# Not one, but TWO new Chick tracts out today. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 3, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328 "2004-05-03T19:52:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/1 "2004-05-03T19:52:45Z")
Numero Uno: [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1018/1018\_01.asp](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1018/1018_01.asp) Typical story of a loser who is at life’s edge and ends up meeting some schmuck who ends up saving him in the name of Jesus. Jesus would love to have this guy. Numero Dos: [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052\_01.asp](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp) A, oh hell, this one is too stupid to summarize. I don’t recall any gay guys going around my school preaching tolerance, though probably because the kids at my school would probably beat them with baseball bats. So, which one is dumber? ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/2 "2004-05-03T20:09:40Z")
I’m going with the second one only because the tract fails to explain the difference between gay and Gay. And remember kids, if anyone tries to make _ **you** _ Gay, stay _ **away** _ from them. The first tract did contain this little gem: I’m UNWANTED, UNLOVED, DISOWNED…and the doctor says I’m dying of CANCER but at least my mouth is squeaky clean. Chew Orbit! ---
**Author:** ![LilShieste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@LilShieste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilShieste)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/3 "2004-05-03T20:19:37Z")
Wow. And to think I actually owned a couple of these tracts when I was really young (around 7ish, I’m sure). As a side note (and um, in my defense)- the 2 tracts I had were _nothing_ like these. I especially like panels 19 and 20, in the second tract– > [@Susy](#): > > But now we can’t **have** a Bible – or even talk about **Jesus** in school. So kids grow up not knowing what God says about the **devil** or what **sin** is! Man… times sure have changed since I grew up. When, exactly, did _parents_ stop teaching _their kids_ about these sorts of things? :wally LilShieste ---
**Author:** ![Strainger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strainger/32/244_2.png) [@Strainger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strainger)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/4 "2004-05-03T20:28:32Z")
It appears that Jack is adopting the _Passion of the Christ_ style in his crucifixion depictions. Check out the shredded arm in the first link. Re: the second link. So, if I turn gay, will I get my own little imp to crawl about my shoulders and head? Because I could totally go for that. Also, someone needs to inform Jack that most black girls nowadays do not look like Cleopatra Jones. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/5 "2004-05-03T20:32:20Z")
I wonder where I can get a pet demon, like the gay guys in the tract have. Can you train them? Do they do tricks? Do you have to buy an asbestos litter box for them? And what do pet demons eat? Kibbles and souls? And since when do we have “new laws” mandating school visits by gay couples? Ah, but I forgot, becaue no gay person can have a child by natural means, we have to recruit to increase our unholy ranks. Of course, I didn’t have to be recruited, I enlisted. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/6 "2004-05-03T20:36:45Z")
I thought it was heartwarming and postivie and uplifting . . . If they’d have stopped at panel no. 12, before demonic little Susy opened her pie-hole. ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/7 "2004-05-03T20:37:34Z")
#2 by a long long shot. “God expects a man to marry a woman and have children ANY other way is forbidden by God” So adoption by heterosexual couples is out too Jack? “God doesn’t want ANYONE to go to hell” Then why’d it make it so damn easy Jack? Seems like God (In Jack’s world) is a sadist that whines about how much he hates hurting people. The Sodomites worshiped Satan, were possessed with devils and hated god? I don’t remember that passage…Unless someone corrects me I’m going to assume Jack just made that part up. I like how he dropped the ‘Offering virgin daughters to the mob’ part of the Lot story. And the incest that followed. Gays are the same type of people? I guess Jack thinks that they are all Satan worshipers, possessed and hate god huh? Jesus has to open the book of life to see whos name is in it? So much for knowing everything. She feels bad for the kids that will burn in eternal hellfire because they didn’t follow Jack Chick? So do I Susy…so do I. ---
