# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/341 "2009-12-21T01:10:09Z")
**G.I Joe VS the Volcano** While searching for COBRA’s hidden base, the Joes dive intoan active volcano the volcano wins ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/342 "2009-12-21T04:04:20Z")
**Little Miss Sunshine Cleaners** : Where Grampa Alan Arkin cleans up his own dead body. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/343 "2009-12-21T05:17:59Z")
**Guy Smiley’s People:** A gameshow host matches wits with a foreign spymaster. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/344 "2009-12-21T06:25:55Z")
_Pin Tweaks_ - An FBI agent looks into strange goings-on at a Pacific Northwest bowling R&D facility. _Yo, Jimbo_ - Kirk and McCoy find themselves in a medieval Japanese village and must protect it against a gang of cutthroats without violating the Prime Directive. _The Princess and the Slog_ - When Hurricane Katrina hits, an aristocratic New Orleans girl must walk all the way to Baton Rouge to safety. _Down_ - A grumpy old man badly miscalculates just how many balloons he’ll need to fly away in his house. _Crimson Snide_ - A smartass Navy submarine officer uses devastating sarcasm and ridicule to keep his captain from starting World War III. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/345 "2009-12-21T06:35:27Z")
**Is Paris Hilton Burning?** - Panic erupts on the Tramps-Ézeelay when an occupier realizes he forgot to wear a helmet. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/346 "2009-12-21T18:07:08Z")
**At Play in the Killing Fields of the Lord:** Tom Berenger discovers that parachuting out of his plane into the jungle was a BAD IDEA. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/347 "2009-12-21T18:33:46Z")
**Brokeback to the Future** - Marty McFly doesn’t know how to quit his lover Jack, except through a time traveling DeLorean. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/348 "2009-12-21T19:09:16Z")
\*\*Dark Knight Shift: \*\*Hijinks at Gotham City morgue **The Grand Wizard of Oz:** Dorothy must find her way back to the racially pure land of Kansas. \*\*District 9 from Outer Space: \*\* Starring Bunny Breckinridge as the Gay prawn. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/349 "2009-12-21T19:40:13Z")
**Thin Red Lime** – the story of one odd looking piece of fruit. **Saturday Morning Lights** – Kind of pointless because, you know, the sun’s out. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/350 "2009-12-21T22:00:59Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > **Brokeback to the Future** I can’t search from it from work, but check YouTube–someone cut together a hilarious trailer for this exact idea when \*Brokeback Mountain \*came out. ---
**Author:** ![Trick\_Rider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Trick\_Rider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trick_Rider)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/351 "2009-12-21T22:12:51Z")
_Into The Bile_ - A man seeks refuge from society while cleaning up vomit on carnival rides. _Considering Arizona_ - An infertile couple thinks about stealing a baby from a set of quintuplets but decides not to. _The Hangover_ - Tom Hanks in a Castaway-like solo performance as a Vince, a man with a severe headache. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/352 "2009-12-21T22:34:57Z")
**Razing Arizona.** The other 49 have finally had enough of your shit, god dammit. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/353 "2009-12-22T02:12:15Z")
Laid Runner: One Lucky Man Akira and the Bee: Akira befriends a giant bee and together they destroy Tokyo…again. 10 9 8½ Se7en: Nicholas Cage discovers hidden code in various movie titles. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/354 "2009-12-22T08:53:26Z")
**Kurosawa’s Akira:** Samurai band together to save the city of Edo when a combination of genetics, torture, humiliation, and latent emotional problems cause one of their number to gain godlike powers and a thirst for revenge. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/355 "2009-12-22T10:38:09Z")
**V for Velveeta** - A shadowy figure known only as “V” terrorizes cheese shops & snooty French restaurants by always ordering his favorite processed cheese product. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/356 "2009-12-22T11:12:19Z")
**Jason & the Ergonauts** - A band of Greek heroes sail on a thoughtfully designed ship that maximizes the productivity of the crew while minimizing operator fatigue & discomfort. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/357 "2009-12-22T15:56:53Z")
**Freddy vs. Jason and the Argonauts**. Runtime: Five minutes. Apparently metal claws make good conductors for lightning bolts from the blue. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/358 "2009-12-22T16:42:24Z")
Sherlock Homes: The story of Watson Realty. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/359 "2009-12-22T23:41:48Z")
**The Wind and the Lion and the Witch and the Wardrobe** - Four kids travel through a wardrobe to the land of Morocco, where they are kidnapped by a Berber chieftain. Normalcy is restored when Teddy Roosevelt arrives in a sleigh drawn by US Marines & smacks everyone down with a big stick. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/360 "2009-12-23T01:08:39Z")
**The Road To the Road:** Bob Hope and Bing Crosby at the end of the world. The laughs don’t stop. Featuring Peter Lorre and Charles Laughton as the Wacky Cannibal Brothers. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=19)