# Not (very) offensive ethnic jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2018, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370 "2018-02-07T16:25:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2018, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/101 "2018-02-15T16:46:02Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I get offended by any joke that makes fun of anything about another human being they have no control over. I fail to see humor in meanness. I do get a little kick out of mild cultural jokes. > [@kayaker](#): > > ☹ > I don’t get it. I must say I detected a paucity of humor in that anemic attempt… Now, maybe if he’d said “I fail to see humor in meanness. Unless a little Irish girl kicks some Punjabis in the numb nobbies…” ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2018, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/102 "2018-02-15T17:16:30Z")
What’s the longest word in Spanish? _ **¡¡¡¡¡¡¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2018, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/103 "2018-02-15T23:00:47Z")
A Jewish mother is pushing two young children in a stroller. Another lady comes over. “They’re adorable! How old are they?” “The doctor is three, and the lawyer is two.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2018, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/104 "2018-02-16T00:03:08Z")
What did Custer say when he saw the Indians coming? _“Here come the Indians.”_ ---
**Author:** ![MikeF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2018, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/105 "2018-02-17T01:23:45Z")
We were interviewing candidates for the police academy. The one guys name ended in ski. We told him that he’d get a lot of insults from the public and ball breaking from the instructors. He said he heard them all. We asked for an example. - Why did the Germans have such an easy time taking over Poland? They marched in backwards and the Poles though that they were leaving. I like it. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2018, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/106 "2018-02-17T04:28:32Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > What’s the longest word in Spanish? > > _ **¡¡¡¡¡¡¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!** _ You spelled it wrong. In Spanish, it does not have an “A” in it. ---
**Author:** ![yo\_han\_go](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yo_han_go/32/130_2.png) [@yo\_han\_go](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yo_han_go)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2018, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/107 "2018-02-18T23:58:50Z")
Canadian: You know you are from a cold country when your warmest city hosts winter olympics. Russian: Hold my vodka. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2018, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/108 "2018-02-19T01:10:09Z")
Guys, you gotta be careful telling ethnic jokes. One night I was at Denny’s and I told this ethnic joke about how stupid they were, and this guy at the next booth turned around and said, “Fuck you, I’m ethnic! Who the fuck are you?” and he got up and I was trying to calm him down and apologize but he was getting more and more pissed off and then no shit he pulled out a razor. I swear the only reason I’m alive today is that he couldn’t find anywhere to plug it in. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2018, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/109 "2018-02-19T01:15:11Z")
Why do most people take an instant dislike to Americans? It saves time. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2018, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/110 "2018-02-19T03:12:02Z")
How do you make an Ethnic omelet? First, steal two eggs … ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2018, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/111 "2018-02-19T21:56:49Z")
> [@saucywench](#): > > What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? > > One less drunk. LOL, I always told that as “What’s the difference between an Irish Wake and an Irish Funeral” One less drunk (because the dead guy can’t get drunk once he’s buried) ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2018, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/112 "2018-02-19T22:33:19Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > The classic one about European stereotypes: > > In heaven, > > The police are British > The mechanics are German > The chefs are French > The lovers are Italian > And everything is run by the Swiss. > > In hell, > > The police are German > The mechanics are French > The chefs are British > The lovers are Swiss > And everything is run by the Italians. ## I heard that with the \*trains \*run by the Swiss in Heaven and the Italians in Hell. A similar one I heard: Success is: - An American salary - A Chinese cook - An English house - A Japanese wife Failure is: - A Chinese salary - A Japanese house - An English cook - An American wife * * * Another: Success is: - An American acoustic guitar - A Japanese automobile - A French wife Failure is: - A Japanese acoustic guitar - A French automobile - An American wife (I made that one up, after almost experiencing the success part). ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/113 "2018-02-20T01:46:11Z")
> [@F.U.Shakespeare](#): > > I heard that with the \*trains \*run by the Swiss in Heaven and the Italians in Hell. I heard a version in which, in Heaven, the lovers are Italian, and in Hell, the lovers are Italian. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/114 "2018-02-20T19:04:46Z")
A black family goes to the zoo. They find the elephant exhibit, and little Leroy asks his mother “Mama, what’s that long thing hanging from that elephant?” Mama says “That’s his tail, son.” Leroy says “No, mama, that other thing!” Mama says “That’s his trunk, son.” Leroy says “No mama, that other thing, between his legs!” Mama says “Oh, that’s nothing.” So, Leroy asks his dad. “Daddy, what’s that long thing hanging from that elephant?” Daddy says “That’s his tail, son.” Leroy says “No, daddy, that other thing!” Daddy says “That’s his trunk, son.” Leroy says “No daddy, that other thing, between his legs!” Daddy says “That’s his penis, son!” Leroy says “Well, I asked mama, and she said it was nothing!” Daddy says “Son, I done \*spoiled \*that woman!” ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/115 "2018-02-20T20:37:45Z")
Two ethnics were watching the circus parade. As the elephants passed, one of the handlers leading an elephant asked them, “Hey guys, would you like to ride an elephant?” They agreed enthusiastically and climbed up on the elephant’s back. At the end of the parade they jumped off and immediately ran around to the rear of the elephant where they lifted up its tail and gesticulated frantically. The handler says, “What are you doing?” One of them says, “All the time we were riding people kept shouting, ‘Look at the two assholes on the elephant.’ We just wanted to see if it was true!” ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2018, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/116 "2018-02-21T20:32:17Z")
While telling ethnic jokes can be fun, please be careful with any Holocaust jokes. My uncle died at Auschwitz. He fell out of a guard tower. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/117 "2018-02-22T08:47:34Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > An Irishman was flustered about not being able to find a parking space. > > “Lord,” he prayed, “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday.” > > Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. > > Without hesitation, the Irishman said: “Never mind, I found one.” There are many good jokes in the thread but I like this one because it seems to show a general human trait. Now I’ll tell a joke too. I don’t know whether it’s funny or not - I just hope it’s not offensive: A gang of ethnics are hanging out dejectedly in the worst slum in town. The guardian angel of ethnics suddenly shows up and declares: “This is the end of your misery. I’m here to grant each of you one wish - any wish at all.” “I want to be white,” the first ethnic says and he instantly turns white. “Wow,” all the ethnics sigh in awe except a skinny ethnic at the back. One by one each ethnic expresses his wish to become white and they all turn into white people. The skinny guy is the only one left and the guardian angel asks him: “What are you grinning about? Just tell me your wish and let’s get this over with.” “Turn them all ethnic again.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/118 "2018-02-22T11:43:55Z")
Q. How do you get 200 Canadians out of a swimming pool? A. Say “Please get out of the swimming pool.” ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/119 "2018-02-22T19:07:15Z")
Not ethnic per se, but. Having gay parents must be horrible. Either you get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or stuck in an infinite loop of “go ask your mom.” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370/120 "2018-02-22T20:21:57Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > While telling ethnic jokes can be fun, please be careful with any Holocaust jokes. My uncle died at Auschwitz. > > He fell out of a guard tower. This reminds me of my all-time favorite Auschwitz joke-that’s-not-the-joke-you-think from [American Dad](https://youtu.be/Hz7I1cgrjy4?t=1m49s) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-very-offensive-ethnic-jokes/808370.md?page=7)