# Not the sharpest tool in the shed. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 21, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954 "2011-12-21T16:16:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/61 "2011-12-21T23:33:22Z")
If brains were gasoline, he would not have enough to power a piss-ant’s go cart around a BB. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/62 "2011-12-22T00:06:17Z")
With all due credit to my wife **Zoe** who introduced me to the concept on our first date 26 years ago: chimehead. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/63 "2011-12-22T01:18:37Z")
The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train’s not coming. As a teacher, I’ve heard a lot of them. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/64 "2011-12-22T01:31:46Z")
“You’re about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!” Patches O’Houlihan ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/65 "2011-12-22T01:49:22Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > There was a power outage at the mall and he was stuck on an escalator for over two hours. When he missed the number 44 bus, he took the number 22 twice instead. When he read that most accidents happen within one mile from home, he moved two miles. When psychics read his mind, they only charge him half price. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/66 "2011-12-22T01:55:51Z")
He’s a meathead. Dead from the neck up. [/Archie Bunker] mmm ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/67 "2011-12-22T02:25:15Z")
Swift, like tree in forest. Sharp, like stone in river. Has a bad case of microdeckia. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/68 "2011-12-22T02:40:23Z")
A couple of French Fries short of a plate of poutine! ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/69 "2011-12-22T03:09:44Z")
Coupla brights short of a full 64. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/70 "2011-12-22T03:11:57Z")
One light out in the ol’ marquee. A snowman short of a Christmas display. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/71 "2011-12-22T03:17:48Z")
About three bricks shy of a load. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/72 "2011-12-22T03:26:55Z")
bright as a 13 watt lightbulb he could fuck up a soup sandwich elevator doesn’t go to the top floor an apple shy of a fruit basket don’t pay him no mind, he’s techted (touched in the head, crazy, developtmentally delayed) ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/73 "2011-12-22T03:36:18Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Swift, like tree in forest. > > Sharp, like stone in river. > > Has a bad case of microdeckia. I had to look up [microdeckia](http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/medical-acronyms.htm). [Mr. Burns] Excellent![/MB] ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/74 "2011-12-22T04:41:59Z")
Has delusions of adequacy. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/75 "2011-12-22T05:46:03Z")
Strong like bull; smart like dumptruck. Couldn’t find his ass with a ten man search party. His IQ matches his shoe size. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/76 "2011-12-22T15:51:38Z")
My dad collects these kinds of sayings. So, keep 'em coming! His current favourite is: All the dogs aren’t hooked up to his sled. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/77 "2011-12-22T16:00:17Z")
Can’t organize a piss up in a brewery. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/78 "2011-12-22T16:09:16Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > I had to look up [microdeckia](http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/medical-acronyms.htm). [Mr. Burns] Excellent![/MB] From that very amusing link: Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/le_ministre_de_l_au-dela/32/12181_2.png) [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Ministre_de_l_au-dela)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/79 "2011-12-22T16:37:12Z")
Can’t always hit the urinal on the first squirt. ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954/80 "2011-12-22T16:57:16Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Sharp as a pound of wet leather. (also Foghorn Leghorn) I always thought it was “Sharp as a pound of wet liver.” “Look, I say looka here. Pay attention when I’m talkin’ to ya’ boy!” > [@slitterst](#): > > Dumber than advertised. > > Doesn’t have the common sense that G-d gave lettuce. Ain’t got the good sense God gave a goose. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > “You’re about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!” > Patches O’Houlihan I’m using this one at work tomorrow! 1+ Dumb as dirt. You could put his brain in a matchbox and shake it around, and it would sound like a bb in a boxcar. Democrat. \ One day a friend of mine did something blatantly backwards, as I was about to point it out to him he said, very snotty like, "I know, I know… What, have I got stupid wrote on my forehead? I leaned toward him while peering intently at his forehead and said, “Yeah, but you spelled it wrong.” 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed/606954.md?page=5)