# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/441 "2010-01-25T13:18:53Z")
**The Rwolf Man** - An enraged gypsy woman (Miss Piggy) places a curse on a country music singer turned sausage king (Jimmy Dean), that turns him into a piano playing canine. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/442 "2010-01-25T20:22:51Z")
Pilates of the Caribbean: Starring Richard Simmons as Captain Jack Sparrow ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/443 "2010-01-29T01:54:45Z")
**Easy Reader:** Morgan Freeman’s breakthrough character finally comes to the big screen. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/444 "2010-01-29T20:19:17Z")
**American Pi:** The zany adventure of high school nerds hoping to get an A on their Pre Calc quiz before graduation. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/445 "2010-01-29T21:33:00Z")
**The Stand and Deliver Us From Eva -** A math teacher in post-apocalyptic America must educate a real bitch on wheels in order to fulfill ancient prophecies. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/446 "2010-01-30T19:06:22Z")
Hobbit-Man: After finding a magic ring mild mannered Bilbo Baggins gains the powers of an adventure hero. Starring Toby Maguire as Bilbo. Hobbit Man, Hobbit Man does whatever a hobbit does. Can he throw extra far? there he goes he hit a car [http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Lifestyle/Story/STIStory\_479267.html](http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Lifestyle/Story/STIStory_479267.html) (Probably not gonna happen) Return of the Thing: Frodo finds it impossible to return this thing he’s found. or Documentary about VW’s attempt ot bring back a classic car, or Sequel to The Thing. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie Strider and his companions don colorful costumes to fight the minions of Sauron. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/447 "2010-01-30T21:25:59Z")
**The Trouble With Harry Callahan:** The corpse of a trigger happy detective keeps showing up at inopportune times. Many days are made as hilarity and the body count keeps increasing. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/448 "2010-01-31T00:24:55Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie > Strider and his companions don colorful costumes to fight the minions of Sauron. Mighty Morphine Power Rangers Rated PG-13 for drug use, violence, profanity ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/449 "2010-02-01T15:21:57Z")
Some folks might enjoy seeing Angelina Jolie star in **The Boner Collecter**. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/450 "2010-02-01T19:50:21Z")
Plan 10 from Outer Space: Aliens send clones of Bo Derrick to distract us while they take over the Earth. MMM Bo Derrick…wait! What was I taking about again? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/451 "2010-02-01T20:22:13Z")
**Apocalypse Now, Voyager**. “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the horror… we have the horror.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/452 "2010-02-01T20:51:18Z")
**Moscow on the Hudson Hawk:** A Russian circus performer comes to America and becomes a wisecracking catburglar. Famous for the scene where due to language problems, he actually starts stealing cats in full “Mission Impossible” style. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/453 "2010-02-02T03:54:27Z")
**Kiki’s Labor and Delivery Service** After a magical accident puts the village midwife out of commision, 13-year-old witch in training Kiki is forced to atone by pitching in to deliver babies. Things go as well as expected. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/454 "2010-02-02T15:06:36Z")
Kinki’s Delivery Service: Hot fresh porn delivered right to your door. (NOTE: Kinki is over 18 years of age) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/455 "2010-02-02T20:24:53Z")
**A Sale of Two Titties:** An in depth look at prostitution during the French Revolution. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/456 "2010-02-02T21:27:54Z")
**All the President’s Women** : biopic of John F. Kennedy. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/457 "2010-02-02T22:46:30Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > **All the President’s Women** : biopic of John F. Kennedy. Or William Jefferson Clinton 😃 ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/458 "2010-02-03T18:03:49Z")
Cheetah Girls: After being injected with radioactive cheetah blood three girls transform into superheroes. Roadhog Day: Bill Murray keeps getting stuck in traffic again and again and again. or Comedic version of “Duel” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/459 "2010-02-08T12:49:40Z")
**Let The Right Stuff In** : A bullied swedish boy is befriended by astronauts. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/460 "2010-02-08T16:52:04Z")
\*\*A Time to Kill a Mockingbird: \*\* A lawyer defends a black man accused of murdering two white men who raped his 10-year-old daughter and raping their wives in return. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=24)