# Not having children and your outlook on life **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 5, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075 "2010-10-05T01:54:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/241 "2010-10-09T05:08:06Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > What’s funny is I didn’t even realize it was that unusual for a long time. I remember saying repeatedly while growing up that I was never going to get married. I later realized what I really meant by that was ‘I’m never going to marry someone of the opposite sex’. (Marriage = children being the expectation among the people I grew up around, the two tended to go together in my head) > > I can’t speak for anyone else of course, but I think in my case that a lot of it was just knowing that it wasn’t even possible, aside from adopting which wasn’t even really an option for a lot of my life. Hmm, though it seems like that part was mostly subconscious because it wasn’t so much knowing that didn’t want to be a parent as it just not really being on my radar. I guess in a way it’s similar to the knowing that you describe, but in the opposite direction. It’s all so interesting isn’t it? And now, as adults, my gay son talks about finding a surrogate and my straight son says nope, never having kids ever. For a long time I think you had to be really brave to say you didn’t want children, and maybe that’s still kind of true, but I hope it’s getting easier. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/242 "2010-10-09T05:12:29Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > It’s all so interesting isn’t it? And now, as adults, my gay son talks about finding a surrogate and my straight son says nope, never having kids ever. > > For a long time I think you had to be really brave to say you didn’t want children, and maybe that’s still kind of true, but I hope it’s getting easier. Totally agreed. I find human behavior fascinating, especially something like this that is a huge part of civilization. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/243 "2010-10-09T05:14:22Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > \ > It sounds kinda a meaningless, pointless, lonely, directionless, empty life, and who the heck is going to get all your money and family heirlooms when a childless person dies? What was the point of having accumulated a fortune if no kids or grandkids are going to get it? > > I can not imagine how pointless EVERYthing would seem. The only point to life is having kids? How do you figure that? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/244 "2010-10-09T08:50:08Z")
I can’t imagine how pointless everything would seem if my happiness was dependent upon \*any \*one thing, let alone if I couldn’t imagine that my life has value all on its own. ---
**Author:** ![Susanann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Susanann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susanann)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/245 "2010-10-09T13:26:37Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > > [@Susanann](#): > > > > \ > > It sounds kinda a meaningless, pointless, lonely, directionless, empty life, and who the heck is going to get all your money and family heirlooms when a childless person dies? What was the point of having accumulated a fortune if no kids or grandkids are going to get it? > > > > I can not imagine how pointless EVERYthing would seem. > > The only point to life is having kids? How do you figure that? Procreation is the\*\* raison d’être\*\* of life. Procreation seems to be a, thee, VERY basic innate goal, trait, and motivation of all species on earth. . ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/246 "2010-10-09T13:30:53Z")
We can come up with our own goals. Who cares what motivates slugs and chiggers? ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/247 "2010-10-09T16:48:35Z")
So I guess as a childfree atheist, my life is twice as pointless and empty! Whoo-hoo, I’ll have to find some way of dealing with that tonight while enjoying a concert and local craft beers with my friends. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/249 "2010-10-09T18:58:31Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > > > The only point to life is having kids? How do you figure that? > > Procreation is the\*\* raison d’être\*\* of life. > > Procreation seems to be a, thee, VERY basic innate goal, trait, and motivation of all species on earth. > . You’re not wrong, _per se_, but that’s an extremely limited, biological perspective. By your reasoning, all people who can’t or don’t have kids should just kill themselves and be done with it, and once your kids turn 13 and are able to start procreating, parents should kill themselves. We don’t do that because we’ve built a whole network of society that concerns itself with bigger ideals than procreation. