T18:08:01Z")
**Girls Gone Where the Wild Things Are** - Hand held video of topless drunken furries. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/8 "2009-11-09T18:49:39Z")
**Ameliea** : Shy french girl finds love in an airplane. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/9 "2009-11-09T19:07:27Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > _Normal Activity_: Neighbors think strange things are happeing in a young married couple’s new home. The couple sets up cameras to prove them wrong and the neighbors apologize. Paranormal Pro-Activity - Ethereal beings band together to make their haunted house a better place. Tito Jackson’s Is This It? - Brother of deceased superstar tries to deal with life after being left out of will/ ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/10 "2009-11-09T20:01:24Z")
2012 - The Sequel. Waking up and realizing it was all a dream, Pauly Shore stars in this laugh riot sequel to the original and tries to convince the world that doomsday is coming and that the Mayan calendar was off by one year, due to a misprint on the stone tablets. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/11 "2009-11-09T20:19:29Z")
**The Men Who Stare at Ghosts** – The long-awaited _Ghost Hunter_ movie. **Godzillas in the Mist** – Cloverfield returns **District Six** – In a post-apocalyptic future, burlap mannequins are restricted to certain territories ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/12 "2009-11-09T21:32:31Z")
**Men Who Stare at Coats** – Ooh look, tweed! **Astroturf Boy** – A scientist who lost his son in an accident creates a replacement out of artificial grass. **Mr. Magorium’s Unexceptional Emporium** – The story of the most boring toy store in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/13 "2009-11-09T22:17:12Z")
Spock Treatment: A musical concerning the attempts of the Vulcan Science Officer’s evil twin to steal his girlfriend and drive him insane. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/14 "2009-11-10T01:38:52Z")
**The Lovely Boneheads** - _Gossip Girl_ movie version **Cher-lock Homes** - a documentary about where Cher keeps her hair extensions. \*\* When in Roaming\*\* - a horror story about being unable to get 3G coverage in the woods ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/15 "2009-11-10T01:56:56Z")
**Fanatic Mr. Fox** - Animated adventure about Rupert Murdoch teaming up with Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly to steal goodies from the liberal news networks. **1912** - Disaster movie based on the little-known ancient propechy that the world would end after a major ocean liner hit an iceberg. **Where The Wild Bings Are** - A young boy finds himself on a magical world populated entirely by feral Bing Crosby impersonators. **The Men Who Stare At Oats** - A group of Army insiders led by Wilford Brimley try unusual experiments to give the enemy diabetus. **The Twilight Sega: New Moon** - A young girl is torn between an attractive vampire and a werehedgehog. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/16 "2009-11-10T04:15:55Z")
SureLock Homes: A look into the intense world of home alarm systems. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/17 "2009-11-10T06:35:03Z")
**Star Track** - an intrepid band of 19th century astronomers boldly go on a 5 year stargazing mission aboard the the steam locomotive _Enterprise_. **Interview With The Umpire** - an angst ridden umpire relates his experiences since being raised from AAA baseball. **Shaving Ryan’s Privates** - a crack team of hospital orderlies must prepare a reluctant patient for an appendectomy. **The Sound of Muzak** - During WWII, a Polish family attempts to flee Nazi occupied Europe with a stolen German tape recorder. On an elevator. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/18 "2009-11-10T06:50:00Z")
**Three Men and a Babby** Three men need to do way instain mother\> who kill thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back it was on the news this mroing a mother in ar who had kill her three kids . they are taking the three babby back to new york too lady to rest my pary are with the father who lost his chrilden ; Rated vfrhn…n ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/19 "2009-11-10T08:56:58Z")
**V for Verklempt:** A jewish anarchist fights against a Fascist government with a massive campaign of interminable complaints **Washmen** A group of dysfunctional Laundromat owners rejoin forces to save the world and discover who is killing their former colleagues. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/20 "2009-11-10T09:45:03Z")
**_Hogg_ - The Movie.** Starring: **Philip Seymour Hoffman** as Hogg **Dylan and Cole Sprouse** as The Cocksucker **Andre 3000** as Nigg **Adam Baldwin** as Wop **Nick Jonas** as Denny **Michael Clark Duncan** as Big Sambo **Ving Rhames** as Rufus, and **Damien Lewis** as Red (Seriously, that would be an awesome cast. But I don’t know how, or where, they could ever get the damn thing produced.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=2)