# Not one, but TWO new Chick tracts out today. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 3, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328 "2004-05-03T19:52:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/21 "2004-05-03T22:38:39Z")
I want me a pet demon like Charles has. He’s just so cute with his little horns and moustache! However, dentists? What kind of chosen profession is that for gay men. They should have been dancers, interior designers or hair stylists. Really Chickie, get with it! ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/22 "2004-05-03T23:02:35Z")
It’s also interesting to note the first professional woman we’ve seen is an overachieving gold digger whose sole purpose is to make her brother’s life worse. Every other woman in Jack’s universe seems to be a homemaker or white trash. I’ve waited and waited for the women should stay home track but alas I don’t think we’ll ever get it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@Johnny\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_G)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/23 "2004-05-03T23:03:06Z")
> [@The Man With The Golden Gun](#): > > Numero Uno: > > [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1018/1018\_01.asp](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1018/1018_01.asp) > > Typical story of a loser who is at life’s edge and ends up meeting some schmuck who ends up saving him in the name of Jesus. Jesus would love to have this guy. It’s obvious that Chick is a tool of the Bush administration, Jesus in these tracks are representing Bush. So you must embrace Bush to be saved. It’s obvious to anyone who reads between the lines. > [@](#): > > Numero Dos: > > [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052\_01.asp](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp) > > A, oh hell, this one is too stupid to summarize. I don’t recall any gay guys going around my school preaching tolerance, though probably because the kids at my school would probably beat them with baseball bats. > > So, which one is dumber? Another pro-Bush piece. Bush is anti-gay, as is this track, because Gays are bringing down the US population and preventing the US from having an excess population to colonize the middle east effectively. They are both dumb, but I found the first one much more to my disliking. ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/24 "2004-05-03T23:12:30Z")
Jack missed the obvious conclusion to Tract 1, though: A year later, materialistic Nancy (whom I bet never tithed a penny of her six figure income) and the hateful parents died in a tragic helicoptor crash while flying to her private island and were tossed into a lake of fire. I’m so disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![VampyChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5daacb/32.png) [@VampyChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VampyChick)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/25 "2004-05-03T23:19:47Z")
So, Nancy got made a partner at her law firm after one big case? Hmm. Conclusion: Nancy’s blowing the senior partners. Aside from all his other crimes against art and, y’know, sanity, Chick commits one of the cardinal sins of narration far too often: he tells, not shows. We don’t see the parents congratulating their daughter on marrying the senator at her wedding, we see her calling them to tell them. They don’t even know the new husband is rich! As for the second one, I’m reasonably certain I’ve seen creepy little Susy lead that particular group of kids to Chick–er, Christ before. What’s up with that? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/26 "2004-05-03T23:22:58Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > Those dirty, filthy, disgusting…_DENTISTS!_ What are you, an anti-dentite??! Oooh, Jack Chick vs. Johnny G! This should be good. Who’s more delusional? Place your bets! By the way, is it wrong that I kind of agree with the evil father in the first tract? Kick your bum of a son out and let him make his own way, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/27 "2004-05-03T23:24:45Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > …those dirty, filthy, disgusting…_DENTISTS!_ Anti-Dentite! ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/28 "2004-05-03T23:28:17Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > What are you, an anti-dentite??!.. Kaaaahn! Scooped while dorking around with code. ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/29 "2004-05-03T23:29:31Z")
> [@VampyChick](#): > > As for the second one, I’m reasonably certain I’ve seen creepy little Susy lead that particular group of kids to Chick–er, Christ before. What’s up with that? This is Susy’s third up to bat. Seems to be the newest series character. ---
**Author:** ![Otters\_We\_Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3da27b/32.png) [@Otters\_We\_Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otters_We_Love)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/30 "2004-05-03T23:33:54Z")
The second tract made me think. Were kids allowed to mention Jesus and salvation in school? If so, how come the atheists and some parents not freak out about it back then? Shouldn’t kids be allowed to talk about whatever? I remember discussing reincarnation when Suzy’s age. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/31 "2004-05-03T23:38:01Z")
"I’m **UNWANTED, UNLOVED, DISOWNED** … and the doctor says I’m dying of **CANCER!** I’m a complete **FAILURE!** If there is a god, He’ll probably send me to hell." “He knows what you’ve been through and Yes, Jimmy; yes He will!” ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/32 "2004-05-03T23:38:33Z")
Kids of course talk about God in school. Only in Jack’s world that if you do that you get screamed at forced to make public apologies and are in danger of being locked in an asylum. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/33 "2004-05-03T23:42:33Z")
Is it just me, or was that the same teacher/kid combo that recently appeared in an evilutionist tract? ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/34 "2004-05-03T23:51:18Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > Is it just me, or was that the same teacher/kid combo that recently appeared in an evilutionist tract? Susie is a recurring character: [Li’l Susie](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp) [Apes and Lies](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1051/1051_01.asp) [Birds and Bees](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp) ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/35 "2004-05-04T00:19:06Z")
Ah, thanks. It _is_ the same teacher as in Apes and Lies. And such an attractive woman, too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/36 "2004-05-04T00:34:39Z")
I’ve got to admire Jesus’s hair in the 2nd tract. That long flowing stuff was so '80s. Looks somewhat like Carson Kressley’s 'do, come to think of it… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/37 "2004-05-04T00:34:59Z")
If only bad people were as easy to identify in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/38 "2004-05-04T01:44:45Z")
I trust everybody read Jack’s “shocking truth” about why he wrote The Birds and the Bees: > [@](#): > > I never dreamed that we would need a tract to help stem this tide in our schools. **But I believe God has given us the perfect tract for kids.** It’s simply called “Birds and the Bees.” (emphasis mine) It must be really great to be an actual scribe of God Himself. Why, didn’t you know, all these tracts aren’t from the mouth of Chick, they’re written by God; Chick is just the transcriber! What a sad little man. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/39 "2004-05-04T01:45:09Z")
> [@Strainger](#): > > It appears that Jack is adopting the _Passion of the Christ_ style in his crucifixion depictions. Check out the shredded arm in the first link. > > Re: the second link. So, if I turn gay, will I get my own little imp to crawl about my shoulders and head? Because I could totally go for that. Also, someone needs to inform Jack that most black girls nowadays do not look like Cleopatra Jones. Actually, The Passion of the Christ seemed modeled after Chickian JC Crucifixions. The Crusaders Comic #8(?) THE GIFT has a really shredded Jesus- that was from the late 1970s. I haven’t checked the 2nd tract yet but if it’s decent art, it was drawn by Fred Carter who is black. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/40 "2004-05-04T01:57:36Z")
OK. Unloved art indeed appears Chickian (except for the Bible scenes, which are Carterian), while Birds & Bees art looks Carterian but based on Chick. And this is really awful, but that girl in the last few panels talking with Suzy is gonna be a hottie _L_ Why does Ms. Henn (I’m still trying to figure out what’s odd about her name, there MUST be a hidden meaning!) get to mention God? Has anyone seen the woefully out-of-print WOUNDED CHILDREN Chick tract? About as compassionate a tract as JTC could write about homosexuality yet he lets that one expire & rehashes Sodom ones. Oh well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328.md?page=3)