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/250 "2010-10-09T19:37:05Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > But that’s _not_ the point at all. Just because you understand why someone is behaving in any given unpleasant way, that doesn’t make the behavior the tiniest shred more pleasant to experience. And I don’t know that disliking certain behaviors that are more prevalent in certain age groups is discriminatory at all, really. I don’t like being around loud whiny screechy people, which is more common in little kids. But I don’t like being around racist sexist homophobic people either, a position I assume you share since you label it as “behaving badly.” That sort of behavior is most common in old people, and I don’t see you labeling yourself as a discriminatory asshat the way you’re labeling people who don’t being around kids. Thanks, this summarizes it nicely. > [@Susanann](#): > > Everything. > > It sounds kinda a meaningless, pointless, lonely, directionless, empty life, and who the heck is going to get all your money and family heirlooms when a childless person dies? What was the point of having accumulated a fortune if no kids or grandkids are going to get it? > > I can not imagine how pointless EVERYthing would seem. So your friends impart no meaning or fulfillment to your life? I’m sure they’d be thrilled to hear exactly how much you (don’t) value them as people and as a part of your life. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/251 "2010-10-09T19:55:21Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > > [@Antinor01](#): > > > > Not having children and your outlook on life > > What else would be effected? > > Everything. > > It sounds kinda a meaningless, pointless, lonely, directionless, empty life, and who the heck is going to get all your money and family heirlooms when a childless person dies? What was the point of having accumulated a fortune if no kids or grandkids are going to get it? > > I can not imagine how pointless EVERYthing would seem. I don’t want to have kids because of people who think like this. ---
**Author:** ![Susanann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Susanann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susanann)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/252 "2010-10-09T19:59:54Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > > [@Susanann](#): > > > > Procreation is the\*\* raison d’être\*\* of life. > > Procreation seems to be a, thee, VERY basic innate goal, trait, and motivation of all species on earth. > > . > > You’re not wrong, _per se_, but that’s an extremely limited, biological perspective. By your reasoning, all people who can’t or don’t have kids should just kill themselves and be done with it, and once your kids turn 13 and are able to start procreating, parents should kill themselves. We don’t do that because we’ve built a whole network of society that concerns itself with bigger ideals than procreation. I never meant that a person is done once his kids turn 13. There are higher and finer skills to be taught to the kids, like investing, the family business, politics, religion, advanced skills with training horses, how to buy and sell and rent real estate…and then come the grandchildren to be taught and mentored. Its a pretty full life to raise and teach all the kids and all the grandkids, not to mention who/which one(s) to groom to take over and run the family business/money. There is nothing “limited” at all about raising and training a whole slew of kids and grandkids to all be successful, educated, wise, and all able to handle themselves. If somebody did not have kids, what the heck would they do with their life and what meaning would they have? Yeah, maybe some VERY few of them might become scientists that actually invent something, but those are 1 in a million. ---
**Author:** ![Susanann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Susanann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susanann)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/253 "2010-10-09T20:01:06Z")
> [@dukette71](#): > > > [@Susanann](#): > > > > Everything. > > It sounds kinda a meaningless, pointless, lonely, directionless, empty life, and who the heck is going to get all your money and family heirlooms when a childless person dies? What was the point of having accumulated a fortune if no kids or grandkids are going to get it? I can not imagine how pointless EVERYthing would seem. > > I don’t want to have kids because of people who think like this. Hey, look on the bright side! You and I agree!!! We both don’t want you to have kids! ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/254 "2010-10-09T20:05:48Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > > [@Antinor01](#): > > > > Not having children and your outlook on life > > What else would be effected? > > Everything. > > It sounds kinda a meaningless, pointless, lonely, directionless, empty life, and who the heck is going to get all your money and family heirlooms when a childless person dies? What was the point of having accumulated a fortune if no kids or grandkids are going to get it? > > I can not imagine how pointless EVERYthing would seem. The concept that the nuclear family of father, mother and offspring is the only family type is rather recent and largely a product of post-World War II America. I have a rich, vibrant family life, but I have no desire whatsoever to have a child. As for the material possessions what isn’t buried in the grave with me or burned to avoid curses (it’s a folk custom), will be inherited by other relatives, brothers, sisters, neices, nephews, possible even some relatives older than me at the time of my death, they are all family. