# Not Coming To A Theater Near You **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742 "2009-11-07T23:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/161 "2009-11-27T18:31:40Z")
**Return of the King Kong:** A giant gorilla is humanity’s last hope to stop a Dark Lord from taking over the world. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2009, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/162 "2009-11-27T18:36:15Z")
**Undead Men Wear Plaid:** Scottish zombies solve crimes in 1940s Los Angeles. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/163 "2009-11-28T01:34:15Z")
**The Onion Field Of Dreams** - An Iowa farmer baffles his neighbors when he plows up his onion crop to build a Dunkin Donuts. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/164 "2009-11-28T04:46:51Z")
**Conan O’Brien the Barbarian** filmed entirely at night, because the glare of the sun off his bare chest was too much for the cameras to take. ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/165 "2009-11-28T04:59:38Z")
**Saving Private Ryan…when we get around to it** snippet of dialogue: “What about Ryan?” “Meh, to hell with that guy. Where’s the remote?” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/166 "2009-11-28T09:34:42Z")
**Conan the Rastafarian:** Conan finds Thulsa Doom’s stash. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/167 "2009-11-28T09:46:11Z")
**Conan The Barbarian At The Gate** - Crom! This tastes like shit! ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/168 "2009-11-28T10:10:00Z")
_The Road,_ apparently. All the websites say it was supposed to open in theaters today…but neither of the two theaters here are showing it, and not only that, neither of the managers of the theaters (who I called) even knew _when_ it was going to be showing. What the fuck? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/169 "2009-11-28T22:32:40Z")
**The Iraqi Horror Picture Show:** Colin Powell outlines the Bush Administration’s justifications for invading Iraq. Much like the original presentation, this is a work of complete fiction. ---
**Author:** ![Lethal\_Babydoll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3be4f8/32.png) [@Lethal\_Babydoll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lethal_Babydoll)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/170 "2009-11-28T23:24:49Z")
**Flight Club** French generals gather to decide what to do about the Nazi invasion ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/171 "2009-11-28T23:49:05Z")
**They Call Me MISTER Tiddles:** The baddest cat on the force is back to clean up the city. Unofficial sequel to **In Heat in the Night.** ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2009, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/172 "2009-11-29T00:42:03Z")
**Snow White and the Seven Samurai** - Pursued by an evil queen, Snow White enlists the aid of seven unemployed samurai: Slicey, Dicey, Stabby, Cutty, Hari, Kari, and Wok. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2009, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/173 "2009-11-29T04:07:37Z")
> [@wedgehed](#): > > **Snow White and the Seven Samurai…** …is one of [Tom Holt’s](http://www.amazon.com/Snow-White-Seven-Samurai-Holt/dp/1857239881/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1259467579&sr=8-4)best novels. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/174 "2009-11-29T16:21:40Z")
**All Hogs go to The Devil** : about the generally grim prospects in the afterlife for pigs. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/175 "2009-11-29T18:38:44Z")
**Where the Wild Hogs Are** : A bad little boy is sent to his room without supper, where he dreams of adventures with a group of middle-aged Harley-Davidson motorcyclists. **Das Booty** : The crew of a German submarine find that watching hip-hop videos helps kill time on patrol. **A Few Good Men in Tights** : Mel Brooks’ first foray into mockumentaries. US Marines attempt to produce and perform the Robin Hood legend for a community fundraising show. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2009, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/176 "2009-11-29T19:04:09Z")
Dirty Harry Potter And The Crazy Mary: I feel sorry for Voldemort. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2009, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/177 "2009-11-29T21:57:55Z")
**The Magnificent Seven Brides for Seven Samurai Brothers** : Musical where a group of Western gunfighters find themselves dressing as saloon dance-hall girls in order to save a small town from a group of Japanese warriors who come from the same family. **My Fair Lady and the Tramp** : The Pygmalion story, with an all-dog cast. **The American Graffiti President** : Guided by the ghost of the Wolfman, Laurie Henderson (Cindy Williams) becomes the first female President of the United States. Michael Douglas plays the love interest; and watch for cameos from Richard Dreyfus, Ron Howard, Annette Benning, and Candy Clark. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2009, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/178 "2009-11-30T00:57:36Z")
**Mummy Dearest:** A revived ancient Egyptian priestess starts an abusive relationship with her descendant. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/179 "2009-11-30T21:22:08Z")
**Rendezvous With Ramen** : A hungry scientist plans his lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2009, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742/180 "2009-12-01T00:38:32Z")
**The Orangework Clock:** A former gang member keeps his sociopathic urges in check by making timepieces out of fruit. It doesn’t work. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-coming-to-a-theater-near-you/516742.md?page=10)