# Not invited to friends wedding at a park. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2013, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217 "2013-07-22T17:55:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/41 "2013-07-23T00:54:34Z")
Too soon, jashley. Too soon 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Implicit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Implicit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Implicit)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/42 "2013-07-23T00:56:02Z")
Are you planning to ask on more forums until you get the answer you want? This appears to be the 9th forum you posted this thread on. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/43 "2013-07-23T00:59:04Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How dont I sound like a close friend they would feel bad about leaving out? Because if you were a very close friend, you would have asked about the couple about the invitation and possibly have known all the details before the invitations were sent out. " A friend from church" is like “a friend from work” It implies a not particularly close relationship that probably doesn’t involve socializing outside of that environment and won’t outlast the shared employer/church. If the bride or groom were a close personal friend of yours, you would have said that to begin with. Have you by chance previously shown up uninvited to a wedding of one of your “church friends” ? Perhaps that why everyone knows you’re not invited to this one. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/44 "2013-07-23T01:13:41Z")
> [@Implicit](#): > > Are you planning to ask on more forums until you get the answer you want? This appears to be the 9th forum you posted this thread on. My favorite is ‘Yahoo Answers’ and then ‘Malaysia Yahoo Answers’. When Yahoo Answers just isn’t telling you what you want to hear. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/45 "2013-07-23T01:14:10Z")
> [@Implicit](#): > > Are you planning to ask on more forums until you get the answer you want? This appears to be the 9th forum you posted this thread on. I saw the exact same question posed in at least two other forums, and in one of them, mod had to delete the thread after 19 pages of escalation at jashley’s (feigned) obtuseness. ---
**Author:** ![Werekoala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7993a0/32.png) [@Werekoala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Werekoala)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/46 "2013-07-23T01:23:28Z")
I was going to say, this sounds like a Turing test… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/47 "2013-07-23T01:26:27Z")
Oh ho! The plot thickens! ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/48 "2013-07-23T01:30:19Z")
> [@Werekoala](#): > > I was going to say, this sounds like a Turing test… I actually went and found some online Elizas, and tried putting in the quotes she was responding to, but the answers didn’t match up. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/49 "2013-07-23T01:34:39Z")
> [@Tracijo67](#): > > I saw the exact same question posed in at least two other forums, and in one of them, mod had to delete the thread after 19 pages of escalation at jashley’s (feigned) obtuseness. Without naming boards, at least one of them appeared to think she was a sock of a (known to them) troll. Got to be a social experiment. She made the whole internet agree!! ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/50 "2013-07-23T01:40:30Z")
> [@Werekoala](#): > > I was going to say, this sounds like a Turing test… It could be. Nothing particularly bio-intelligent about the responses after the OP. There are other explanations though. He/she/it is not responding on the other boards I found, so there’s something about this one that’s an attraction. Just search on the first sentence of the OP to find this stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/51 "2013-07-23T01:44:19Z")
Nobody wants Skynet at their wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/52 "2013-07-23T01:47:25Z")
I must say, it’s been an interesting tour of yon internet. Some of the boards tried to be nice (at first), but the Irish came through like champs with straight from the hip mockery. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/53 "2013-07-23T01:52:29Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > Nobody wants Skynet at their wedding. Nobody invited Skynet! > [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I must say, it’s been an interesting tour of yon internet. Some of the boards tried to be nice (at first), but the Irish came through like champs with straight from the hip mockery. Colour me surprised. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Svejk\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@Svejk\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svejk_1)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/54 "2013-07-23T01:54:28Z")
You know, I’d just show up, they probably just forgot. The more, the merrier, right? ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/55 "2013-07-23T02:50:59Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > Theres this wedding that a friend from church is having and everyone is talking about it but I have not gotten an invitiation. I asked about it and they said the date and that it was at such and such a park and I was wondering if I could just show up at the park wedding without an invitiation? It seems to be a fairly large wedding and most of the people going are people I know as well as the bride and groom. > And I seem to be the only one at my church not invited. I have also asked people what time it is and noone seems to remember. You say you are friends with them from church? Can I assume it’s a Christian church? If so, perhaps you are the “surprise guest”. It’s a trend that I’ve seen in a number of weddings–one friend (it’s never a family member) is deliberately not invited. His duty is to show up anyway, humbly.That’s why no-one is telling you anything. If they did, it might be construed as an invitation and the Suprise Guest is never, by definition, formally invited. The purpose of this new ritual is to remind us of both the Prodigal Son (who returned, uninvited, to his father’s house) and the wise-men who appeared, uninvited, at the Christ-Child’s birth. Later on, The Parable of the Chairs comes into play. If you decide that you ARE the Surprise Guest, you should get them a modest present (nothing extravagant but nothing too cheap either–like from the middle of the registry price range), show up and hold the gift in your lap (don’t put it on the table with the other gifts) and sit in the back (remember Luke!!\*) Oh–and you should also wear a nice scarf around your neck–to remind you of the Jewish “tallis” (the prayer shawl). JUST before the ring exchange (usually right after the vows) you need to stand up, say “I am the surprise guest” and whirl your scarf over your head three times. You then say something like “I wish you the best of luck in your future life together” (you can be creative and speak from the heart here, but two sentences, tops–brevity) and then quietly sit back down. After the vows are exchanged the bride and groom will have a few words with their parents and then invite you to the main table in honor of the Parable of the Chairs (See below–Luke 14:7-11). You then hand him the gift which he holds onto in the receiving line. It’s actually a really moving part of the ceremony. Hope this helps!! \*Luke 14:7-11 He spoke a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they chose the best seats, and said to them, “When you are not invited by anyone to a marriage feast, don’t sit in the best seat, since perhaps someone more honorable than you might be invited by him, and he who’s marriage it is would come and tell you, ‘Make room for this person.’ Then you would begin, with shame, to take the lowest place. But when you are not invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when he who is getting married comes, he may tell you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/56 "2013-07-23T02:58:23Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How do the people not talking to me about the wedding know I wasnt invited? Helll, we’ve never met you, yet we all seem to know. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/57 "2013-07-23T02:59:29Z")