**Author:** ![LilShieste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@LilShieste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilShieste)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/8 "2004-05-03T20:41:32Z")
> [@Strainger](#): > > So, if I turn gay, will I get my own little imp to crawl about my shoulders and head? Ohhhh, _that’s_ what those are! The one crawling all over Charles (the wife) was readily apparent… but that one on Larry… I have to say, I thought it was some kind of huge, scary dentistry tool, in the first panel with them. 🙂 Also, I’m confused-- in the panel right before Larry and Charles leave, Larry says: > [@Larry](#): > > \…But some people are evil and intolerant.\*" > \*- Those who refuse to support gays. Why did he feel the need to throw this in there? Does Jack Chick think people who bombed abortion clinics were “tolerant”, as well? He goes on to say: > [@](#): > > But if we get **our** way, they’ll **all** be in prison. Yep, because we all know that homosexuals are conspiring to have _everyone_ jailed (not just the ones who murder homosexuals). LilShieste ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/9 "2004-05-03T20:41:49Z")
I really liked the panel that showed god sending his son to get rid of sin with the big dotted arrow. Looked like furniture assembly instructions (insert Son of God (tab A) in to Earth (Slot B). ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/10 "2004-05-03T20:41:57Z")
Larry’s face is melting in one of those panels of the second tract. But, I’ve got to say, the first tract didn’t offend me, at least. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/11 "2004-05-03T20:51:40Z")
> [@Captain Amazing](#): > > Larry’s face is melting in one of those panels of the second tract. But, I’ve got to say, the first tract didn’t offend me, at least. I figured that he was vogueing. ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/12 "2004-05-03T20:54:15Z")
“All three kids got saved.” That’s a rather lazy climax after having demons in the first six panels. ---
**Author:** ![joshmaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a587f6/32.png) [@joshmaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joshmaker)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/13 "2004-05-03T20:58:17Z")
“This better be good or I am gonna jump.” Now that is comic gold. ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/14 "2004-05-03T20:58:43Z")
When the two men walk away in “Unloved,” it looks like maybe they are holding hands. Maybe they grow up to be the married couple in “Birds and the Bees.” ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/15 "2004-05-03T21:00:01Z")
Hey perhaps someone can help me figure this out. In **Baby Talk** Jack claims God knew you before he formed you in the womb (nevermind that God was talking to a specific profit and not all of mankind) so abortion is wrong. However the faceless man on the throne loves to tell people “depart from me I never knew you” So if God knows you in the womb but doesn’t know you unless you accept Jesus into your heart how does that work? Do babies have some sort of default “Known by God” post it note in the book of life? And when does that effect wear off? At birth? When you can talk? Clearly before elementary school however for we’ve seen enough school children in hellfire. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/16 "2004-05-03T21:06:49Z")
My Lord! Someone needs to _save_ those poor, innocent children! Just look at those slimey, lecherous devils just dribbling all over themselves at the chance to get thier filthy hands on those angelic kids! Those dirty, filthy, disgusting…_DENTISTS!_ * * * Fagjunk theology: Not just for Sodomite Propagandists anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/17 "2004-05-03T21:13:15Z")
I figure pet demons are sort of like ferrets, only better-smelling. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/18 "2004-05-03T21:14:07Z")
I’m kinda torn. On the one hand, we have the guy in #1 focusing on his divorce when, a few panels later, he just kinda-sorta off-handedly mentions that he’s dying of cancer. Kinda like, “Oh, and do you know what _else_ is fucked up?” > [@Da' Loser on Da' Bridge](#): > > This better be good or I’m going to jump. I think he should have jumped. On the _other_ hand, the crawly-crawly demons of #2 were just so damn cute. It’s an even toss-up for me. ---
**Author:** ![Never\_to\_be\_Queen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Never\_to\_be\_Queen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Never_to_be_Queen)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/19 "2004-05-03T22:30:18Z")
How did the guy in the first tract, the one who talked Jimmy from jumping off the bridge, know that the Looser Guy’s name was Jimmy? He didn’t tell him. Maybe the guy heard Jimmy’s parents scream it at him over the years. Anyway, I am off to marry the senator and then call my parents to tell them what I did. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/20 "2004-05-03T22:34:32Z")
Y’all might be interested in the discussion of [older tracts](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=4821377#post4821377) going on over in MPSIMS. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328.md?page=2)