# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/61 "2009-11-15T05:37:19Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > **Howards’ Ends:** Two of the Three Stooges get colonoscopies. Hilarity ensues. Polyp! Goes the weasel! ---
**Author:** ![One\_Swell\_FlooP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c5a1d2/32.png) [@One\_Swell\_FlooP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_Swell_FlooP)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/62 "2009-11-15T06:05:15Z")
**The Pinin’** : A parrot is mistaken for dead while pining for the fjords. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/63 "2009-11-15T06:56:34Z")
**The Player Piano** - when Kiwi planter Baines (Harvey Keitel) moves to California with Ada (Holly Hunter) her refusal to speak gets old and he starts dating several women at once, making him a ‘player’. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/64 "2009-11-15T07:20:06Z")
**2112** : sci-fi movie depicting a post-apocalyptic world ruled by the Temple of Syrinx. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/65 "2009-11-15T10:52:52Z")
**Raiders of the Lost Art** : Indiana Jones get into the adventure of his life-time when the Mona Lisa went missing. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/66 "2009-11-15T11:01:58Z")
**Thunderballs:** Ron Jeremy fights to save the world from the evil plot of Ernst Stavro Blowjob and his all female organization S.P.E.C.U.L.U.M. Must bring own plastic sheeting and tissues to be admitted. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/67 "2009-11-15T13:18:12Z")
**A Country for Old Men** Our hero tries to escape drug dealers and a psycopathic hit man in the wilds of Florida. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/68 "2009-11-15T13:46:39Z")
**The Men Who Stare At Boats** : The sequel to _Trainspotting_. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/69 "2009-11-15T16:18:53Z")
**Lord of the Ringworm:** Award winning documentary on daily life at a dermatology clinic. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/70 "2009-11-16T01:46:01Z")
**Witchmen:** In an attempt to foster world peace, a wealthy former witchfinder plots to turn the population of New York into toads. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/71 "2009-11-16T03:42:53Z")
**The Punchback of Notre Dame** - Disney’s animated story about a family who plays the Punch-buggy game on a driving tour of Paris. **Charlie’s Angels in the Outfield** - Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu and Drew Barrymore help a winless baseball team win the pennant. \*\*Bravefart \*\*- One Scottish woman’s quest to be able to break wind in public, and the oppressors who keep her from finding the freedom to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/72 "2009-11-16T07:41:41Z")
**The Da Vinci Cheatcode** : Symbolgoist found signs used at ancient rituals in the start menu of various video games which link them to a conspiracy of thousands of years old. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/73 "2009-11-16T16:24:10Z")
_Schindler’s Listless_ - Try as he might, a jaded German industrialist just can’t seem to worry much about the Holocaust. _Final Fantasy Island_ - Mr. Roarke offers Aki Ross and Dr. Sid the vacation of their dreams. _JFK Jr._ - Oliver Stone argues that the Kennedy scion didn’t accidentally crash his plane in 1999, but was actually murdered by a massive conspiracy involving Lady Bird Johnson, the CIA, Microsoft and the Trilateral Commission. _The Malted Falcon_ - It’s the stuff dreams were made of… and rather tasty, too! _From Rush With Love_ - James Bond resigns rather than seduce a fat, drug-addicted American conservative bloviator. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/74 "2009-11-16T17:48:04Z")
**The Men Who Stare at Totes**. Thrilling biopic about the life of an undercover store detective. **Zombiesland**. They don’t bother tryin’ to find her, 'cause she’s not there. They will, however, tell you 'bout the way she looked, the way she’d act, and the color of her hair ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/75 "2009-11-16T19:22:02Z")
**King Arthur Kong** A playful romp through Camelot with everyone’s favorite great ape tenor. Adapted from next year’s Tony award winner for best new musical. \*_Slumlord Millionaire_ The finest overcrowded hovels are the pride of Mr. Dalit’s world, in both Kolkata and Mumbai. All singing, all dancing, for no apparent reason whatsoever. Filmed entirely on location in downtown Burbank, Ca. \*(That’s $21,800 American) ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/76 "2009-11-16T19:56:56Z")
**Slow times at Ridgemont High:** The misadventures and hijinks of a group of high school kids consisting of the chess club, audio-visual geeks, and marching band members as they experience young adolescent life. **Saturday Night Fever:** A sobering documentary about a pandemic set in the backdrop of a disco dance contest. **The Lord of the Things:** A packrat hordes a lot of junk and useless antiques in his mountain cave, only one of those things proves to be a thing that could save the world, or destroy it. **Contacts:** Scientists lose their contacts right before observing evidence of extraterristrial life, thus missing out on the chance of first contact. **B.E.T. The black extra-terrestrial:** A jive talking alien with a taste for fried chicken and a gold tooth that heals people gets left behind on earth after his posse drive off in his tricked out space ship with 22 inch rims. \*\*The Beige Knight: \*\*A slightly depressed thousandair is motivated to fight crime after the death of his puppy. Dressing up like a platypus, he roams the streets in the afternoon beating up muggers and helping old ladies across the street. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/77 "2009-11-16T20:01:13Z")
**Pulped Fiction:** Brian Griffin’s novel utterly fails to sell ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/78 "2009-11-16T20:04:03Z")
**Going Vogue** Beyonce stars as the curvy covergirl poised for a run at the U.S. Presidency in 2012. Based on the latest fiction from Sarah Palin (with Seadonkey, her ghost writer). ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/79 "2009-11-16T20:29:32Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > **B.E.T. The black extra-terrestrial:** A jive talking alien with a taste for fried chicken and a gold tooth that heals people gets left behind on earth after his posse drive off in his tricked out space ship with 22 inch rims. It’s been done, just with a [different title](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087004/). **The Texas Cheney Saw Massacre** - when Bush asks his former VP to saw some wood with his elderly conservative friend all hell breaks loose. **Jesús of Nazareth** - Jesús Ramirez crosses the border but only has enough money to get to [north Texas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazareth,_Texas)before he has to try to find work pretending not to be an illegal. His goal is to get to his girlfriend in [small town Pennsylvania](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazareth,_Pennsylvania). **Gods and Generals and Monsters** - the touching tale of a gay former Confederate general (Sir Ian McKellan) living in Hollywood and the past in some order and in lust with his yard man (Brendan Fraser). **Less Miserables** - somebody is killing the members of a depression group therapy session so that there are fewer of them every week. Group member Detective Val Jeanjean (McKenzie Phillips) must solve the case, but first she has some serious issues to resolve about her childhood.) ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/80 "2009-11-16T20:36:49Z")
\*\*SPILL THE BONG ! \*\* Bud Greenspan’s latest biopic about the life of web-footed Olympic record breaking stoner superstar Michael Phelps [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=5)