# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 34
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/661 "2010-05-04T19:12:15Z")
_Bet your bottom credit that Tomorrow, there’ll be midichlorians Just thinkin’ about Tomorrow, clears away the Jawas And the Duros 'Til there’s none!_ ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/662 "2010-05-05T16:49:43Z")
Play Mickey For Me: An obsessed Mickey Mouse fan stalks Clint Eastwood. Jonah Sex: Disfigured gunman gets some. Rated “Rule 34”. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/663 "2010-05-05T16:57:14Z")
\*\*Mobsters, Inc.: \*\*These guys _really_ know how to scare kids. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/664 "2010-05-06T18:38:00Z")
Jonah Text: “GT OT OF TWN BY SNDWN !!!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/665 "2010-05-06T20:05:47Z")
**The Mobster Squad:** A group of kids fight organized crime by kicking gangsters in the nards. Unfurtunately for the kids, while mobsters may indeed have nards, they also have guns, so I’m not spoiling anything by saying it ends accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/666 "2010-05-06T20:38:08Z")
**Three To Tango The Hard Way** - Three African-American friends pretend to be gay in order to infiltrate a corrupt organization terrorzing their neighborhood. Rated M for Mary ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2010, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/667 "2010-05-07T18:02:08Z")
Jonah Next: Disfigured gunman can see 3 minutes into the future. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/668 "2010-05-08T02:11:22Z")
**Horton Hears Doctor Who** Theodore Geisel’s heartwarming tale about an elephant who discovers the lost planet of Galifrey and its most famous expat, joining him in the TARDIS as they travel the universe that exists inside the dandelion seed puff that contains the Whoniverse ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/669 "2010-05-10T19:38:49Z")
**Kiss-Ass:** A kid tries to fight crime by buttering up criminals **The Bitcher:** A man regrets picking up a mysterious stranger who just won’t stop complaining about everything! ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/670 "2010-05-11T01:26:51Z")
Conehead The Barbarian: “Mass destruction!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/671 "2010-05-11T09:01:37Z")
**Conan the Seminarian:** Our favorite barbarian king joins the priesthood ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/672 "2010-05-11T12:56:57Z")
**Heckboy:** Not quite as tough as Ron Pearlman’s character, darn it. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/673 "2010-05-11T13:39:41Z")
Hellman: Hellboy grows up and starts his own mayonnaise company. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/674 "2010-05-11T20:01:40Z")
**Bram Stoker’s Stroker Ace:** The story of the first vampire race car driver. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/675 "2010-05-11T21:04:51Z")
\*\*Two-Legged Freaks: \*\*The [peopleofwalmart.com](http://peopleofwalmart.com) site becomes a live-action movie. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2010, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/676 "2010-05-12T12:58:26Z")
**Pole Rider:** The Clint Eastwood sequel to Brokeback Mountain. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/677 "2010-05-12T14:39:06Z")
**A Day at the Opera** , and \*\*A Night at the Races: \*\*mixups occur when someone sets the AM/PM on their digital watch incorrectly. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2010, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/678 "2010-05-12T14:42:25Z")
_Breakfront Mountain_: Ennis and Jack decide to enter into an open relationship and set out to furnish their home by antiqueing in the same area where they met herding sheep. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2010, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/679 "2010-05-12T18:40:37Z")
**The Wizard of Ozzy:** A mumbling, drug addled rock god is whisked away to a strange land where he must battle an evil witch called Sharon. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/680 "2010-05-12T20:58:08Z")
\*\*Elmo in Groucholand: \*\*Elmo’s blanket is whisked away to a world inhabited by the Marx Brothers. Elmo must say the secret word to get his woobie back. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=33) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=35)