# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/201 "2009-12-03T20:41:28Z")
**Spawn of Thetan:** The ghosts of ancient aliens murdered by a cosmic warlord(as seen in **Xenu: Warrior Princess** ) wreak havoc amongst the living. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/202 "2009-12-05T14:06:02Z")
**Josie and a houseful of Pussycats** - the story of a grown-up Josie and her crazy cat-lady tendencies. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/203 "2009-12-05T16:27:26Z")
**The Return of the Kin** : A long lost relative turn up to stake her claim in the inheritance. **Crouching Santa Hidden Reindeer** : This Christmas Season, see how Santa Claus gets his legendary Present Distributing kung-fu as he battles his way to give presents to nice children all over the globe. **Attack of the 300 Clones** : Spartans got cloned and sent off to fight in a galatic war. **The Kung Fu Panda Menace** Force, meets kung-fu. Panda, meets lightsaber. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/204 "2009-12-05T19:25:01Z")
**The Umpire Strikes back:** Tired of all the abuse hurled at him and his profession, a baseball referee goes on a killing spree. One Strike…And you’re out. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/205 "2009-12-05T20:11:58Z")
> [@Serenata67](#): > > **Josie and a houseful of Pussycats** - the story of a grown-up Josie and her crazy cat-lady tendencies. Josie and the Pųssies: Lesbian Porn Movie ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/206 "2009-12-06T01:53:15Z")
**Blood of Dracula’s Assh\*le:** Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing’s infamous gay porn horror flick. Van Helsing finally gets the upper…um…hand. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/207 "2009-12-07T10:32:49Z")
**Lulz on the Bridge** : Two teenagers get stoned on a bridge, listen to some cool music, and then meet aspiring young actresses with whom they have affairs. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/208 "2009-12-07T11:51:40Z")
**3:10 To Yma** - A small time rancher must guard an outlaw who is determined to attend an Yma Sumac concert. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/209 "2009-12-07T12:34:22Z")
**Blindside of the Mountain** An Olympic hopeful skier hits the skids and moves to Texas to play football. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/210 "2009-12-07T15:44:20Z")
**Pet Seminary:** A cat aspires to the priesthood. **The Toyminator:** An unstoppable killing machine has been sent back in time to take out Santa’s elves. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/211 "2009-12-07T16:25:21Z")
**August Rush Hour:** A musical prodigy gets mixed up with a Hong Kong detective and a cocky American cop who are trying to solve a kidnapping. **A Little Night Music and Lyrics:** In this sequel to the popular romantic comedy, Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore give up on original compositions and decide to simply plagiarize Stephen Sondheim. **Paint Your Wagons East:** A number of drama and comedy actors in a film that should never have been a musical. Probably shouldn’t have been a film either. **White Christmas with the Kranks:** Holiday heartwarmer about a couple who decide to skip Christmas, and the crooner and dancer who show up in an effort to convince them not to. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/212 "2009-12-07T18:09:51Z")
**Marley & Me** - the long awaited sequel to A Christmas Carol. It’s Boxing Day, Ebenezer has changed, and Marley visits again… to make him celebrate the spirit of Boxing Day. Then does the same for New Years, then the same for pretty much every holiday. When he haunts him for Groundhog’s Day Scrooge (Owen Wilson) finally realizes his old friend and partner (Ben Stiller) is just hanging around because he’s bored and lonely in limbo, so he tries to exorcise him with everything from an inept priest (Edward Norton) to a flatulent chimney sweep (Dick Van Dyke) to a gay channeler (Will Ferrell) before finally settling on a seductive damned she-spirit (Jennifer Anniston). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/213 "2009-12-07T20:31:13Z")
**The Stink:** Mutant skunks whose scent brings death terrorize the city. One Black cat is humanity’s last hope. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/214 "2009-12-07T20:41:37Z")
**Bill & Opus’s Excellent Adventure** : George Carlin comes to our time to teach the members of Billy & The Boingers to change their name to Deathtongue. ACK!, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/215 "2009-12-07T20:45:59Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > **Bill & Opus’s Excellent Adventure** : George Carlin comes to our time to teach the members of Billy & The Boingers to change their name to Deathtongue. ACK!, dude. I would totally see that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/216 "2009-12-07T22:40:21Z")
**House of Whacks:** Vincent Price runs a club that specializes in spanking its wealthy clientele. Voted Best Picture by Masochist Monthly. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/217 "2009-12-07T22:44:31Z")
**Repo Man the Genetic Opera:** A 1964 Chevy Malibu with dead aliens in the trunk upsets an underground organ harvesting operation. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/218 "2009-12-07T23:47:51Z")
**Homo Lone** : With his family away on vacation, a young boy has the privacy to contemplate his sexuality. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/219 "2009-12-08T00:02:05Z")
**How Green Was My Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing** - A Welsh coal miner winds up in the ER after eating some iffy pub grub. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/220 "2009-12-08T00:34:01Z")
**Bring Me the Bread of Alfredo Garcia:** After a bizarre chain of events causes cocaine to be mixed into his flour, a Mexican baker finds himself the target of police, gangsters, and people who just love his new recipe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=12)