# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/241 "2009-12-10T00:58:59Z")
**The man Who Would Be the Duke of Earl:** Two British soldiers in India gain power by forming a Doo-Wop group. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/242 "2009-12-10T02:30:59Z")
**Tombstoned** - Wyatt Earp & Doc Holliday ride for vengeance when their favorite Rolling Stone dies under mysterious circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/243 "2009-12-10T06:03:34Z")
**The Wind That Shakes the Barney:** A tornado hits Mayberry ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/244 "2009-12-10T06:08:25Z")
**Resident Good:** An accident at a top secret lab creates a virus that cures eveyone it comes in contact with. A crack team of pharmaceutical reps must keep it from spreading and destroying their business model. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/245 "2009-12-10T10:46:53Z")
**The Third Flan** A writer searching for his supposedly dead friend is surprised by an extra dessert. ---
**Author:** ![Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abby_Emma_Sasha)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/246 "2009-12-10T11:39:42Z")
Orphan! The Musical A foundling is adopted by a loving couple, then she proceeds to commit gruesome murders, whilst singing and dancing. Musical numbers include: _You’ve got to kill a parent or two_ _Gore, fabulous gore_ _Consider yourself impaled_ Fun for the whole family! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/247 "2009-12-10T15:05:19Z")
_In the Mine of Fire_ - A grizzled Secret Service agent retires and moves to Centralia, Pa. _Wetsy’s Bedding_ - Molly Ringwald shows just how badly her career has gone downhill by starring in a porn flick. _Chan’s Labyrinth_ - Martial-arts surrealist comedy set in Francoist Spain. _Cloudy with a Chance of Tofu_ - Animated film for vegetarian kids. _Finding Okemo_ - Heartwarming Pixar flick about two fish searching for a Vermont ski resort. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/248 "2009-12-10T15:56:59Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > **Resident Good:** An accident at a top secret lab creates a virus that cures eveyone it comes in contact with. A crack team of pharmaceutical reps must keep it from spreading and destroying their business model. Actually, that seems like a plausible premise for a movie! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/249 "2009-12-10T16:00:49Z")
Yes, it’s rather a bit like this: [The Man in the White Suit - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_in_the_White_Suit) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/250 "2009-12-10T16:07:48Z")
> [@](#): > > Actually, that seems like a plausible premise for a movie! Or this one: **What’s So Bad About Feeling Good?** [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063799/](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063799/) ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/251 "2009-12-10T16:37:22Z")
**The Remains of the Dago** - Don Corleone’s butler has second thoughts about his years of loyal service when he is forced to tidy up after a family quarrel. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/252 "2009-12-10T21:59:15Z")
**The Spy Who Slept With Me A Couple Times and Then Never Called Me Back:** James Bond faces his greatest challenge when he runs into an ex girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/253 "2009-12-11T02:00:40Z")
**Donovan’s Reefer Madness** - John Wayne’s life of ease on an idyllic Pacific island goes up in smoke when the lure of Mary Jane results in the Duke beating Lee Marvin to death with a hammer. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/254 "2009-12-11T02:33:41Z")
**Forrest Gimp** : An unlucky, slightly retarded Alabama boy learns to run like the wind. Unfortunately, he runs all the way to Los Angeles where he is taken hostage by two sadistic hillbilly’s and placed in a dungeon underneath a pawn shop. Hijinks ensue in this sexually charged rom-com. **Stranger than Pulp Fiction** : A reformed gangster (Samuel L. Jackson) takes up writing about his experiences in the Los Angeles underworld. Because of a magic spell placed upon him by the mysterious contents of a briefcase, his memoirs come alive in the person of accountant Will Farrell. Mysteriously to those who love him, Farrell starts debating the merits of various footrub techniques, becomes a coffee conessiuer, and in a thrilling climax, shoots up an old-folks home while shouting out made up Bible verses. **Kill Billy Elliot**. The title speaks for itself, really. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/255 "2009-12-11T02:43:00Z")
**The Men Who Stare at Goatse** ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/256 "2009-12-11T02:53:02Z")
**Annie Get Your Gun** - when Miss Hannigan and Rooster kill Daddy Warbucks, it’s one armed to the teeth plucky redheaded orphan out for revenge, dressed in red so the blood won’t leave stains. Featuring Carrot Top in his first juvenile female lead role. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/257 "2009-12-11T03:06:26Z")
**Mary Queen of Scottsdale** - The story of the rivalry between Queen Elizabeth II and her distant cousin, retired legal secretary Mary Queen- who she keeps under house arrest in an upscale Phoenix suburb for many years and for no apparent reason. **The Cotton Club** - five archetypal female high school students spend Saturday detention together, all while having their periods and “riding the cotton pony”. They learn to respect each other and team up to kill the principal in a pagan ritual. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/258 "2009-12-11T07:57:16Z")
**Annie Got Her Gun** Annie Oakley is blown to smithereens in a trick shooting gone bad. What remains can only wish for death and kill with her mind. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/259 "2009-12-11T08:22:41Z")
**Annie of the Thousand Days** - A young orphan girl catches the eye of Henry VIII after she is brought to court by her patron, the Earl of Warbucks. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/260 "2009-12-11T08:54:47Z")
> [@wedgehed](#): > > **Annie of the Thousand Days** - A young orphan girl catches the eye of Henry VIII after she is brought to court by her patron, the Earl of Warbucks. Sadly, it wouldn’t be any less accurate that anything on _The Tudors_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=14)