# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/401 "2010-01-08T21:21:35Z")
_All the President’s Mentos_ - Nixon is driven from office when he acts illegally to secure his personal White House candy stash. _Becoming Jane’s Addiction_ - An alt-rock group finds itself lost in Regency England. _Charlie’s Angles_ - The avuncular unseen crimefighter starts a second career as a geometry teacher. _Beverly Hills Crop_ - Agricultural documentary with an unusual setting. _Supersize Mel_ - Mel Brooks subsists on nothing but kosher McDonald’s food for an entire month. Oy! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/402 "2010-01-08T23:15:17Z")
**Enter the Dagon:** A martial arts competition on a remote island is disrupted by the arrival of a gigantic godlike sea creature. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/403 "2010-01-10T19:24:21Z")
Apocalypse Later: Colonel Kurtz becomes a procrastinator. Left Behind: Sinister buttocks take over the world. “What a bunch of…” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/404 "2010-01-10T19:30:57Z")
The Fellowshipwreck of the Ring: Nine dysfunctional people try to get rid of a ring. Comedy. The Bobbitt: Plucky hero faces giant penis eating monster. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/405 "2010-01-10T21:04:26Z")
**20,000 Seconds in Sing Sing** : A man being detained for a misdemeanor is briefly held in the famous prison until he can make bail. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/406 "2010-01-10T21:26:29Z")
**20,000 Leagues under Sea World:** Shamu wreaks his revenge on the land dwellers. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/407 "2010-01-11T00:01:26Z")
**A Star Is Bourne** - Jason Bourne infiltrates Hollywood to assassinate the person responsible for casting Matt Damon to play him. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/408 "2010-01-11T14:02:11Z")
\*\*Stephen Kings “IT’S…” \*\*A group of children are terroized by an old man who stumbles up to them from odd places and introduces a BBC comedy. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/409 "2010-01-11T16:50:52Z")
> [@wedgehed](#): > > **A Star Is Bourne** - Jason Bourne infiltrates Hollywood to assassinate the person responsible for casting Matt Damon to play him. I just spit up my soda, damn youse! ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/410 "2010-01-11T16:55:34Z")
\*\*The Princess Bride of Frankenstein: \*\*With Wesley and Buttercup wed, and Inigo running the pirate operation, Fezzik needs a mate. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/411 "2010-01-11T17:04:25Z")
**The Vanishing Point Break -** Keanu Reeves plays a car delivery man whose girlfriend has been kidnapped by a group of surfing bank robbers. \*\*Rated M: \*\*Monotone delivery of lines from Keanu (AGAIN). ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/412 "2010-01-12T15:21:20Z")
**The Real Stepford Wives of Orange County:** A sort of boring flick about rich ladies who get along pleasantly. **Dial V For Vendetta:** A shadowy freedom fighter blackmails a totalitarian government into killing his wife. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2010, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/413 "2010-01-13T18:40:37Z")
Niagara: Slowly I turned, step by step, closer and closer… Viagra: Take two doses of Marilyn Monroe daily. A rousing tale of epic proportions. Sure to stiffen your resolve. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/414 "2010-01-13T20:30:41Z")
**The None:** Not starring Jet Li. Or anyone else at all. **Striderman:** Aragorn gets bitten by a radioactive shelob. \*\*Straps: \*\* Bill Murray and Harold Ramis end up in a millitary school that doesn’t want to be shut down. **Harold and Kumar Stay Home and Watch TV.** **The Ogfather** : The story of a doper’s rise to power in the mafia. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/415 "2010-01-13T21:10:05Z")
**My Blue Heaven Can Wait** - Pee Wee Herman stars as a mob hit-man that comes back from the dead to inherit a Catholic priest’s body. Can he solve his own murder, forgive the killer, and be content with having no sex life? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/416 "2010-01-13T21:35:46Z")
_It’s… Complicated_ - The old guy who starts every _Monty Python_ episode has a comical affair with Meryl Streep. _The Book of Elihu_ - Theodore Roosevelt’s Secretary of War goes to the library and pays a small fine for an overdue volume. _The Bert Locker_ - Ernie introduces his roommate to BDSM. _The Fly Next Door_ - Jackie Chan babysits while turning into a giant insect. Rated D for Disgusting. _The Lovely Cones_ - An angelic alien with an elongated head watches her family from Heaven. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/417 "2010-01-14T00:53:20Z")
**The Trojan War:** Rival condom companies go to outrageous lengths to beat off their competition. Hilarity–as always-- ensues. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2010, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/418 "2010-01-14T03:08:39Z")
You missed a perfectly good opportunity to insert an SDMB meme in there. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/419 "2010-01-14T13:56:46Z")
\*\*My Fair Ladyboy: \*\* A foreign businessman teaches a young Thai how to walk like a lady, talk like a lady, and hide his junk like a lady… ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/420 "2010-01-14T14:28:24Z")
**2 Girls, 1 Tin Cup** - A golf pro attempts to give lessons to a couple of young ladies between bouts of nausea. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=22)