# Not dating women with kids? Am I being stupid? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 17, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-dating-women-with-kids-am-i-being-stupid/213727 "2003-11-17T17:32:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-dating-women-with-kids-am-i-being-stupid/213727/61 "2011-10-26T01:10:58Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > What a depressing thread! > Its like once a woman has a child, she had darn well better stay with the father, because thats the only chance she’ll have to be with a guy. Works the other way. I’m a single dad, and my estimate is that it turns off probably 80%, at least, of women who would otherwise date me. Actually, that might be a low guess. I’ve experimented with this theopry by removing references to my being a parent from my online dating profiles. The immediate result; positive responses to my emails skyrocket. (The remarkable thing is that this is true even of women who have kids themselves.) And yes, I told them all I had a kid, and then the interest dried up. You can say YOU’RE different, but you’re different. There’s no point being bitter about it, it’s just the truth. ---
**Author:** ![beachbetch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@beachbetch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beachbetch)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-dating-women-with-kids-am-i-being-stupid/213727/62 "2011-10-31T17:16:53Z")
No kids of any age, ever. Having kids automatically crosses you off the list no matter what fantastic qualities you may have. This is probably why I tend to date guys around 25 or so. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-dating-women-with-kids-am-i-being-stupid/213727/63 "2011-10-31T18:03:29Z")
> [@randomface](#): > > EDIT: Didn’t even notice the dates, but can’t think of a zombie joke to edit this to. Did you notice that his name isn’t **Zoidberg** any more? ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-dating-women-with-kids-am-i-being-stupid/213727/64 "2011-10-31T20:38:09Z")
My response to the OP is this… I didn’t get married until late 20’s…and like another poster lived in an area where there wasn’t many women and they usually had multiple kids even by their early 20’s. To meet a woman that only had ONE kid was like hitting gold! So, I didn’t really have a choice. When I moved to a larger city I was dating someone…and getting serious but I also dated around. I couldn’t help it. I finally had some SUPPLY man…plus I wasn’t a teacher anymore and so had that woman-repellant off my back. However, I was used to dating women with kids and didn’t give it much thought so dated them. My thoughts… If you want sexual relationship - go for it. However, if you are interested in getting married someday and/or starting your own family with someone…just say no to women with kids. Other men’s kids will NEVER be your own. They already have a dad. You may be accepted by the kid(s) and even be chummy…but you will never be their dad. However, you will be expected to put the most resources to support them. The child support the kid(s) father supplies is laughably small/inadequate. YOU will be expected to put forth all the resources needed and you will not really get kudos from anyone for it. Do you expect to send your kids to a good college and sacrifice much to do so but not do it for the other man’s kids? Think again! Signs of favoritism will be searched for endlessly by everyone and will be found where not existing…and if you actually TRY to do favoritism like sacrifice so your kid can go to Harvard it will destroy your family. Biodad will throw in a couple hundred bucks for college and be considered a hero. However, when you are old and your wife died many years ago and you have medical problems…and need to get into a home. Do you think those kids will be there for you - help you get into a place? - Help you get to the doctor? Help you get a nurse?? You are not their dad! Don’t scoff…I am old enough that I have seen this happen to others. Speaking of wife dying…what about those kids inheritance? Do you think that half your property/possessions will just go to you as a surviving spouse? YOU might think so…but will your wife think so…especially if you two never have kids of your own jointly? To boil it down…getting serious/marrying a woman with kids is making yourself an appendage to an existing body. You will never feel like it is ‘your’ family. I don’t know about you…but that is not something I want. As for the argument that a woman with kids more likely to want more kids? Not my experience. Not what I have seen friends/coworkers/family go thorugh who married women with kids. Just say no. Date them. Have fun, sexual relationships with them. However, if you want to get married/start a family find a woman without kids. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-dating-women-with-kids-am-i-being-stupid/213727/65 "2011-10-31T20:50:32Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > What a depressing thread! > Its like once a woman has a child, she had darn well better stay with the father, because thats the only chance she’ll have to be with a guy. No. Women with kids can date men with kids. 😃 This thread is about a childless OP and his dating women with kids. EDIT - DUH Suckered in by a ZOMBIE thread! The humiliation! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-dating-women-with-kids-am-i-being-stupid/213727.md?page=3)