# Not the brightest crayon in the box: euphemisms for the dim-witted **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 22, 2019, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831 "2019-11-22T18:45:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dandan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@Dandan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dandan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/81 "2019-11-25T14:21:38Z")
Couldn’t find his ass in a phone booth with both hands, the door closed, and the light on. Wait, a phone…what? Dan ---
**Author:** ![BlueInfinity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@BlueInfinity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueInfinity)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/82 "2019-11-25T16:53:17Z")
If he went to a mind reader they’d charge him half price. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/83 "2019-11-25T18:00:23Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I think posting a list like that defeats the purpose of the OP, and takes all the fun out of it. I for one am ignoring it. Seconded. 🙂 The elevator only goes down. The factory’s running, but they’re making something different now. Every village has one. Seventeen more of him and we’d have a golf course. ---
**Author:** ![MattDHat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@MattDHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MattDHat)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/84 "2019-11-25T19:39:59Z")
not the brightest bulb on the marquee Doesn’t have the brains of a newt When they were passing out brain he got stuck behind the door… ---
**Author:** ![saucywench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@saucywench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucywench)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/85 "2019-11-25T20:02:27Z")
Dumb as a barrel of hair Dumb as a post Dumb as a wagon wheel If brains were leather, he couldn’t saddle a flea. So stupid if you put his brains in a bumblebee, it’d fly backwards. ---
**Author:** ![zimaane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a3d4f5/32.png) [@zimaane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zimaane)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/86 "2019-11-25T20:16:24Z")
In northern Ghana (amongst the Wala people, to be exact) a stupid person “has blank eyes” To make it more intense, you can say he has “blank eyes like the holes in a tree” ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/87 "2019-11-25T20:43:08Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I think posting a list like that defeats the purpose of the OP, and takes all the fun out of it. I for one am ignoring it. Indeed. Did I come over as ever so slightly…tetchy? Anyway. Here’s a stylistic variant - one where you can substitute pretty much any English county you like; but to honor Mrs Trep\*, we’ll go with the well known Buckinghamshire version: _Bucks born and Bucks bred Strong in the arm and thick in the head._ j - who grew up surrounded by these people - you see? ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/88 "2019-11-25T21:12:28Z")
Ah well, if we’re touring English counties, we can’t overlook Norfolk, where it is said doctors occasionally marked patients’ records with “NFN” (=Normal For Norfolk) - much of the county being deeply rural with isolated villages and a reputation (however undeserved) for inbreeding. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/89 "2019-11-25T21:26:12Z")
My stepdad would say, “So dumb he’d pay a dime to see a piss ant eat a bale of hay!” My brother and I privately agreed that might be worth a dime… ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/90 "2019-11-25T21:50:11Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > Ah well, if we’re touring English counties, we can’t overlook Norfolk, where it is said doctors occasionally marked patients’ records with “NFN” (=Normal For Norfolk) - much of the county being deeply rural with isolated villages and a reputation (however undeserved) for inbreeding. Next stop Yorkshire then. In this context, _Queer_ has the older meaning of peculiar, not quite right. To be said in a confidential tone to a single companion: _All the world’s queer except thee and me. And I’m not too sure about thee._ j Full disclosure: I knew this only as a pithy Yorkshire saying, but checking before posting, it turns out it’s a variant of a Robert Owen quote: _All the world old is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer_. So it seems that some Yorkshire folk are rather smart, and well read to boot. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Maple\_Leaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a8b319/32.png) [@The\_Maple\_Leaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Maple_Leaf)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/91 "2019-11-25T21:53:42Z")
I like this one from “Calvin and Hobbes”: a low-watt bulb. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2019, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/92 "2019-11-25T22:24:52Z")
_“Obtuse enough to be a menace and not stupid enough to be innocuous”_\* \*description of the British ambassador to Nazi Germany, [Sir Nevile Henderson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nevile_Henderson), by British historian L.B. Namier. ---
**Author:** ![Ispolkom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47774/32.png) [@Ispolkom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ispolkom)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/93 "2019-11-26T02:51:03Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Lost some tiles on re-entry. Ooh! Too soon! What? That was **sixteen** years ago? ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/94 "2019-11-26T03:09:08Z")
Dumber than a coal bucket. Doesn’t have the brains God gave a fly’s scrotum. So dumb he thinks Manual Labor is the president of Mexico. ---
**Author:** ![cutman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f04885/32.png) [@cutman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cutman74)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/95 "2019-11-26T14:20:15Z")
Around here we always added "and leakin’ " to “a quart low”. A quart low and leakin’ ---
**Author:** ![zimaane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a3d4f5/32.png) [@zimaane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zimaane)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/96 "2019-11-26T16:05:30Z")
“not the shiniest coin in the fountain” which I think I heard on _Third Rock from the Sun_ ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/97 "2019-11-26T16:11:12Z")
Dave Barry talking about his dog (paraphrase): Her lone thought, rattling around in her brain like a BB in a tuna fish can. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/98 "2019-11-26T16:59:13Z")
Doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground. Doesn’t know shit from Shineola As bright as a burned out light bulb. Talks like a man with a paper ass running through a Forrest fire. Won’t get out of school unless we burn it down. Gets red & blue glasses with his report card\* \*Because he always has 3 D’s ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/99 "2019-11-26T19:00:15Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > In Thai we compare someone with /sǎam sà-lʉ̌ng/ : three ¼-bahts, not a full baht. Any chance you could post the thai characters for this? I’d like to copy them. For the op: His dope’s just not that straight sorry ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Vic\_Parrish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Vic\_Parrish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vic_Parrish)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-euphemisms-for-the-dim-witted/843831/100 "2019-11-26T19:11:06Z")
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