# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/321 "2009-12-16T18:52:43Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > **The Incredible Mr. Limpet** - a brilliant sociopath loves the Mediterranean so much that he gradually assumes the identity of the fish he was sent there to monitor. _cough_ Shouldn’t that have been The _Talented_ Mr. Limpet? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/322 "2009-12-16T21:16:24Z")
**The Ninth Plate:** A shady chef searches for a place setting supposedly used by the Devil himself. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/323 "2009-12-16T21:21:23Z")
\*\*Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Six, But were Afraid to Ask: \*\* The latest installment in the Know Your Numbers series. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/324 "2009-12-16T21:42:45Z")
> [@ministryman](#): > > _cough_ Shouldn’t that have been The _Talented_ Mr. Limpet? Si.:smack: (Or, _The Incredible Mr. Ripley_ **NINE** - a romantic comedy about Tiger Woods’ sexual partners during a wild weekend. (No one under 17 admitted.) ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/325 "2009-12-16T21:43:43Z")
**Bang The Tin Drum Slowly** - Little Eddie Gaedel refuses to grow up until the St. Louis Browns win the pennant. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/326 "2009-12-16T21:56:35Z")
**Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hard On** - Life on the 2009 PGA Tour. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/327 "2009-12-17T02:08:21Z")
**Brian’s Executioner’s Song** A terminally ill man wants his best friend to kill him. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/328 "2009-12-17T02:14:13Z")
**Foxy Mrs. Brown:** Queen Victoria and her favorite valet go undercover to avenge Prince Albert’s death. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/329 "2009-12-17T06:26:14Z")
**What’s Up? Tiger’s Willy** - Woody Allen redubs the movie _The Legend of Bagger Vance_. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/330 "2009-12-17T06:57:46Z")
**Tammannie Hall:** A neurotic loser falls in love with a corrupt politician ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/331 "2009-12-17T14:55:28Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > **Foxy Mrs. Brown:** Queen Victoria and her favorite valet go undercover to avenge Prince Albert’s death. You know, I’d pay to see this. I see a somewhat cheesey ‘Historical figure with hidden adventures’ kind of thing. Maybe add some steampunk elements to make up for the lack of disco fashions. Though what I’d really like is _Jackie Mrs. Brown_, as a Queen Victoria of a certain age, who despite her hidden adventurous past, has been beaten into a world-weary and cynical woman by the pressures of having to keep up the appearance of a ruling monarch. Now with a reason/opportunity to go back underground into a dismal London underworld (portrayed realistically, but with affection for Dickens and Holmes adventures). ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/332 "2009-12-17T15:00:43Z")
_Into the Wild One_ - A spoiled rich kid finds passion in the arms of a Fifties biker tough. _Apocalypse Sometime in the Next Three Weeks, Most Likely_ - Col. Kurtz, he procrastinates. _Boyz n the HMS Hood_ - Gangstas win the grudging respect of their Royal Navy shipmates during a thrilling hunt for a German battleship, but doom awaits them in the icy waters of the North Atlantic. _Missed Congeniality_ - An elderly elocution coach wishes that people were still polite. _Shave the Tiger_ - A philandering golf pro, an electric razor and a blonde-bombshell mistress with kinky tastes = a wacky good time for all! ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/333 "2009-12-17T20:03:27Z")
Filth Element: It’s a dirty job but somebody’s got to do it. Starring Mike Rowe. Lode Runner; Harrison Ford is trapped in a video game. Carmeggedeon: Los Angeles freeway at rush hour. Gaydar Runner: Is he or isn’t he? Seinfeld Of Dreams: Man builds exact replica of Seinfeld set in the middle of a corn field hoping the stars will show up and record a new episode. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/334 "2009-12-17T22:33:18Z")
**Quentin Tarentino’s Stories of Dr. Seuss:** Featuring Sam-I-Am L. Jackson: "Green Eggs And Ham, Motherfucker. DO YOU LIKE IT? ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/335 "2009-12-17T23:48:25Z")
**12 Angry Mens on Film** - A jury tries to decide the winner of the GLAAD Best Motion Picture Award. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2009, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/336 "2009-12-18T01:45:31Z")
**The Letterman Always Rings Twice** - Illicit love affair puts the woman’s former boyfriend on a prosecutor’s Top 10 list. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/337 "2009-12-18T13:02:01Z")
**12 Angry Men of a Certain Age** : The jury spends all its time talking about its own problems. **Friday the 13th Warrior:** Jason vs. Vikings! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2009, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/338 "2009-12-18T16:58:45Z")
_Dark Knight’s in Rodanthe_ - Bruce Wayne takes a vacation on the Outer Banks, but can never fully escape his work. _A Digital Orange_ - The droogies get a horrorshow upgrade. _The Empire Strikes Back to the Future_ - Doc Brown and Marty McFly try to prevent Palpatine’s parents from ever meeting in the first place. _The Sound and the Fast and the Furious_ - The doomed Compson family of Yoknapatawpha County turns to street racing to spice up their lives. _Hess of the D’Urbervilles_ - Hitler’s top aide escapes from Spandau Prison and takes up an assumed identity as a minor British aristocrat. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/339 "2009-12-18T18:30:36Z")
**Dawn of the Dad** : A family man staggers around like a zombie until his first cup of coffee. \*\*Voyage of the Red Dawn Treader: \*\* It’s crewed by a bunch of …WOLVERIIIIIIIIINES! **Invasion of the Brody Snatchers:** Adrian Brody had better look out. Alien pods are coming for him. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2009, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/340 "2009-12-18T19:21:24Z")
Dr. Doomsday: Dr. Doom takes a day off. Lite Knight: Robin Williams stars as Bruce Wayne, comedian by day, vigilante by night. The Great Brain Robbery: Victor Frankenstein puts together a crack team to steal the most valuable brain in England. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=18)