# Not getting laid can really make you stop caring about life **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2010, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191 "2010-03-29T07:21:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mookieblaylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@mookieblaylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mookieblaylock)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/1 "2010-03-29T07:21:23Z")
Should I shower? Pfft, who the hell do I need to smell good for? Should I go to the gym? Nah, I already know that it really doesn’t matter what kind of shape I’m in. Should I study? For what? I’m obviously never going to have a family relying on my support. Should I go out? Why bother? It’s all a means to an end to meet a companion and since I already know how that’s going to work out… Which in turn makes it even less likely that you’re going to get laid. Shit sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/2 "2010-03-29T07:38:56Z")
Sounds more like depression than not getting laid. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/3 "2010-03-29T08:08:26Z")
No kidding. Ideally you’d do all of those things because you care about yourself, and yes, neglecting yourself will certainly make it harder for anyone else to want to do anything with you, nevermind getting laid. Seriously, if all you want is sex, try a bar? Hookers? Craigslist? ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/4 "2010-03-29T08:10:16Z")
I won’t comment about the others, but it’s trivially easy to argue against these: > [@mookieblaylock](#): > > Should I go to the gym? Nah, I already know that it really doesn’t matter what kind of shape I’m in. Even _if_ it never had a hope of attracting a girlfriend (which is unlikely), being fit and strong is its own reward. > [@](#): > > Should I study? For what? I’m obviously never going to have a family relying on my support. If you don’t have to share the money, _you_ get more out of every dollar you earn. No matter what you enjoy doing, earning more money per hour either lets you afford it faster or gives you more free time to do it in. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/5 "2010-03-29T08:13:58Z")
> [@mookieblaylock](#): > > Should I study? For what? I’m obviously never going to have a family relying on my support. This one seems rather out of place. I mean, A) the others could at least be viewed as transiently about your not getting laid now, rather than an undue conviction that you will never get laid, and B) regardless of whether you ever have a family, you will, yourself, be relying on your own support. But, yes, not getting laid sucks and being depressed sucks and they both could potentially feed into each other, though I think probably, most of the time, most of the influence comes from the latter into the former (at least, I feel this is how it is with me, but what do I know?). Are there other things in your life that you find you are frequently sad about? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/6 "2010-03-29T09:05:42Z")
You should check out the book “Feeling Good”, which has some basic Cognitive Behavior Therapy techniques. What I see here is that you are taking a small problem (I am not getting laid right now) and turning it into a bit universal problem (I will never get laid.) There are ways to combat that thinking- which may well give you the confidence you need to get laid! It is very likely you have the power to stop these bad feelings in a way that is actually pretty quick and easy. And once you get out of the cycle, it’s amazing how quickly your life can turn around. I feel for you- I promise I am in a worse situation than you are (picture that I’m stuck in lesbian boarding school or something- that’s basically how bad it is for me) and it got me down for a while. But I promised to keep taking care of myself and making myself physically and emotionally at my best just in case. Amazingly, the moment I got my emotions sorted out and dealt with, some surprising stuff happened. Life often works like that. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/7 "2010-03-29T09:08:10Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > Sounds more like depression than not getting laid. I’d be depressed, too, if I was not getting laid. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/8 "2010-03-29T09:19:18Z")
mookie: please, don’t do this. I know with depression, you sometimes want to say those bad thoughts. I do it too. But it’s really not going to help here. There’s nothing else that can be said that wasn’t said before. YOUR WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE SEX. YOU ARE CATASTROPHIZING. YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOUR PSYCHOLOGIST ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Don’t get me wrong, I want to help, really, I do. But there’s nothing I can do but tell you not to beat yourself up like this. You may not be able to be happy right now, but you can at least treat yourself right. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/9 "2010-03-29T09:25:49Z")
Here is something I tell myself that helps me deal with stuff like this. If you are not getting what you want, it is likely because you have something to learn before you could make good use of it. For example, would it really be good to meet the love of your life right now? Probably not. For one, you are mopey and depressed and would probably make a wreck out of things. There is something about yourself you have to figure out before you’ll be ready to actually be a good partner in a relationship. It probably won’t be an easy process, but it’s a necessary one. And once you do get to where you need to be, I think you’ll be surprised about how quickly and easily things start coming together. So make that decision today- decide to do something about this problem. The power is in your hands. ---
