# Not sure what to make of this... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 2, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507 "2003-03-02T02:45:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/41 "2003-03-04T00:12:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Binarydrone \* > \*\* > [li]Did your parents arrive before you were expecting them?[/li][li]Was the 4 feet away the arrangement the whole time that you were in your room, or simply how your parents encountered the tableau?[/li][/list] > And hell, some of this may just be that I am projecting my own lecherous motives, so keep that in mind. \*\* Yes they did get back before I expected, and no we were like that the entire time. The problem I think is not so much that she was here, but that she was here without permission when no one was home. That’s the problem, which I know was wrong. I wasnt upset in the first place either, just needed to state my confusion. If you reread the OP, I admit that I was wrong, and I still maintain that I was. But its just a silly rule IMHO because they should have some trust in me to have people over in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/42 "2003-03-04T01:35:52Z")
It seems to be a bit out of whack for parents to not allow a 17 year-old to have his/her friends in the house when they’re not home. I kind of wonder if parents who set a rule like that up until the kid’s ready to go off to college actually believe there will never be a friend in his/her dorm room. Seems to be quite an unrealistic attempt to hang on to the days when he/she was 7, not 17. ---
**Author:** ![djxiii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6f9a4e/32.png) [@djxiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djxiii)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/43 "2003-03-04T06:58:54Z")
I had a friend when I was in highschool who wasn’t allowed to have any guests in the house if one of her parents was not home. If they had to leave to go somewhere, her friends would have to leave. I have no idea where the rule came from or why because they were very liberal in other areas. Somewhere along the way I won her mom’s trust and became an official exception to the rule (the only one I know of - her boyfriend hated that). She never broke that rule not even to invite someone in to the foyer for a minute. The reason she didn’t violate it was because her parents set so few restrictions on her that her respect for the few that they did was absolute. It was a small thing to be asked in exchange for a host of greater opportunities. I expect that if she hadn’t honoured that rule and the few others… had she ever broken one and then been caught breaking it, there would have been a complete ending of her trusting relationship with her parents. I never understood her parents, but I completely respected the wonderful job they did in raising their daughter. From my own perspective as a parent, I would be blown away if either of my kids broke my trust on something we had established as black and white. Honestly, if they could disobey me on something so clearly defined, what else were they not telling me? It would be quite a blow. My kids have earned my trust and I hope they will always have it. ---
**Author:** ![krisolov](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/krisolov/32/3724_2.png) [@krisolov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krisolov)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/44 "2003-03-04T13:20:31Z")
well, I am a parent also. My oldest being 12, so I freely admit to only having experience with a pre-teen. That being said, I’m not sure I have the same take as many who have previously posted. You go into mexico to go drinking when you’re 17. You have someone over to the house when you’re not supposed to. You were planning a surreptitious getaway with your girlfriend without asking your parents? And you think this is reasonable from your parents perspective? This is the behavior of a self described “good kid”? What may be no big deal to you may be a very big deal indeed to them. I suspect there may be other things going on in your life that they are not too happy about and that’s why they came down so hard on you. Look at things as a whole, from their perspective, and you may see yourself in a less flattering light. At 17 you must be having the debate over college; that can be a pretty stressful event for parents, and the finances are only part of it (the whole leaving home thing can be pretty traumatic to them). My somewhat rambling point is that this situation did not occur in a vacuum. Look at the whole, not just one part and you may understand the situation better. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/45 "2003-03-04T14:19:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eternal \* > \*\*If that’s all you have to work with, you’d be lucky to make a dollhouse. Keep in mind it would still be a lot of work. And then you’d need a doll to keep in it. Then you’d need to say you made it for your sister so that you don’t look gay. \*\* I think **Eternal** is making a little joke here. Read the title of the thread and then his reply. I think it’s just a suggestion of “what to make” and has nothing to do with the content of the OP. or, I could be wrong and he posted in the wrong thread. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/46 "2003-03-04T14:46:23Z")