> [@jashley](#): > > How are they aware Im not invited? Is it possible that you are so intensely disliked that _everyone_ knows that of course you weren’t invited? ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/58 "2013-07-23T03:15:52Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > You say you are friends with them from church? Can I assume it’s a Christian church? > > If so, perhaps you are the “surprise guest”. It’s a trend that I’ve seen in a number of weddings–one friend (it’s never a family member) is deliberately not invited. His duty is to show up anyway, humbly.That’s why no-one is telling you anything. If they did, it might be construed as an invitation and the Suprise Guest is never, by definition, formally invited. > > The purpose of this new ritual is to remind us of both the Prodigal Son (who returned, uninvited, to his father’s house) and the wise-men who appeared, uninvited, at the Christ-Child’s birth. Later on, The Parable of the Chairs comes into play. > > If you decide that you ARE the Surprise Guest, you should get them a modest present (nothing extravagant but nothing too cheap either–like from the middle of the registry price range), show up and hold the gift in your lap (don’t put it on the table with the other gifts) and sit in the back (remember Luke!!\*) Oh–and you should also wear a nice scarf around your neck–to remind you of the Jewish “tallis” (the prayer shawl). > > JUST before the ring exchange (usually right after the vows) you need to stand up, say “I am the surprise guest” and whirl your scarf over your head three times. You then say something like “I wish you the best of luck in your future life together” (you can be creative and speak from the heart here, but two sentences, tops–brevity) and then quietly sit back down. After the vows are exchanged the bride and groom will have a few words with their parents and then invite you to the main table in honor of the Parable of the Chairs (See below–Luke 14:7-11). You then hand him the gift which he holds onto in the receiving line. > > It’s actually a really moving part of the ceremony. > > Hope this helps!! > \*Luke 14:7-11 He spoke a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they chose the best seats, and said to them, “When you are not invited by anyone to a marriage feast, don’t sit in the best seat, since perhaps someone more honorable than you might be invited by him, and he who’s marriage it is would come and tell you, ‘Make room for this person.’ Then you would begin, with shame, to take the lowest place. But when you are not invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when he who is getting married comes, he may tell you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Poe’s law is in effect. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/59 "2013-07-23T03:35:11Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Your failure to recognize this, either natively or when others point it out, indicates a lack of social skills. I was thinking the OP itself indicated a general cluelessness and lack of social skills, but the responses to this thread have pretty much driven it home. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217/60 "2013-07-23T03:35:48Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > You say you are friends with them from church? Can I assume it’s a Christian church? > > If so, perhaps you are the “surprise guest”. It’s a trend that I’ve seen in a number of weddings–one friend (it’s never a family member) is deliberately not invited. His duty is to show up anyway, humbly.That’s why no-one is telling you anything. If they did, it might be construed as an invitation and the Suprise Guest is never, by definition, formally invited. > > The purpose of this new ritual is to remind us of both the Prodigal Son (who returned, uninvited, to his father’s house) and the wise-men who appeared, uninvited, at the Christ-Child’s birth. Later on, The Parable of the Chairs comes into play. > > If you decide that you ARE the Surprise Guest, you should get them a modest present (nothing extravagant but nothing too cheap either–like from the middle of the registry price range), show up and hold the gift in your lap (don’t put it on the table with the other gifts) and sit in the back (remember Luke!!\*) Oh–and you should also wear a nice scarf around your neck–to remind you of the Jewish “tallis” (the prayer shawl). > > JUST before the ring exchange (usually right after the vows) you need to stand up, say “I am the surprise guest” and whirl your scarf over your head three times. You then say something like “I wish you the best of luck in your future life together” (you can be creative and speak from the heart here, but two sentences, tops–brevity) and then quietly sit back down. After the vows are exchanged the bride and groom will have a few words with their parents and then invite you to the main table in honor of the Parable of the Chairs (See below–Luke 14:7-11). You then hand him the gift which he holds onto in the receiving line. > > It’s actually a really moving part of the ceremony. > > Hope this helps!! > \*Luke 14:7-11 He spoke a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they chose the best seats, and said to them, “When you are not invited by anyone to a marriage feast, don’t sit in the best seat, since perhaps someone more honorable than you might be invited by him, and he who’s marriage it is would come and tell you, ‘Make room for this person.’ Then you would begin, with shame, to take the lowest place. But when you are not invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when he who is getting married comes, he may tell you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” It’s been so long since I’ve been to church, I had pretty much forgotten about this ritual. Some close friends of mine are christening their baby, and I’m pretty sure that they meant for me to be a godparent. Is “Godless heathen” code for “please be our child’s spiritual guide”? No matter; I have decided that it does mean just that. So when I attend as their honored secret guest godparent, what kind of gift should I bring? You seem knowledgeable in these matters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-invited-to-friends-wedding-at-a-park/664217.md?page=4)