# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/501 "2010-03-03T05:49:07Z")
**Any Given Sundae** - The highly competitive world of big league frozen desserts is the backdrop of this story when a Tastee Freez opens across the street from a Dairy Queen. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/502 "2010-03-03T05:53:43Z")
**With Six You Get Rickroll** - A Chinese restaurant owner fails in his attempt to draw more family business. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/503 "2010-03-03T13:50:24Z")
**Dude** : Muad’Dib abides. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/504 "2010-03-03T14:15:40Z")
_Captain Blood Simple_ - A swashbuckler falls in with two doomed lovers, and zany noir hijinks ensue. _Miller’s Crossing and Uncrossing_ - Irish gangster is made uncomfortable by a vasectomy infomercial. _The Incredible Shrinking Lebowski_ - After a lab accident, he’s not so big anymore! _Barton Frink_ - A delusional screenwriter and Springfield’s finest wacky scientist join forces to fight an obese serial killer. _Burn Before Reading_ - CIA agents are frustrated by a mixup in orders. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/505 "2010-03-03T15:39:18Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > **Dude** : Muad’Dib abides. You ROCK! Thanks for the chuckle this morning! _Chani, STFU. STFU Chani!_ ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/506 "2010-03-04T17:09:20Z")
**The Bored Identity** : A humdrum secret agent takes out his opponents while wishing for something more exciting. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/507 "2010-03-04T19:54:18Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > **The Bored Identity** : A humdrum secret agent takes out his opponents while wishing for something more exciting. The Bored Identity: A man who believes he’s a secret agent finds out he’s actually a insurance claims adjuster. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/508 "2010-03-05T02:01:10Z")
**Arnie** : A huge Austrian orphan is adopted by Daddy Warbucks. (Honestly, wouldn’t you love to hear Arnold sing “Tomorrow?”) ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/509 "2010-03-05T18:49:54Z")
The Strange Case of Benjamin Franklin: “That’s sure some strange case you got there Ben.” “I built it myself.” The Strange Case of Benjamin’s Buttons: Benjamin finally finds out what happened to all those buttons he lost over the years. The Strange Case of Benjamin Grimm: Can a rocky orange “Thing” find true love? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/510 "2010-03-05T21:09:32Z")
**Tank Girl Interrupted** : In a post-apocalyptic world, a young woman struggles against confinement in a mental institution. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/511 "2010-03-10T18:48:14Z")
_ **Alice in Wonderland Doesn’t Live Here Anymore** _ - Alice and her son (from the Mad Hatter) make their way back home. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/512 "2010-03-10T21:26:55Z")
**Cool Hand Luke Skywalker:** A Jedi Knight is arrested for destroying parking meters with a lightsaber. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/513 "2010-03-11T06:49:35Z")
**Go Ask Cialis:** A young girl gets addicted to male enhancement drugs. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/514 "2010-03-11T19:24:15Z")
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: Seven little people corner the heroin market Snow White and the Seven Samurai: Snow White talks seven samurai into helping her defend a small town against the evil queen. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/515 "2010-03-11T19:29:48Z")
\*\*Brian’s Song of the South \*\*- An interracial friendship develops between two men set against the backdrop of racially charged Alabama in 1863, as told by “Brer Bryant”. \*\*The Sixth Sense and Sensibilities \*\*- The characters in this turn-of-the-century-novel-turned-movie has a dreaded sense of foreboding about their existence, as strange and random events occur to each of them. They realize that they don’t exist, except as printed text in a book! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/516 "2010-03-11T22:00:58Z")
We may have already gone here but… **The Apes of Wrath:** A family of chimpanzees travel to California in search of a better life. Despite the premise of monkeys on a roadtrip, hilarity DOES NOT ensue. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/517 "2010-03-11T22:51:13Z")
**Clue[less] -** A murder occurs at a high school prom. Although Stevie Wonder could see who did it, the killer gets away. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/518 "2010-03-11T23:48:37Z")
**No Shit Sherlock:** A master detective solves blindingly obvious crimes. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/519 "2010-03-12T19:16:16Z")
Lolcats of the Navy: I is in UR Navy doing stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/520 "2010-03-12T19:34:44Z")
_The Hart Locker_ - A failed presidential candidate looks over old campaign memorabilia, and reminisces. _The John Hurt Locker_ - An aging but still sprightly British actor looks over programs from plays in which he’s appeared, and reminisces. _The William Hurt Locker_ - An American actor discusses, in monotone, where he kept his gym shorts in high school. Rated SB for Stupefyingly Boring. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=27)