# Not (very) offensive ethnic jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2018, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370 "2018-02-07T16:25:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/41 "2018-02-08T22:28:24Z")
What’s white and 10 inches long? Nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/42 "2018-02-08T22:48:21Z")
Two ethic types were going ice fishing. If you’re in Wisconsin, imagine them as two Minnesota bachelor farmers Sven and Ole. If you’re Minnesotan, imagine them as two Canadians. If you’re Canadian, imagine them as two French Canadians. Anyway, these two guys go ice fishing. They go out onto the ice with the tent, the ice auger, the fishing rods, and begin to auger a hole in the ice. After just a few seconds of drilling with the auger a big booming voice from above intones: “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE!” They look around and, not seeing anyone but being a bit spooked, move to a new spot and begin augering again. Again, the thunderous voice booms: “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE!” Becoming even more spooked, the men pack up the gear and move 30 feet from where they were and begin making a new hole in the ice. “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE EITHER!” the voice thunders again. One man sheepishly asks, “God, is that you?” The voice responds “NO, IT’S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!” ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/43 "2018-02-08T23:19:58Z")
Four rabbis are arguing an obscure point of theology. Moshe, David and Yitshak are on one side. Solomon on the other. They argue for hours, days, weeks, but no matter how many cogently-argued reasons or scholarly references the first three bring up, Solomon is thoroughly convinced that he is right, and they are wrong. Eventually, the three become exasperated. “Solomon! Why can’t you admit that you’re probably wrong? After all, it’s three against one.” Solomon lifts his eyes to the skies and cries “Lord! Lord! Show these idiots how wrong they are!” The clouds part. Out of the sky a booming voice intones “SOLOMON. IS. RIGHT.” Moshe, David, and Yitshak look at each other. “Well,” says Moshe “now it’s three against two.” ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/44 "2018-02-08T23:57:18Z")
Sven and Olga are in the car, headed to Minneapolis, Sven’s driving. Sven puts his hand on Olga’s knee and starts rubbing. Olga says, “Ya, you can go furder.” So Sven drove to Duluth. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/45 "2018-02-09T01:22:00Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I think there’s also some “ask two jewish people, get three opinions” thing going on there too. Maybe, but there is a mini-genre of “So I lied” jokes and that was how I took it. This is no joke but actually happened to a friend of mine. He bought an espresso maker in Switzerland and read the cleaning instructions. In German it said to clean occasionally; in French to clean every 3 or 4 uses; in Italian to clean every time. This is a propos Colibri’s European joke. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/46 "2018-02-09T04:40:37Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > The classic one about European stereotypes: In a perfect company the engineers are Basque, the accountants Catalan and the salespeople Andalusian. In the place where I work the engineers are Catalan, the salespeople Basque and the accountants Andalusian. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/47 "2018-02-09T04:45:31Z")
This won’t work unless you know any Argentines, but an Argentine is an Italian who speaks Spanish, acts like he’s French, and wished he were British. (Told to me by an Argentine.) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/48 "2018-02-09T04:47:44Z")
The Italian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have wine.” The Mexican says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have tequila.” The Scot says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have Scotch.” The Swede says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have aquavit.” The Japanese says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have sake.” The Russian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have vodka.” The German says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have beer.” The Greek says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have ouzo.” The Jew says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes.” ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/49 "2018-02-09T06:03:25Z")
Q: Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski? A: The first telephone Pole. ---
**Author:** ![saucywench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@saucywench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucywench)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/50 "2018-02-09T06:36:45Z")
What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk. ---
