# Not one, but TWO new Chick tracts out today. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 3, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328 "2004-05-03T19:52:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/41 "2004-05-04T02:01:54Z")
[http://www.chick.com/catalog/comics/crucifixion.asp](http://www.chick.com/catalog/comics/crucifixion.asp) Behold Chick’s Passion of the Christ! Done about 25 years ago. Btw, the site has an article criticizing Mel’s movie for, of course, the Catholic stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/42 "2004-05-04T02:04:12Z")
> [@masonite](#): > > I trust everybody read Jack’s “shocking truth” about why he wrote The Birds and the Bees:(emphasis mine) > > It must be really great to be an actual scribe of God Himself. Why, didn’t you know, all these tracts aren’t from the mouth of Chick, they’re written by God; Chick is just the transcriber! > > What a sad little man. Yeah, but not for that reason. I’ve encountered born-again Christians who insist that the Bible was written by God; Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and everyone else were just transcribers. Sounds like JTC is saying his tracts are an extension of that. ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/43 "2004-05-04T02:10:49Z")
I like this part on his explanation behind the B’s & B’s. > [@](#): > > the “straights” (non-gays) look like a bunch of idiots. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/44 "2004-05-04T02:11:47Z")
Ya know, it would be really cool if James Lileks would give Chick the treatment he so richly deserves. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/45 "2004-05-04T02:12:56Z")
Actually, coming to think about it more, I sort of like the first tract, if only because it’s sort of anti Gospel of Wealth and all that. I mean, Jimmy is a total loser that everything bad happens to and that nobody loves. But somebody does love him…God. God loves Jimmy so much that he came down to earth as Jesus, to be the “ultimate loser”, put to death even though he didn’t do anything wrong. Jimmy’s unfortunate circumstances aren’t God’s curse or His punisment. This message, at least, however boneheaded and hateful some of Chick’s other tracts may be, is inclusive, not exclusive. Look who the message is for…“if you’re unloved and unwanted and your family has rejected you…” So, the first tract, at least, I can’t find anything really bad about the message. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/46 "2004-05-04T03:29:44Z")
> [@Jeff Olsen](#): > > Yeah, but not for that reason. I’ve encountered born-again Christians who insist that the Bible was written by God; Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and everyone else were just transcribers. Sounds like JTC is saying his tracts are an extension of that. I don’t think that’s too far out there – it’s the standard inerrant-literalist viewpoint. What I took umbrage at was the idea of Chick comparing himself to the Apostles, bringing us the very Word of God in comicbook form. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, he ain’t. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/47 "2004-05-04T03:37:50Z")
[QUOTE=Binarydrone] Kaaaahn! [QUOTE] Seen [the best use for an unused URL in the history of the internet](http://www.khaaan.com) yet? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/48 "2004-05-04T03:38:59Z")
Fuggin hamsters stole my slash. ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/49 "2004-05-04T04:00:02Z")
“God expects a man to marry a woman and have children.” Is that _all_ men and women? Because if it is, then I’ve let God down anyway. I’ve never married and my childbearing days are quickly coming to a close. Maybe I should go out, grab some schmoe, marry him and get it on before it’s too late. Or maybe not. Or maybe it means that all men should be married but any leftover women are OK by God. About the whole gay thing, Jack seems to coveniently forget that little Biblical line that says, “Thou shalt not judge.” It doesn’t say, “Thou shalt not judge, except when it suits your purposes.” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/50 "2004-05-04T04:31:15Z")
In reading the first tract, I can’t help but thinking that God could have at least cured the guy’s cancer. I mean, you know, look at the shit God put that poor bastard through, and then the guy converts to Chickianity, so you’d think that God could at least cut him the same deal He did with Job. As for the second tract, well, that was pretty lame. I mean, you know, it had gays, and Chick _hates_ gays, so you think that he could have had a panel showing Satan using some kind of creative punishment on those guys. After all, I’m sure Chick would be happy to show demons sodomizing (Why does Sodomy get all the attention and not Gomorrha?) heterosexuals in Hell, why not show gay men being forced to perform cunnilingus or lesbians forced to perform oral sex on demons? Equal time and all that. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/51 "2004-05-04T04:44:22Z")
