# Not invited to friends wedding at a park. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2013, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217 "2013-07-22T17:55:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/21 "2013-07-22T22:48:41Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How are they aware Im not invited? Other guests might not _know_ whether you are invited, and are just trying to not get involved. But your only option at this point is to have someone else discreetly make an inquiry if you were meant to be invited. Don’t go unless you receive a direct invitation from the couple or their parents. ---
**Author:** ![jashley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@jashley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jashley)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/22 "2013-07-22T22:50:37Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > The most you can do is ask someone else if they know if you were supposed to be invited. You don’t sound like a close friend or relative they would feel bad about leaving out, so you shouldn’t bother them personally. If it turns out you were left off the list accidentally, and you find out either before or after the wedding, gracefully tell them you understand, and never mention it again. If you never find out anything else never mention it again anyway. Do not go to the wedding if you are not invited. Don’t go anywhere near that park if you weren’t invited. How dont I sound like a close friend they would feel bad about leaving out? And how are other people aware Im not invited? ---
**Author:** ![jashley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@jashley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jashley)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/23 "2013-07-22T22:52:10Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > HUH? How would people not know who they invited to their wedding? How would the guests I am asking what time it is know Im not invited? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/24 "2013-07-22T22:52:34Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How dont I sound like a close friend they would feel bad about leaving out? And how are other people aware Im not invited? Because you weren’t invited, and no one is talking to you about the wedding. It’s obvious. It’s so obvious that I know it even though I’m a classless lout. I told you your only option. There are no others. ---
**Author:** ![jashley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@jashley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jashley)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/25 "2013-07-22T22:53:44Z")
> [@Mgalindo13](#): > > I would have agreed that it was a possible lost invitation until the whole “nobody remembers what time the wedding is” statement. Obviously others are aware that **jashley** is not invited. why do you say that? You think they were lying to me to avoid giving information to someone not invited? And again, how are others aware Im not invited? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/26 "2013-07-22T22:57:23Z")
Perhaps the wedding party discussed with all of the guests, “And don’t let jashley know when and where the wedding is. You know how he/she gets. We prefer not to have him/her there.” ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/27 "2013-07-22T22:58:21Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > why do you say that? You think they were lying to me to avoid giving information to someone not invited? And again, how are others aware Im not invited? > [@](#): > > “I have also asked people what time it is and no one seems to remember.” > " The assumption is that Mgalindo13 and others believe they are avoiding engaging you on the topic by feigning ignorance of the time. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/28 "2013-07-22T23:02:56Z")
How close are you to this friend? If you have talked to either of the couple about their engagement and they have shared with you excitement about getting married, then I think you can at least be confident that you have reached “close acquantaince” status. If this hasn’t happened, then you probably aren’t a close enough friend. It’s not that you are being intentionally shunned. It’s just that your name didn’t come up in their memory banks. And just because you know the invitees just as well as you know the bride and groom doesn’t mean you know how close THEY are. Social networks can be pretty convoluted and hard to read at first glance. There are other ways besides attending the wedding to bid a couple well wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/29 "2013-07-22T23:04:28Z")
Keep in mind that when a wedding is held in a park, the couple often have to pay a fee to the park and that fee will be based on the size of the crowd. So they couldn’t just invite everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/30 "2013-07-22T23:07:21Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > why do you say that? You think they were lying to me to avoid giving information to someone not invited? And again, how are others aware Im not invited? You seem to have difficulty with social skills. They’re probably talking about you behind your back. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/31 "2013-07-22T23:09:52Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > And again, how are others aware Im not invited? They may be figuring that if you’re asking what time the wedding is, you must not have gotten an invitation, since the time is (almost certainly) printed on the invitations. ---
**Author:** ![jashley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@jashley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jashley)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/32 "2013-07-22T23:11:28Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Because you weren’t invited, and no one is talking to you about the wedding. It’s obvious. It’s so obvious that I know it even though I’m a classless lout. I told you your only option. There are no others. How do the people not talking to me about the wedding know I wasnt invited? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/33 "2013-07-22T23:13:34Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How do the people not talking to me about the wedding know I wasnt invited? They probably heard about it directly or indirectly from the bride and/or groom. Why do you think everybody developed selective amnesia about the time? I think it’s pretty obvious from reading this thread why they don’t want you there. ---
**Author:** ![jashley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@jashley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jashley)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/34 "2013-07-22T23:14:13Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > You seem to have difficulty with social skills. They’re probably talking about you behind your back. How do I seem to have difficulty with social skills? Why would they be talking about me behind my back? ---
**Author:** ![jashley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@jashley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jashley)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/35 "2013-07-22T23:16:34Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > They probably heard about it directly or indirectly from the bride and/or groom. Why do you think everybody developed selective amnesia about the time? > > I think it’s pretty obvious from reading this thread why they don’t want you there. So theyre talking about me behind my back going around saying “jashleys not invited”? Obvious from reading this thread how? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/36 "2013-07-22T23:27:28Z")
Look, if you need to hear for sure, call up the bride or groom and point-blank ask, “Am I invited to your wedding?” If the answer is no, do not pursue it further. Don’t even ask, “Why not?” ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/37 "2013-07-23T00:24:00Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How do the people not talking to me about the wedding know I wasnt invited? If you were invited you would have, barring some sort of accident, gotten an invitation, and wouldn’t have to ask people questions like when and where it is. _That_’s how people know (or at least have reason to think) you weren’t invited. And having not been invited, it would inappropriate for you to show up. Send them a card and let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/38 "2013-07-23T00:42:59Z")
If the ceremony is fairly soon and if “everybody” knows the location and date but **nobody** seems to know the time, then it certainly appears that you aren’t meant to know, i.e. you aren’t invited. If it is six months from now then it might conceivably be the case that plans simply haven’t been firmed up yet. If it is six days from now and everyone seems to have amnesia, then sorry, find a movie to go to or something; you really aren’t invited and word has gone around to that effect. Why is that obvious (to answer some of your other replies)? Because you yourself said that **everyone** is telling you the same thing. You wouldn’t be getting the same answer from everyone (again, assuming the ceremony is soon) if there wasn’t collusion. ---
**Author:** ![BigNik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@BigNik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigNik)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/39 "2013-07-23T00:44:33Z")
I was a spectator to this sort of thing for a friend’s wedding. A mutual acquaintance called me to tell me that she’d be staying at my house when she came to town for the wedding (I hadn’t invited her to do so, so I wasn’t in the most positive of moods), but took the opportunity to ask me where and when the wedding was. I told her that I didn’t know the details, but that I’d pass on her contact details to the couple in case they’d lost them. This essentially obliged the bride to call the acquaintance and tell her specifically that she wasn’t invited. Yes, it was a park wedding with essentially unlimited space. No, she wouldn’t be welcome to show up anyway. Don’t put yourself in that position. Work on the basis that although you thought you were wedding-invitation-friends with the couple, they’ve just told you that you aren’t in the most polite way possible. Pushing it further will oblige them to tell you in a less-polite manner. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/40 "2013-07-23T00:51:04Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How do I seem to have difficulty with social skills? Their behavior indicates they they don’t want you to know. Its impossible that everyone just “forgot” what time the wedding is. If any particular person had actually forgotten but was willing to tell you, they would say something like “its in the morning, 9 or 10 or something? I’ll check.” Your failure to recognize this, either natively or when others point it out, indicates a lack of social skills. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217.md?page=3)