# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/281 "2009-12-12T21:36:30Z")
**Forest Grump:** Oscar the Grouch takes a trip to the woods. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/282 "2009-12-13T00:44:30Z")
**The Spy Who Loved Me Tender** - Elvis Presley takes on the role of James Bond in the first 007 movie musical. Features the hit songs _Good Spyin’ Tonight, Heartbreak Blofeld, Switchblade Shoes, Viva Goldfinger, Can’t Help Falling in Bed, (You Ain’t Nothin’ But An) Oddjob_. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/283 "2009-12-14T18:02:20Z")
**How Green Was My Valley of the Dolls** : A young Welsh boy leaves his coal town to hit Hollywood! **Bareback Mountin’:** The same as before but with all the deleted scenes inserted back in. **The Man With the Golden Tan** : 007 finally enjoys an uneventful vacation in the tropics. \*\*The Day After Tomorrow Never Dies: \*\* 007 must stop a crazed media mogul from destroying the earths climate just for the film rights. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/284 "2009-12-14T18:42:19Z")
**The Last Vacation of Christ** – Jesus takes a long weekend off to relax. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/285 "2009-12-14T21:23:38Z")
**Itchy the Killer:** A man with chronic skin problems takes out his pain on those around him. Not to be confused with similarly named films involving Chewbacca’s father and wookie porn(horribly bad) and a vicious cartoon mouse(well worth tracking down). ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/286 "2009-12-15T00:16:09Z")
Harry Potter and the Half-Baked Idea: “Let’s have vampires, vampires are popular! Oh! Oh! and werewolves too and…” Harry Potter and the Artist Formerly Known As Prince: Harry decides to make a musical with an ambiguously gendered teacher. Hunchback Mountain: Story of a doomed love affair “Even hunchbacks need love.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/287 "2009-12-15T00:28:26Z")
**The Hunchback Halfback of Notre Dame** A deformed man becomes a college football star. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/288 "2009-12-15T01:53:21Z")
**Dial M for Mordor** - A man triggers an attempt on his wife’s life by giving her a ring. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/289 "2009-12-15T03:17:37Z")
Upton Sinclair’s _The Jungle Book_ – A young boy in 1906 Chicago befriends singing livestock (cow, chicken, pig, and sheep) before the animals are slaughtered in the stockyards. _A Mighty Wind in the Willows_ – Forty years after going their separate ways, Rat, Mole, Badger, and the gang reunite for a folk music benefit concert at Toad Hall. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/290 "2009-12-15T07:28:25Z")
**Waiting for Duffman** Two men waiting for their favorite beer mascot decide to put on a show to pass the time. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/291 "2009-12-15T12:57:11Z")
**Forest Gorp** – Life is like a bag of raisins and peanuts ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/292 "2009-12-15T14:36:07Z")
_It’s Not Easy Being Fried Green Tomatoes_ - Kermit and Miss Piggy open up a homespun Southern diner but refuse to serve frog’s legs or pork products. _There May or May Not Be Blood_ - An oil tycoon can’t decide just how ruthless he should be. _In Too Deep Impact_ - Even a Cincinnati druglord’s money and power can’t save him when a comet hits. _Pineapple Local_ - Stoners ride on a very slow bus… _Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stoned_ - …to Hogwarts, where they find that marijuana and dark magic just don’t mix. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/293 "2009-12-15T16:06:01Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > **Forest Gorp** – Life is like a bag of raisins and peanuts Yeah, sometimes you find yourself in deep shit. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/294 "2009-12-15T16:13:48Z")
**The Island of Dr. Marvin Monroe**. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/295 "2009-12-15T17:40:38Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > **The Hunchback Halfback of Notre Dame** A deformed man becomes a college football star. Not quite what you had in mind: [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116471/](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116471/) A Horse Called Man: Inspiring tale of a horse who wants to become a man. Animated. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/296 "2009-12-15T17:48:23Z")
**Flatbreaders** – A group of medical students engage in bizarre experimention with matzo with chilling results! ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/297 "2009-12-15T18:02:55Z")
**They Died With Das Boot On** - Kapitän Jürgen Kuster leads his men in an unfortunate attack against superior enemy forces. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/298 "2009-12-15T18:21:23Z")
**Das Kinky Boots.** To relieve the boredom between engagements with the enemy, the crew of a German U-boat make each other fetish footwear. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/299 "2009-12-15T18:49:31Z")
**The Wild Brunch** : Things get out of hand when bank robbers show up at the ladies social. **The Apes of Wrath:** Dr. Cornelius and family must march into the Forbidden Zone to find jobs. **Strange Days of Thunder** : It’s Nascarmegeddon! ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/300 "2009-12-15T19:38:57Z")
**Nosferatatouille** - A young rat arrives in Paris to find that his cooking idol is one of the undead. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=16)