# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 39
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/761 "2010-06-25T17:51:46Z")
Donnie DarkKnight: Troubled teen goes back in time and becomes a costumed vigilante. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/762 "2010-07-01T12:21:21Z")
\*\*Emo Williams: The Adventure Begins \*\*- A branch of the government recruits a "Generation Y " man to become an assassin. The plan falls apart when the man realizes that life is not a video game and there are no reset buttons or pause keys. Rated E for Emo and Epic Fail. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/763 "2010-07-01T16:03:08Z")
**Diamonds Are For Several Million Years** - Russian agents inject James Bond with sodium pentathol and learn all Britain’s state secrets and various other minutiae. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/764 "2010-07-01T16:58:38Z")
\*\*Dawn of the Dude: \*\* The walking dead break into Jeff Lebowski’s apartment and pee on his rug. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/766 "2010-07-01T19:07:53Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > \*\*Dawn of the Dude: \*\* The walking dead break into Jeff Lebowski’s apartment and pee on his rug. I almost drooled on my keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/767 "2010-07-01T20:56:31Z")
**BitMan** - A nerdy, wealthy billionaire by day (_cough_ Bill Gates _cough_), costumed vigilante by night, seeks to rid the world of viruses (and his competiton), both digital and physical. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2010, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/768 "2010-07-02T06:06:23Z")
**The Girl with the Dragging Tattoo:** A young woman’s body art starts sagging as she ages. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2010, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/769 "2010-07-02T06:10:08Z")
**Dead Clam:** a psychotic giant mollusk terrorizes a young couple on their boat. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2010, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/770 "2010-07-02T10:50:54Z")
David Letterman: So, there was a movie opening this week, what was it, _Jonah Square_, _Jonah Pentagon_…? Paul Schaffer: _Jonah Hex_. DL: Yeah, that was it. I guess if it’s only moderately successful, there might be some straight-to-DVD sequels. They probably won’t start Josh Brolin, though, and instead of that expensive face make-up, the guy’ll just wear a big Band-Aid. - _Late Show with David Letterman_, 06/31/2010 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/771 "2010-07-03T05:53:42Z")
**How To Train Your Drag Queen** : I suspect this title is already in use for real… ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/772 "2010-07-03T18:45:00Z")
Finding Emo: Bella goes searching for Edward. Beatrix Potter and the Fluffy Bunny: “Bea watched in horror as Peter advanced upon her, his fangs dripping with blood.” ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/773 "2010-07-03T18:55:20Z")
**Beatrix Potter and Brown Bunny** : Bea watched in horror as the Peter advanced upon her, its slit dripping with pre-cum . . . ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/774 "2010-07-03T23:21:45Z")
**Independence War Day of the Worlds** : an extraterrestrial invasion is defeated by a virus. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/775 "2010-07-04T17:34:51Z")
**Snacks on a Plane** : When the in-flight snacks turn out to be as inedible as the entrees, passengers revolt. “I want these \*&@ing peanuts off this #&@ing plane!” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/776 "2010-07-04T17:35:13Z")
Dependence Day: After being defeated the aliens fly back home to live with their parents. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2010, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/777 "2010-07-05T08:25:04Z")
**Conception:** A man who can enter people’s dreams uses his power to impregnate women, leading to a rash of “virgin births” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2010, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/778 "2010-07-05T13:53:37Z")
**Fantastic Vonage:** A scifi flick about doctors shrinking themselves down to microscopic size is ruined by all the phone service product placement. **The Day the War of the Worlds Stood Still:** A scheduling slip-up causes Klaatu and the Martians to arrive on the same day. The tripods won’t start up but it doesn’t really matter since Gort just zaps them anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/779 "2010-07-06T02:56:05Z")
**12 Monkees:** A convict is sent to the past to stop a serial killer from auditioning for a sitcom based around a fake band. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/780 "2010-07-06T03:25:56Z")
**Airbiscuit** : the story of the gassiest horse to ever take to the track. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/781 "2010-07-06T12:59:17Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > **12 Monkees:** A convict is sent to the past to stop a serial killer from auditioning for a sitcom based around a fake band. 12 Monkees: A horrific apocalypse occurs after **The Monkees** are cloned twice. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=38) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=40)