**Author:** ![jerez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c68b51/32.png) [@jerez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jerez)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/51 "2018-02-09T07:16:56Z")
An (Irishman) walks out of a bar… ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/52 "2018-02-09T13:15:29Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > What’s white and 10 inches long? > > Nothing. Been a long time since I heard that one! Thanks for reminding me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/53 "2018-02-09T15:07:27Z")
A Jew, an Italian, and a Greek all die at the same time and arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them they have to renounce their obsessions or they’ll disappear from Heaven. To the Jew, he says “Do not obsess over money.” To the Italian, he says “Do not obsess over food.” To the Greek, he says “Do not obsess over sodomy.” So, the three walk together on one of Heaven’s golden streets, and they notice an Italian restaurant. The Italian wants to go inside, and the other two try to dissuade him, reminding of him of St. Peter’s warning. The Italian insists he only wants to look at what they’re offering, but winds up ordering a huge plate of pasta. As he’s about to take his first bite, he disappears. The Jew and the Greek continue walking. They spot a 10 dollar bill lying on the sidewalk. The Jew starts to reach for it, and the Greek reminds him of St. Peter’s warning. The Jew says he’s just taking a closer look and bends over to pick up the money. Then the Greek disappears. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/54 "2018-02-09T15:19:25Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > This won’t work unless you know any Argentines, but an Argentine is an Italian who speaks Spanish, acts like he’s French, and wished he were British. (Told to me by an Argentine.) I have Argentine cousins. (Back in the day brothers John and Nicholas bought passage from the Old Country to Argentina. John appears to have jumped ship in the U.S. while Nick continued on to Buenos Aires. The descendents of the Lawful side of the family are all tall, handsome, productive people. On my side us me. Don’t try to say there isn’t some sort of family curse thing going on here.) ---
**Author:** ![Surreal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/55 "2018-02-09T17:40:54Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Yeah, that’s the joke. Think of your stereotypical upper-crust Harvard graduate. Just to be clear here only about 20% of the current class of freshman at Harvard identify as Protestant: [http://features.thecrimson.com/2013/frosh-survey/lifestyle.html](http://features.thecrimson.com/2013/frosh-survey/lifestyle.html) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/56 "2018-02-09T19:11:17Z")
> [@Surreal](#): > > Just to be clear here only about 20% of the current class of freshman at Harvard identify as Protestant: > > [The Harvard Crimson | Class of 2017](http://features.thecrimson.com/2013/frosh-survey/lifestyle.html) Yes, I know. That’s why I said “stereotypical”. In fact, nearly all ethnic jokes are about stereotypical behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/57 "2018-02-09T20:25:53Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > Four rabbis are arguing an obscure point of theology. Moshe, David and Yitshak are on one side. Solomon on the other. They argue for hours, days, weeks, but no matter how many cogently-argued reasons or scholarly references the first three bring up, Solomon is thoroughly convinced that he is right, and they are wrong. > > Eventually, the three become exasperated. “Solomon! Why can’t you admit that you’re probably wrong? After all, it’s three against one.” > > Solomon lifts his eyes to the skies and cries “Lord! Lord! Show these idiots how wrong they are!” > > The clouds part. Out of the sky a booming voice intones “SOLOMON. IS. RIGHT.” > > Moshe, David, and Yitshak look at each other. “Well,” says Moshe “now it’s three against two.” The best part is, that one’s nearly straight from the [Talmud](https://www.sefaria.org/Bava_Metzia.59b?lang=bi). ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/58 "2018-02-09T21:23:44Z")
I get offended by any joke that makes fun of anything about another human being they have no control over. I fail to see humor in meanness. I do get a little kick out of mild cultural jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/59 "2018-02-09T22:40:59Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > In a perfect company > the engineers are Basque, > the accountants Catalan > and the salespeople Andalusian. > > In the place where I work > the engineers are Catalan, > the salespeople Basque > and the accountants Andalusian. Alright, I can understand the difference between an ideal salesperson and an ideal engineer. (And even the difference between an ideal engineer vs ideal manager vs ideal salesperson) But I’m not sure what makes the ideal accountant different from the ideal engineer. Why aren’t Catalans good engineers? ---
**Author:** ![Reeses\_Monkey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reeses_monkey/32/2885_2.png) [@Reeses\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeses_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2018, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/60 "2018-02-10T00:10:35Z")
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370.md?page=4)