# Not one, but TWO new Chick tracts out today. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 3, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328 "2004-05-03T19:52:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/61 "2004-05-04T18:15:37Z")
The idea of Lil Susy’s grandfather creeps me out. Has anyone ever seen this man?Why is there no mention of her mother and father? Is Susy basically the dummy to his venquiloquist, or is “Grandpa” an alternate personality of Susy’s MPD? 😕 :eek: ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/62 "2004-05-04T18:38:03Z")
Am I the only one who thinks that Jack Chick really doesn’t believe a word of this crap, and he’s only in it for the money? And when it’s all over, he and Rush Limbaugh will admit to all and walk away with their millions, and whatchoo gonna do about it, suck-ah? I mean, I just can’t believe that someone this CLUELESS can be making an actual attempt to teach values. I can dismiss the moronic anti-marijuana PSMs as political posturing, but who is Chick answerable to? Man, just add these tracts to the ever-growing list of things I can’t even _look_ at anymore. I think they gave me heartburn last night. Oh, and the parody tracts were a blast. Not really sure exactly what their “official” stance is on life after death, but I think that was the point…it can be a number of things, nobody knows for certain, the important thing is that you live a long, happy, productive life. Personally, I’m now a firm believer in reincarnation. There’s simply no other explanation for humanity clinging to the same idiotic beliefs for this long. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/63 "2004-05-04T18:41:56Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > ? Is Susy basically the dummy to his venquiloquist, or is “Grandpa” an alternate personality of Susy’s MPD? 😕 :eek: I always figured her grandpa was Bob. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/64 "2004-05-04T18:50:03Z")
No way Bob’s the granddad. Bob is a virgin. Someone that smarmy and self-righteous is not going to get laid. Besides he probably takes Paul’s recommendation to remain celibate and single seriously. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/65 "2004-05-04T20:10:55Z")
I went back and looked at the tract where Chickie spawned Lil’ Suzy. Her mother died when she was born and her father died of a heart attack. That’s why she lives with gramps. Bob does have a wife. I remember her in a couple of Bob tracts. She’s a homely creature. I think a “come as your favorite Chickie character” would be a fun dopefest. I’d wanna be Charles just to have a little demon sitting on my head all night. It’d be _f-aaaaaaaaaaa-bu-lous!_ ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/66 "2004-05-04T20:35:48Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Bob does have a wife. I remember her in a couple of Bob tracts. She’s a homely creature. He’s probably still celibate, though. She’s just a beard. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/67 "2004-05-04T21:01:22Z")
I liked the first one. Just remember kids, Jesus is for losers. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/68 "2004-05-04T21:26:51Z")
#2, page 17, panel 2… Is that Scooby Doo in the front center? :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/69 "2004-05-04T22:14:56Z")
> [@Captain Amazing](#): > > Well, I think the idea is, if you believe in Jesus, you won’t be gay…you know, that people have decided to reject God and be gay. Well, that’s certainly _one_ idea, sort of. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/70 "2004-05-04T22:16:45Z")
> [@Futile Gesture](#): > > What exactly is it about Lil’ Susy that creeps me out? > > Is it the massive vacant eyes and that miniscule button nose? > Is it the way she sounds like a possessed mouth-piece for her Grandpa? > Is it the way she has the makings of her own little cult among her classmates? > Is it the way she has a unexplicable encyclopedic knowledge of the ways of Satan? > > No, I think it’s the way her face turns into a hate-filled, twisted mask when she really gets warmed up. I disagree; it’s her pied black-and-white hair; she’s a Badger badger badger badger… ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/71 "2004-05-04T23:35:32Z")
I say we form a rescue group to get Suzy out of Grampa’s evil brainwashing clutches and get her into some serious deprogramming. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/72 "2004-05-05T17:08:04Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > #2, page 17, panel 2… > > Is that Scooby Doo in the front center? > > :eek: :eek: :eek: Yup, that’s him all right. [Sodomites]We would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for that meddling deity[/Sodomites] ---
**Author:** ![MysticMilt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@MysticMilt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysticMilt)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/73 "2004-05-05T17:28:10Z")
My favorite part of all Chick tracts is the last panel, on the right, where it says, “Did you accept Jesus Christ as your own personal Saviour?” with Yes and No checkboxes. First of all, how funny would it be for someone to check no, and secondly, it’s weirdly reminiscent of the “will you go with me?” notes from elementary school. ---
**Author:** ![MysticMilt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@MysticMilt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysticMilt)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/74 "2004-05-05T17:29:48Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Yup, that’s him all right. No, no, no, dude – it’s totally Marmaduke. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/75 "2004-05-05T17:31:57Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Yup, that’s him all right. > > [Sodomites]We would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for that meddling deity[/Sodomites] Uh, uh! It’s obviously Scrappy Doo. And he deserves to have died far more painfully. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/76 "2004-05-05T17:40:46Z")
I always figured Peter Lorre & Vincent Price for queer, but until tract 2 I never knew for certain. (I’m still shocked that Vincent is _the woman_.) Did you read Chick’s [shocking truth behind why he wrote this](http://www.chick.com/birdsandbeesletter.asp)? It’s as good as the tract. > [@](#): > > In 1940 who on earth would even dream the day would come when a flaming sodomite would sit in front of a first grade class, reading a book for 3-7 year-olds, entitled, Gloria Goes to Gay Pride? Our godless school system intends to push the gay agenda from kindergarten through college. And it’s already happening. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/77 "2004-05-05T17:46:08Z")
Who wants to bet that Jimmy’s mansion in heaven has termites while his sister’s makes the cover of _Afterlife Architectural Digest_? Odd that her parents loved her so much and yet they apparently didn’t even know she was getting married and didn’t even meet her kids until they were several years old. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/78 "2004-05-05T17:47:53Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > He’s probably still celibate, though. She’s just a beard. Ya know **Homebrew** sweetie I do believe we are on to something here about ol’ Bob. AIR he brought home a priest (aptly named Damien) once. I’ll just bet there was some hanky panky going on there after the little woman went to bed. 😉 Ok, obviously I have spent way too much time at Chickie’s site lately. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/79 "2004-05-05T18:04:10Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Did you read Chick’s [shocking truth behind why he wrote this](http://www.chick.com/birdsandbeesletter.asp)? What’s telling about his tale is he completely fails to see the difference between a rape and a relationship. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328/80 "2004-05-05T18:43:50Z")
I think that Dopers should team up with Andrew Lloyd Webber to write **CHICK! the Musical** The opening number of course is ‘Wake (us) Up! Little Susie!’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-one-but-two-new-chick-tracts-out-today/243328.md?page=5)