# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/101 "2009-11-18T07:53:49Z")
**Steer Wars** : intrigue and murder among cattle barons in the far reaches of Alberta. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/102 "2009-11-18T08:08:01Z")
**Clash of the Tritons** - The HMS Triton and the USS Triton face off to see which one will fight the Kraken for the hand of Andromeda **Drought** - Roland Emmerich’s first terrifying disaster movie. Special effects budget: $0 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/103 "2009-11-18T08:08:33Z")
**The Phantom Misfits:** Glenn Danzig battles his former bandmates to bring balance to the Force. Not to be confused with **The Misfit Phantom:** Glenn Danzig takes up his familial obligation to be a Masked Avenger in Africa. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/104 "2009-11-18T10:29:49Z")
**Abbott & Costello Meet Ben Stein** - A charity fund raiser at a wax museum puts security guards Bud & Lou in contact with some of the scariest creatures imaginable. Also stars Dick Cheney & Nancy Pelosi. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/105 "2009-11-18T11:22:20Z")
**Little House of Horrors** - The inhabitants of a small prairie town grow suspicious of a creepy farmer & his brood-of-the-damned. “Pa” Ingalls is always plowing, yet no crops are ever harvested, & neighbors keep disappearing. And what’s that sickly sweet smell? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/106 "2009-11-18T13:00:27Z")
**Abbott and Costello meet Wittgenstein** – Bud and Lou try to prove to the philosopher that Seven goes into 21 thirteen times. Wittgernstein passes over it in silence. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/107 "2009-11-18T13:14:49Z")
\*\*Star Whores \*\* “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.” **The Scorpion Kingdom of Heaven** – The crusading knights get some seriously badass help from The Rock. **Pirate Radio: The Curse of the Black Pearl** – An outlaw DJs discovery of a gold dubloon leads to a lot of dead air. ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/108 "2009-11-18T14:48:41Z")
**K-SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON** ~ Snoop Dogg and his crew shipwreck their yacht en route to Jamaica, battle pirates, and finally start building a new life on the formerly deserted island. Plenty of gin & juice had been salvaged from the yacht, and it lasts them until they cleverly begin distilling their own concoctions. The flora and fauna of the island paradise include seemingly endless fields of… you guessed it! Peace out.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/109 "2009-11-18T14:55:26Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > \*\*Star Whores \*\* “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.” I will be stealing this. A lot. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/110 "2009-11-18T15:06:05Z")
_Saturday the 14th_ - Police investigators look over the grisly scene of the previous day’s mass murders. _Drag Me to “Hello!”_ - A nubile young woman is involuntarily taken to the corporate offices of a British weekly magazine specialising in celebrity news and gossip. _The Birdseye_ - Frozen foods conspire to destroy humanity in this cheap Hitchcock knockoff. _The Evil Deadwood_ - A hardscrabble American mining town fights a demon invasion with guns, pickaxes and impressive profanity. _House of Sandman and Fog_ - The Lord of Dreams gets caught in a real-estate dispute. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/111 "2009-11-18T16:24:35Z")
> [@](#): > > **Saturday the 14th** - Police investigators look over the grisly scene of the previous day’s mass murders. Sadly, you’re wrong about this. They made it in 1981: [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083033/](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083033/) There’s even a sequel: [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096039/](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096039/) And, in case you thought you could work it the other way, there’s a **Thursday the Twelfth** : [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084464/](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084464/) ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/112 "2009-11-18T16:46:44Z")
G. I. Slow: An elite team of covert operatives are trained to become K-Mart cashiers. or G. I. Slow: First movie filmed entirely in ultra-slow motion. G. I. Tract: In-depth exploration of your intestines. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/113 "2009-11-18T16:51:56Z")
**The Sixth Sense**. A young boy with Ménière’s disease spends 110 minutes staggering around. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/114 "2009-11-18T16:52:38Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > _Closet Encounters of the Third Kind_ - Blue-collar Indiana man realizes aliens aren’t signaling him; he’s just gay. Closet Encounters of the Third Kind: The aliens are here and they’re absoulutely fabulous. ---
**Author:** ![beatlejuice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@beatlejuice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beatlejuice)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/115 "2009-11-18T17:01:19Z")
An adventurous romp through the mysterious world of culinary tools. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/116 "2009-11-18T21:11:02Z")
**What About Babaloo?** Driven mad by his wife’s constant zany attempts to get into his act, a Cuban bandleader makes his psychiatrist’s life a living hell. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/117 "2009-11-18T22:36:40Z")
**The Matrix of Oz Recycled:** Neo wakes up to realize it was all a dream. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/118 "2009-11-18T22:42:56Z")
\*\*The Notebook Computer: \*\*A twisting retelling of a tale of unrequited love comes to an abrupt end as the Windows-based device gets a BSOD at the payoff scene. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/119 "2009-11-18T22:44:01Z")
\*\*Doctor Bionic Babylonstar Gate Trek Galactica Wars: 1999 vs. Aliens vs. Predators vs. the Decepticons \*\* – and then thousands of fanboys cried out in excitement. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/120 "2009-11-18T22:44:37Z")
Pushing Tin Cans: After causing a near collision to occur, Nick Falco is fired and winds up sweeping up littter by the side of the road as his former coworker bags his wife. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=7)