**Author:** ![mookieblaylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@mookieblaylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mookieblaylock)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/10 "2010-03-29T09:27:23Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > mookie: please, don’t do this. > > I know with depression, you sometimes want to say those bad thoughts. I do it too. But it’s really not going to help here. There’s nothing else that can be said that wasn’t said before. > > YOUR WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE SEX. > > YOU ARE CATASTROPHIZING. > > YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOUR PSYCHOLOGIST ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS. > > Don’t get me wrong, I want to help, really, I do. But there’s nothing I can do but tell you not to beat yourself up like this. > > You may not be able to be happy right now, but you can at least treat yourself right. No one else I know is having this much trouble with the opposite sex. Seriously, no one. The only thing that can suggest is that I’m somehow inferior. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/11 "2010-03-29T10:52:24Z")
> [@mookieblaylock](#): > > The only thing that can suggest is that I’m somehow inferior. The _only_ problem I see here is that you think not getting sex is a big deal. If you can quit obsessing about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence, everything else will sort itself out. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/12 "2010-03-29T12:09:26Z")
**mookieblaylock** , like everybody else said, the problem isn’t that you are not getting laid, it’s that you feel worthless. I think you’ve said you’re in therapy, and you should continue with that. I’m sure you need to communicate but I doubt posting about it here is going to help you. In any case please keep in mind something you said in your last thread: > [@Today I saw a loser that made me so mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/174): > > Depression distorts your perception of yourself and that can result in stupid actions such as what I did, but I cannot use that as a reason to dodge responsibility for my actions. It was a mistake, and we all make them. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/13 "2010-03-29T13:22:56Z")
Mookie can’t get a nookie? If I got depressed every time I didn’t get a bang I would have topped myself years ago. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/14 "2010-03-29T14:51:12Z")
Really, to hell with the opposite sex nookie-thing. I haven’t been laid in over 6 years, it concerned me, then I got over it. I have a nice house, I’ve lost over 50 pounds in the last year, my friends love me. I have fun. When you are happy with yourself, then you will bew able to be happy with someone else. It will happen. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/15 "2010-03-29T15:14:28Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > I’d be depressed, too, if I was not getting laid. I AM depressed because I’m married, and hence, not getting laid (anymore). Shit sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/16 "2010-03-29T15:21:49Z")
> [@mookieblaylock](#): > > No one else I know is having this much trouble with the opposite sex. Yes, but this is the internet. > [@](#): > > Seriously, no one. Hello. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/17 "2010-03-29T15:55:42Z")
> [@mookieblaylock](#): > > No one else I know is having this much trouble with the opposite sex. Seriously, no one. The only thing that can suggest is that I’m somehow inferior. Ummm … have you ever asked if anyone else is saying the kind of things you are? Might be a tipoff … ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/18 "2010-03-29T16:06:26Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I feel for you- I promise I am in a worse situation than you are (picture that I’m stuck in lesbian boarding school or something-… Bad? That’s one of my favorite movies!! (I kid, I kid…) (Sorta) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/19 "2010-03-29T16:22:44Z")
Actually, I have the opposite problem. In my life, when I’ve gone through a slight dry spell, it seems to be the impetus to make me strive for it. Work out more, go to clubs/bars/etc. Currently I am getting more ass than a toilet seat and I have to constantly remind myself to make an effort to groom, maintain my weight, etc. ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191/20 "2010-03-29T16:55:47Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > You should check out the book “Feeling Good”, which has some basic Cognitive Behavior Therapy techniques. What I see here is that you are taking a small problem (I am not getting laid right now) and turning it into a bit universal problem (I will never get laid.) > > There are ways to combat that thinking- which may well give you the confidence you need to get laid! It is very likely you have the power to stop these bad feelings in a way that is actually pretty quick and easy. And once you get out of the cycle, it’s amazing how quickly your life can turn around. > > I feel for you- I promise I am in a worse situation than you are ( **picture that I’m stuck in lesbian boarding school or something** - that’s basically how bad it is for me) and it got me down for a while. But I promised to keep taking care of myself and making myself physically and emotionally at my best just in case. Amazingly, the moment I got my emotions sorted out and dealt with, some surprising stuff happened. Life often works like that. > > Good luck! (bolding mine) I am picturing a lesbian boarding school right now. It’s nowhere near as terrible as you make it out to be. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-getting-laid-can-really-make-you-stop-caring-about-life/534191.md?page=2)