# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 35
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/681 "2010-05-12T21:31:41Z")
**The Masque of the Red Death:** That new day spa gives facials to die for. Literally. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/682 "2010-05-13T04:22:03Z")
**King of Kings of the Gypsies** = the good news for the righteous is that Christ has returned to Earth, but the bad news is he’s working as a weight guesser at a rigged carnival owned by his maternal grandfather the bulibasha of the Midwest. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/683 "2010-05-13T14:27:13Z")
**Larry Flynt Vs. Godzilla:** A filthy-minded magazine publisher gets in trouble when he published nude photos of a huge monster destroying Tokyo. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/684 "2010-05-14T17:34:33Z")
**SAW-- A Puddy Tat:** A cute little canary plays a horrific game with a hungry housecat in a film heavy on suffering but light on succotash.\* \*The succotash scene was so brutal that it was banned in 35 countries. After seeing it, Rob Zombie was found on the floor curled in a little ball whimpering"Mommy…Mommy…Mommy…" ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/685 "2010-05-15T18:00:37Z")
Ironing Man: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/UvFct0oaFeg/maxresdefault.jpg "Ironing Man") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvFct0oaFeg) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/686 "2010-05-16T19:51:21Z")
**Dr. Jekyll and Mr. T:** A mild mannered physician drinks a potion that turns him into a large creature that roams the streets at night pitying fools. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/687 "2010-05-24T12:51:38Z")
\*\*What Men Want \*\*- 2 1/2 hours of gratuitous sex, violence, a good meal and some sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/688 "2010-05-24T20:28:26Z")
> [@ministryman](#): > > \*\*What Men Want \*\*- 2 1/2 hours of gratuitous sex, violence, a good meal and some sleep. But but but that’s what \*I \*want. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/689 "2010-05-25T00:26:11Z")
Clodfather: “Why is there a live horse standing on my bed?” Spice: In a secret laboratory a mad scientist uses enhanced DNA to develop the perfect all girl band. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/690 "2010-05-25T13:34:51Z")
\*\*The Hoarse Whisperer: \*\*Prolonged contact with animals gives a shrink a bad case of laryngitis ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/691 "2010-05-25T17:54:09Z")
**King Kong Phooey:** An overgrown gorilla that knows karate is brought to New York to be a bumbling superhero. **The Sheetrock:** A disgruntled drywaller plans to give the city a spackling it won’t soon forget. Can a half crazed building inspector(Nicolas Cage) stop him in time? ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/692 "2010-05-25T20:56:24Z")
**Blondes Prefer Gentlemen** - The real story of Marilyn Monroe ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/693 "2010-05-27T00:59:33Z")
**How to Drain Your Flagon:** Like “Everybody Poops” only for number 1. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/694 "2010-05-27T01:58:08Z")
**The Shortest Day** : On a transport aboard the invasion fleet, a fatal fall down a ladder in the early hours of June 6 1944 becomes the first Allied death of D-Day. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/695 "2010-05-27T06:48:09Z")
**Dave’s Not There:** Multiple actors give several interpretations of a stoner returning home after scoring. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/696 "2010-05-27T18:18:18Z")
Resident Evil: Degeneres Can even Claire and Leon stop a horrible virus that’s transforming everyone into Ellen Degeneres Camp Spock: Troubled teens go to a summer camp to learn how to be logical. Resident Weevils: Those weevils are on the loose again! Hilarity ensues ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/697 "2010-06-01T19:31:55Z")
**Absence of Alice** - A reporter stumbles into a sinkhole after writing an article implicating an alcohol importer of mob affiliatons. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/698 "2010-06-01T21:51:56Z")
Slutty Tiger, Swinging Dragon - Rock hard Ninjas get taken down by Tongue Fu warrior. Dependence Day - Giant alien spaceship invades the the Earth with single payer health care plans and free cheese. Mild Mild West - A black secret agent in the late 1800’s inhabits an alternative universe where slavery never happened and blacks are fully accepted as respected government agents. Glourious Basterds - This time the Nazis win… all the acting awards. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/699 "2010-06-02T00:33:55Z")
**Saving Private Idaho** : “Don’t go on the patio!” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/700 "2010-06-02T15:59:50Z")
Iron Pan: Emeril Lagasse becomes a superhero. Marmeluk: An Egyptian ex-slave ex-solider moves to California. Hilarity ensues. The Fanatic Mr. Fox: Mr. Fox joins a cult. Did you know Marmaduke means the same thing? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=34) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=36)