**iampunha** , **flood** wasn’t sure what to make of something. **Eternal** gave him an idea. Perhaps not a practical idea, but something … constructive. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/47 "2003-03-04T22:22:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Derleth \* > \*\ ***iampunha** , **flood** wasn’t sure what to make of something. **Eternal** gave him an idea. Perhaps not a practical idea, but something … constructive. > > 😃 \*\* I may be wooshed here but what I think what **iampunha** was refering to was his statement about prentending it was for his sister so he wouldn’t look gay. There are many people who are homosexual here and not all of them played with dolls and not every guy who played with dolls growing up is homosexual. If I’m arong about what iampunha was trying to say I’m sorry ---
**Author:** ![jacksen9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce73a5/32.png) [@jacksen9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacksen9)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/48 "2003-03-04T23:02:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*It seems to be a bit out of whack for parents to not allow a 17 year-old to have his/her friends in the house when they’re not home. > > I kind of wonder if parents who set a rule like that up until the kid’s ready to go off to college actually believe there will never be a friend in his/her dorm room. > > Seems to be quite an unrealistic attempt to hang on to the days when he/she was 7, not 17. \*\* If I were a parent, and I am not, I would probably justify this rule in my mind by thinking something along these lines… what you choose to do in college is more your business than what you choose to do in my house. I don’t think I would want my kid to have boyfriends or girlfriends in the bedroom when I was not home. I understand this rule could not possibly prevent my kids from having sex. But I would **feel** more like a responsible parent. ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/49 "2003-03-05T16:22:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by krisolov \* > \*\* You go into mexico to go drinking when you’re 17. You have someone over to the house when you’re not supposed to. You were planning a surreptitious getaway with your girlfriend without asking your parents? And you think this is reasonable from your parents perspective? This is the behavior of a self described “good kid”? What may be no big deal to you may be a very big deal indeed to them. I suspect there may be other things going on in your life that they are not too happy about and that’s why they came down so hard on you. Look at the whole, not just one part and you may understand the situation better. \*\* I am, and apparently you failed to see that I already agreed with what you said. I am by no means perfect, my parents allow my drinking and they know I go across, and I had also discussed the issue of spring break with my parents (though I never got an official ok) and they seemed cool with it if her parents were. I see the whole situation. It was my fault that I brought her in and I knew it was wrong. ---
**Author:** ![krisolov](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/krisolov/32/3724_2.png) [@krisolov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krisolov)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/50 "2003-03-05T21:24:18Z")
That’s good. It sounded to me like you were looking at this as an individual incident instead of what may appear to your parents to be another part of a pattern of behavior that they do not approve of. It looks different from a parent’s eyes, and I’m honestly the last person who ever expected to say that. Standing up and taking your lumps when you’ve f\*\*\*ed up is more mature than a lot of 17 year olds. Good job on that. Some adults could learn a lesson there. ---
**Author:** ![wifeofz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/edb3f5/32.png) [@wifeofz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wifeofz)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/51 "2003-06-18T16:51:42Z")
ok - as a parent - and a relatively strict one with some strict rules - at Senior year in high school - it’s time to start letting go. If you don’t trust your son to have friends in the house at this point, one of two things is true. Either he has given great great reason for this rule (like crime waves - drug addictions, etc) or the parents are really pathetic parents who are giving their son zero confidence by the trust - or lack thereof - that they show in his decision making skills. ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/52 "2003-06-18T17:39:41Z")
Wow, and I thought this thread was lost forever. OK, I guess its time for a little update. You all were right. After a while, my parents cooled off and things were different for a while (I’d say a period of about three weeks where I had a curfew). After that time, it was obvious to my parents that I wouldnt pull another stunt like that again and they started giving me my priveldges back. Now its as if nothing ever happened. I’m no longer with that girl anymore (thank god for small favors but thats reserved for another pit thread which will most probably never be started) and have since been accepted to my first choice college, gone to prom, and graduated. Now I’m enjoying my summer, getting ready for school in the fall, and having fun all around. I guess it wasnt THAT big of a thing if my parents were able to let go of it after a few weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507/53 "2003-06-18T21:07:26Z")
Flood wrote: > [@](#): > > This is the first time I ever, ever go against their word and I dont see how 17 yrs of being a (relatively) good son can be cancelled out because my girlfriend wanted to come in for ten minutes. What bad luck I have I guess. One aw-shit wipes out a thousand 'at-a-boys. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-sure-what-to-make-of-this/158507.md?page=2)