# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 32
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/621 "2010-04-14T18:57:47Z")
**Serenity NOW!!:** A nebbishy space cowboy tries to maintain his cool while dealing with his own incompetence and a crazy cast of characters. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/622 "2010-04-14T20:02:39Z")
**Last Tango & Cash In Paris** : A pair of tough cops base their relationship entirely on sex. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/623 "2010-04-14T22:59:53Z")
**TheLords of Riverdance:** Plucky cadets try to save their military academy through the power of Irish step dancing. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/624 "2010-04-14T23:04:24Z")
**The King and Withnail and I** - a British actor wannabe and his flamboyant perennial unemployed narcissicistic whining roommate accept a position teaching acting to the children of the king of Thailand. Hilarity, drunkenness, accidental drug smugling and long term arrest ensue. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/625 "2010-04-15T04:04:25Z")
Two summer road trip comedies: **Cormac’ McCarthy’s THE ROAD to SINGAPORE** - Bob Hope and Bing Crosby play two slacker buds who survive an unidentified apocalypse that destroys all plant and animal life and set out to make a fortune squatting on Singapore real estate for when the market comes back. Along the way they find themselves on the run from nasty cannibals- many times- though not even the roasting of a baby kills the song in Bing’s heart, and eventually they team up with Dorothy Lamour and debate who’s going to eat who first? **A Few Good Men Are Hard To Find** - Shirley MacLaine is a bossy grandma making her son (Jon Hamm), his wife (January Jones) and their kids (assorted Fannings) miserable until they encounter a curmudgeonly misfit Colonel Jessep, recently escaped from military prison. Throw in Kathy Griffin as a hitchhiking nun, Ethan Supplee and Verne Troyer as Jessep’s fellow escapees, and a landfill of murderous fun and you’ve got a movie the whole family can run screaming from. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/626 "2010-04-15T18:16:55Z")
Sailor Moonstruck: Sailor Moon drops Tuxedo Mask when she meets Nicholas Cage. or Nicholas Cage falls in love with a cartoon character. Rated “O” for Otaku. Prints of Persia: “…and here’s a picture of us standing in front of the Baghdad Hilton, and here’s a picture…” From the Earth to the Sailor Moon: “I will find you Usagi, where ever you may go.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/627 "2010-04-15T19:31:19Z")
**Whodat Man:** The untold story of the 1920s’ most famous blackface superhero. You will wish it had remained untold. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/628 "2010-04-15T21:14:43Z")
**Bronco Billy Jack** - An idealistic, ex-Vietnam-Vet-turned-Indian-by-immersion struggles to keep his royalties coming in by producing this film in the face of waning interest. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/629 "2010-04-15T21:17:49Z")
\*\*Apocalypse Later \*\*- A 21st century platoon is sent in to find an exterminate a rogue officer. After sampling the local “jungle product”, they go AWOL and set up their own “Export” business. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/630 "2010-04-16T00:24:45Z")
**The Magnificent Sven:** Due to a garbled telegram, a Swedish magician must protect a village from vicious bandits. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/631 "2010-04-21T16:19:10Z")
**Wild, Wild, East -** Will Smith and Kevin Kline reprise their roles in this shouldn’t-have-been-greenlighted-in-the-first-place comedic adaptation of _ **Romance of the Three Kingdoms.** _ ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/632 "2010-04-21T16:35:40Z")
Twilight Sailor Moon: Sailor Moon falls in love with an emo [del]anti-hero[/del] [del]vampire[/del] werewolf. ---
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/633 "2010-04-21T17:17:21Z")
_ **733** _: The untold story of the Thespian warriors and their slaves who fought along Leonidas in the Thermopylae. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/634 "2010-04-21T18:26:14Z")
\*\*HairPlane!: \*\*two different movies are combined to create something that’s completely different. Altogether! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/635 "2010-04-21T18:43:51Z")
**The Mild Bunch:** A gang of milquetoast bank robbers enjoy success because people hand over the money because they feel sorry for them. ---
**Author:** ![hankhill911](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@hankhill911](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hankhill911)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/636 "2010-04-22T00:37:04Z")
Orphaned, Again The Taking of Third Avenue-138th Street to Parkchester (The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3) Bourne to be Wild Bourne Under a Bad Sign A Sucker Bourne Every Minute Babe: Pig in Swine Flu City Found a [good list here…](http://www.thesharkguys.com/2009/07/22/movie-sequels-we-dont-want-to-see-part-iii-the-revenge/) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/637 "2010-04-22T00:53:16Z")
**Carpaccioface:** After his face is disfigured in an Italian food related incident, a brash young immigrant becomes a drug and pasta kingpin. The “Red Sauce” scene is known for its sheer brutality although the implements never touch the victim. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/638 "2010-04-22T14:40:49Z")
**A Star is Bourne:** Matt Damon, in his last appearance as terminally ill, alcoholic Jason Bourne (thank God), trains his replacement. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/639 "2010-04-25T19:10:22Z")
**Chez Guevara:** The owner of a French/Cuban restaurant is mistaken for a famous revolutionary. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/640 "2010-04-26T12:56:43Z")
\*\*Have Gum, Will Travel: \*\* The unexciting tale of how Paladin deals with not being able to smoke while travelling. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=31) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=33)