# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/221 "2009-12-08T07:28:41Z")
**Midnight Plowboy** - A farmer’s dimwitted son completely misunderstands his father’s order to spend the weekend hoeing. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/222 "2009-12-08T18:38:56Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > **Marley & Me** - the long awaited sequel to A Christmas Carol. It’s Boxing Day, Ebenezer has changed, and Marley visits again… to make him celebrate the spirit of Boxing Day. Then does the same for New Years, then the same for pretty much every holiday. When he haunts him for Groundhog’s Day Scrooge (Owen Wilson) finally realizes his old friend and partner (Ben Stiller) is just hanging around because he’s bored and lonely in limbo, so he tries to exorcise him with everything from an inept priest (Edward Norton) to a flatulent chimney sweep (Dick Van Dyke) to a gay channeler (Will Ferrell) before finally settling on a seductive damned she-spirit (Jennifer Anniston). I’d buy a ticket. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/223 "2009-12-08T18:55:15Z")
_I Am Legacy_ Will Smith provides the voice in this animated tale of the one remaining Subaru left on Earth. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/224 "2009-12-08T19:31:24Z")
_Prides & Prejudice_ - The honeymooning Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth Darcy go on a romantic safari in Africa, with deadly results when two ravenous groups of lions find them in their tent late one night. _The League of Ordinary Gentlemen_ - A plumber, a bricklayer, a chimney sweep and a scrivener rather half-heartedly fight to protect Victorian England from a boring threat. _My Favorite Year of Living Dangerously_ - A callow but endearing TV network gofer gets caught up in Third World political intrigue. _The Patriot Games_ - Through the miracle of time travel, a soldier from the American Revolution and a present-day IRA gunman make common cause against their British oppressors in both eras. _Straight Outta Africa_ - L.A. gangstas disrupt the lives of a lonely farmwife and her pilot lover. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/225 "2009-12-09T00:10:44Z")
**The Giant Iron:** A behind the scenes look at an art installation featuring supersized household items ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/226 "2009-12-09T00:19:25Z")
**Deconstructing Henry:** Musicologists, anthropologists, and critics get together for an in depth examination of the song “I’m Henry VIII I Am” (2 hrs.) Nobody will be allowed to leave during the thrilling conclusion. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/227 "2009-12-09T12:41:31Z")
**The Phantom Menace of the Opera** - A sad & pathetic figure disrupts a producer’s efforts to stage a grand space opera. Starring Jar Jar Binks as the Phantom ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/228 "2009-12-09T17:17:57Z")
Meet the Swiss Family Robinsons: An inventor uses a time machine to go back in time and meet the Robinsons. Boredom ensues. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/229 "2009-12-09T17:54:15Z")
**A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Penthouse Forum:** T.M.I. **Goatbusters:** “I am Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Goatser” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/230 "2009-12-09T18:01:05Z")
**Starch Wars** – It’s Frito Lay against Jays to see who will dominate the galaxy’s snack trade. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/231 "2009-12-09T18:42:38Z")
**Next Friday the 13th.** - Deebo, who was raped in jail until he died, comes back to haunt Day-Day and his family. He gets killed when Craig drives a blunt-laden stake through his head. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/232 "2009-12-09T20:20:39Z")
**Dennis the Phantom Menace:** an annoying little kid brings about the collapse of the Old Republic due to his constant harassment of his neighbor, the future Darth Wilson. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/233 "2009-12-09T21:47:42Z")
**The White Goddess** – Ramar of the Jungle and friends try to puzzle out Robert Graves’ treatise on Mythology and the Origin of the Alphabet. No one under an I.Q. of 200 admitted without a Mensa member. > **[White Goddess (1953) ⭐ 5.2 | Adventure, Drama](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046545/)** > > 1h 10m ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/234 "2009-12-09T21:58:18Z")
_Aeon Flux Capacitor_ - Doc Brown and Marty McFly get more than they bargained for when a sexy freedom fighter comes back in time to ask for their help. _Comcast Away_ - A man is stranded on a remote island without a good wireless connection. \*Flubber Biscuit \*- An absent-minded inventor is forced to close his family’s diner when the baked goods prove comedically inedible. _Flags of Our Fathers of the Bride_ - Even the invasion of Iwo Jima can’t stop Steve Martin’s daughter’s wedding plans from going forward. _American History XOXOXO_ - A skinhead convict falls for a teenage girl who writes love letters to him on pink stationery. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/235 "2009-12-09T22:08:14Z")
_Magnificent Seven Brides for Seven Brothers_- seven south-of-the-border lesbians trained in hand to hand combat and explosives come to the aid of seven Amish brothers unable due to their religion to defend themselves from bad guys in exchange for sperm donation and green card marriages. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/236 "2009-12-09T22:25:44Z")
Tyler Perry’s MEET THE BROWNS- M’dea falls through a time portal and winds up conspiring with abolitionist John Brown and his many children to raid Harper’s Ferry. She ends up taking over 4 states before shooting Brown herself when he calls her a giantess. Also features Emmanuel Lewis as a crack dealing elf, Maya Angelou as somebody old and distinguished and profound, and Rihanna as a battered woman who reconnects with her Christianity and finds an impossibly perfect and physically beautiful love interest. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/237 "2009-12-09T22:38:12Z")
**Merkin Idol:** Anything goes in the cutthroat world of competitive crotch wig weaving. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/238 "2009-12-09T23:02:51Z")
**Lonesome Doug** - A former Texas Ranger deals with unrequited love by punching cattle. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/239 "2009-12-09T23:29:42Z")
**Enemy Mime:** An astronaut is stranded on a deserted planet with a clone of Marcel Marceau.(Running time:10 min.) ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/240 "2009-12-10T00:17:13Z")
**Sallies of the Field** - An itinerant handyman encounters a group of nuns who escaped East Germany by flying over the Berlin Wall. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=13)