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/255 "2010-10-09T20:15:34Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > > [@dukette71](#): > > > > I don’t want to have kids because of people who think like this. > > Hey, look on the bright side! You and I agree!!! > > We both don’t want you to have kids! Your approval is important to me. seriously, what you said conjures images of parents who have lost thier identity to thier children. Maybe I read too much into it, but this is a mindset that would be a definite ‘con’ to having kids. I also wouldn’t want to set that kind of example for said kids. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/256 "2010-10-09T20:17:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Its a pretty full life to raise and teach all the kids and all the grandkids, not to mention who/which one(s) to groom to take over and run the family business/money. and it’s a pretty full life for me, traveling around the US and to Europe to technical symposiums, presenting at conventions and trade shows, and spending my days developing things that millions of people use. But, since I don’t have kids, it’s all worthless in your eyes, right? > [@](#): > > There is nothing “limited” at all about raising and training a whole slew of kids and grandkids to all be successful, educated, wise, and all able to handle themselves. Agree 100%, if that’s what you want to do. You, however, are being a fucking hypocrite by sitting there slinging shit at people who don’t want to do that, and instead want to do other things to enrich their lives. > [@](#): > > If somebody did not have kids, what the heck would they do with their life I work, I design things that people (hopefully) like to use, I go places, see things, and do stuff. > [@](#): > > what meaning would they have? my ego is not so fucking fragile that I have to ascribe some greater meaning to my life. My life is here for me to do with as I please. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/257 "2010-10-09T20:20:46Z")
> [@](#): > > seriously, what you said conjures images of parents who have lost thier identity to thier children. Maybe I read too much into it, but this is a mindset that would be a definite ‘con’ to having kids. I also wouldn’t want to set that kind of example for said kids. OMG yes! I really don’t know what to feel when I see someone on a message board whose username is something like “Tylersmom” or “momof2” or something like that. I mean, is that all you see yourself as, a walking uterus? ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/258 "2010-10-09T20:21:08Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > If somebody did not have kids, what the heck would they do with their life and what meaning would they have? Yeah, maybe some VERY few of them might become scientists that actually invent something, but those are 1 in a million. I don’t have kids. I have managed to stay pretty busy and useful without inventing anything. Do you only mean this for people who chose not to have children, or would you say the same to those who didn’t for some other reason? Do you really not know any non-parents who have contributed to society or to their families? ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/259 "2010-10-09T20:27:59Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > If somebody did not have kids, what the heck would they do with their life and what meaning would they have? Yeah, maybe some VERY few of them might become scientists that actually invent something, but those are 1 in a million. You are absolutely right. My single life has absolutely no meaning because I have not procreated. I think I’ll go kill myself right now because there is obviously no reason to keep going. I have no love and no purpose in life so there is no reason to go on. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/260 "2010-10-09T21:15:52Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > > [@rayxi](#): > > > > However, I strongly disagree with them promoting their reasons for that choice on to everyone else. > > May I ask why? Like atheists, we should keep our horrible opinions to ourselves, lest we offend the faithful by our mere existence. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075/261 "2010-10-09T21:19:35Z")
> [@Susanann](#): > > If somebody did not have kids, what the heck would they do with their life and what meaning would they have? Yeah, maybe some VERY few of them might become scientists that actually invent something, but those are 1 in a million. Well, I travel, make and keep friends, garden, craft, hike, camp, read, create, play musical instruments, teach, learn, grow, explore… I mean, I guess none of those really matter, since I’m not raising the next generation, but you did ask what the heck we do with our lives. So I thought I’d fill you in, since you seem incapable of imagining us as doing anything except sitting around doing nothing. I am profoundly sorry that you feel that the lives of those of us without children are so worthless. But my meaning of life works for me, without children. And without having to become a scientist that invents anything. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-having-children-and-your-outlook-on-life/556075.md?page=14)