# Not right now **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 3, 2023, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029 "2023-10-03T01:38:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/1 "2023-10-03T01:38:09Z")
Ok. I often go to local church dinners; they are helpful to some of the homeless, people also who want to save on their food money. Been noticing a cute guy there. Chatted briefly with him last week, first time we spoke. He always sits with his friend. I brought my neighbor/ girl pal with me. I am a bit impatient, so I had her go up to him after I walked out and say, my friend thinks you’re cute, you want her number? She said he said, Not right now. Being female, I analyze everything; what did he mean by That? Now I’m wondering what he meant and my fellow Dopers are good at analyzing stuff, so help? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/2 "2023-10-03T01:43:30Z")
It means what he said. Not right now. It might also be “… or never”. There is nowhere near enough info available to you or to us to answer any further questions. I’m assuming the friend the cute guy brought to the church event was also a guy? And that they were not holding hands at lunch? Is that church the sort that would accept, or be aghast at, gay guys being, well, gay? Chat with him next week and this time ask him for his number. DO it yourself, not through an intermediary. You’ll then be able to watch his body language, hear his tone of voice, etc. I bet however that conversation wraps up you’ll have your answer for sure. I can’t predict what it will be, just that it’ll be obvious to you then. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/3 "2023-10-03T01:49:45Z")
Start over with someone else. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/4 "2023-10-03T01:51:25Z")
Maybe slip him a Mickey next time? I don’t do church functions, so I’m not familiar with your customs. If theirs no alcohol my plan won’t work. Another angle: the only man I know who goes to church with another man shares a bed with that man. Often “not now” is a way of softening the blow. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/5 "2023-10-03T02:11:03Z")
I’m not getting that vibe. I have seen guy friends eat together. I’m wondering if hes homeless, I notice he wears crocs and no socks, bushy hair and beard. We were early and saw them pull up, the friend was driving. My pal and I chatted up the friend, I asked if they lived around here, he said, guy does. Edited: its a church, its not a service, they provide meals for whoever shows up. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/6 "2023-10-03T02:17:59Z")
I’d sit with him next time. Don’t offer him a place to crash if you find out he’s homeless. I know you have a big heart. But just…no. Crocs w/o socks? Not so bad. Unless he has dirty feet. That’s not negotiable.🫣 Good luck friend.😊 ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/7 "2023-10-03T02:51:50Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > I brought my neighbor/ girl pal with me. I am a bit impatient, so I had her go up to him after I walked out and say, my friend thinks you’re cute, you want her number? She said he said, Not right now. I mean, he may have been put off by you having your friend go to his table and ask him if he likes you instead of doing it yourself? Isn’t that kinda middle school? ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/8 "2023-10-03T02:52:34Z")
It is. But I don’t like rejection, I was trepidatious. I see him at the dinners mon-thurs. I be going tomorrow, come what may. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/9 "2023-10-03T03:09:03Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I’d sit with him next time. I dunno. That would have been my next-move suggestion if the OP hadn’t had her friend explicitly tell him that she (the OP) thought he was cute. But if you (generic you) let a guy know right out that you think he’s cute, and his response is anything more tepid than “Wow, thanks!!” or “How you doin’, ma’am?”, then I would say leave him strictly alone for at least the next few weeks. I mean, you can briefly nod and smile if you cross paths, but let him see that you’re respecting his “no thank you”. Same as you would want a guy to do if he’d told you he thought you were cute but you weren’t interested just now. Maybe this man just needs time to process the compliment, and at some point would actually be interested in cautiously getting better acquainted. But if that’s the case, let him be the one to approach you. He knows who you are and is perfectly capable of speaking to you at one of these dinners if he wants to. Just my $0.02. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/10 "2023-10-03T03:12:04Z")
Excellent advice. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/11 "2023-10-03T10:32:36Z")
Moderating: > [@kayaker](#): > > Maybe slip him a Mickey next time? I don’t do church functions, so I’m not familiar with your customs. If theirs no alcohol my plan won’t work. Please don’t joke about rape. We’ve been trying to move the board away from that kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/12 "2023-10-03T14:34:36Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > I am a bit impatient For someone that claims they’re impatient, why would you send a friend? That’s a weak sauce move. It shows lack of confidence. Confidence is an attractive quality that most people look for. Showing lack of confidence can be considered a turn-off. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/13 "2023-10-03T15:45:37Z")
He said “not right now.” There’s your answer. He’s not interested so leave him alone. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/14 "2023-10-03T15:45:52Z")
A little late to fix that. I am not bothering him. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/15 "2023-10-03T17:36:25Z")
“Not right now” isn’t “no.” That implies there may be a later. My first thought is maybe he has an “it’s complicated” relationship winding down. I wouldn’t cross him off yet but maybe try talking to him from time to time and see how he acts. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/16 "2023-10-03T18:08:21Z")
Even if it’s not a no, he should probably be scratched off the list. There are lots of people in the world. There’s no reason to keep a “not right now” person in the list of possible contenders. Find someone who’s a “Oh Yes!” from the start. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/17 "2023-10-03T21:26:11Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > I had her go up to him after I walked out and say, my friend thinks you’re cute, you want her number? She said he said, Not right now. > Being female, I analyze everything; what did he mean by That? Maybe he thought she made up the part about “my friend thinks” and was asking for herself, so he was rejecting _her_, not _you_. They don’t call me Mr. Relationship Advice for nothing. 😜 ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/18 "2023-10-03T21:47:01Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > “Not right now” isn’t “no.” That implies there may be a later. IMHO this is a literal rather than a cultural interpretation. “Not right now” is the equivalent of what I usually say when a retailer is participating in some obnoxious charity program and asks “would you like to contribute an extra $2 to xxx charity?”. I sometimes actually contribute if it’s something I believe in, but what I usually say is “not today, thanks”. It doesn’t mean “maybe tomorrow”. It means “no”. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/19 "2023-10-03T23:24:32Z")
Well, I talked a woman I’ve seen at the dinners for years. When I first saw him, his affect looked Off, plus hes said some off the wall things… My girlfriend thought so also. The woman said he used to have a business, but had a couple falls, hitting his head those times, so that explains that. Probably on disability. I will just enjoy the dinners. If he ever changes his mind, I will know. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2023, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029/20 "2023-10-03T23:46:42Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > IMHO this is a literal rather than a cultural interpretation. “Not right now” is the equivalent of what I usually say when a retailer is participating in some obnoxious charity program and asks “would you like to contribute an extra $2 to xxx charity?”. In that context yes. But if a woman was showing interest in me and I didn’t return the interest at all, I would make that clear. I’d personally try to be polite about it, but leaving it open-ended like “not now” isn’t what I’d do. With someone trying to solicit a donation or sell me something, “not now” works because you’ll never see them again. If this is a person who frequents a place I also frequent, it doesn’t work the same way. As to why I’d say “not now”, maybe I’m in a relationship that’s ending. Maybe I just got out of one. Maybe my financial circumstances are bad and I’m trying to get back on my feet and worry that an attempt to start a relationship will just make my life harder and is guaranteed to fail. Maybe I’m about to go on a long trip. There are a lot of legitimate reasons why that might be a real answer. You never know without talking to the person though. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-right-now/991029.md?page=2)