> [@](#): > > And this is really awful, but that girl in the last few panels talking with Suzy is gonna be a hottie _L_ Nothing wrong with thinking that. I personally prefer Debbie from Dark Dungeons though. She’s already a hottie, and she’s into D&D… very very sexy. _drools_ ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/52 "2004-05-04T13:22:35Z")
In tract #2, page 18, I particularly like the line “…God fire-bombed the cities and turned them to ashes.” AND the image, in that same panel, of a Sodomite having a hole blown right through him by one of the fire bombs. Additionally, Suzy’s line about “I feel so bad about all the kids who’ll be tricked into believing it’s OK to be Gay and _ **not** _ believing in Jesus.” …Like being one is exclusive of the other. And why does he feel the need to capitalize the words _Gay_ and _Queer_, but not the word _angel_? Oh, and one more thing. That doesn’t look like a demon hugging Larry on page two. Looks like a cicada to me. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/53 "2004-05-04T13:49:48Z")
That’s the thing I don’t get; these hyper-fundies are all about ‘salvation through faith alone; there’s absolutely no other way you can get to heaven except believing, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to make yourself worthy and there’s absolutely nothing you’ve done that makes you beyond the reach of salvation; you just have to believe in Jesus, that’s all, nothing more, nothing less, oh and also you have to not be gay’ ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/54 "2004-05-04T13:52:05Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > you just have to believe in Jesus, that’s all, nothing more, nothing less, oh and also you have to not be gay’ Well, I think the idea is, if you believe in Jesus, you won’t be gay…you know, that people have decided to reject God and be gay. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/55 "2004-05-04T14:07:11Z")
> [@masonite](#): > > What I took umbrage at was the idea of Chick comparing himself to the Apostles, bringing us the very Word of God in comicbook form. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, he ain’t. Why didn’t you say so? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/56 "2004-05-04T14:12:07Z")
OK, Jimmy the Loser at least has someone get redeemed after having had a sucking life. Little if any spewing of hatred. As mentioned, we don’t even get to see his parents, sister, her kids and the senator get thrown into the Lake of Fire to the accompaniment of Haw-Haw-Haw-ing demons. Nice breather Little Susy, OTOH, is just an ever deeper journey into her evil parallel universe. Yikes! (BTW, fret not **FriarTed** , a mild lolicon vibe has earlier been pointed out as present in the Little Suzy series :eek: . What we need is to find a decent doujinshi artiste who’ll improve one of her stories with few tentacle-monsters.) **Tuckerfan** , now that would be some research project: “Gomorry - a perversion lost forever to history?”. ---
**Author:** ![Sweetums](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/57 "2004-05-04T14:35:13Z")
> [@VampyChick](#): > > So, Nancy got made a partner at her law firm after one big case? Hmm. > > Conclusion: Nancy’s blowing the senior partners. ``` Not at all, the tract fails to mention what firm Nancy is with. ``` Yes, advancment can be quick at Wolfram and Hart. Retirement plan sucks though. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/58 "2004-05-04T15:32:16Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > I figure pet demons are sort of like ferrets, only better-smelling. I dunno, musk vs. sulphur is a tossup. I’d have to go with musky smell; at least when you bathe a ferret it goes away for a while, plus they’re quieter about the whole process. (And pet demons **really** fuss when you bring them to the vet to get the scent glands removed. They called in a couple priests when I brought mine in…) ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/59 "2004-05-04T17:41:54Z")
What exactly is it about Lil’ Susy that creeps me out? Is it the massive vacant eyes and that miniscule button nose? Is it the way she sounds like a possessed mouth-piece for her Grandpa? Is it the way she has the makings of her own little cult among her classmates? Is it the way she has a unexplicable encyclopedic knowledge of the ways of Satan? No, I think it’s the way her face turns into a hate-filled, twisted mask when she really gets warmed up. I forsee a degree in law, followed by career in politics. ---
**Author:** ![Otters\_We\_Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3da27b/32.png) [@Otters\_We\_Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otters_We_Love)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/60 "2004-05-04T18:05:30Z")
So is that how Sharpton got started? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328.md?page=4)