# Notarize this, you fucking bitch

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [December 11, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744 "2006-12-11T23:16:12Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/21 "2006-12-12T16:18:29Z")

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This has got to be one of the oddest almost-but-not-quite pittings I’ve ever seen. I don’t think it can quite be called a pitting, because there’s no indication on what it’s about, as “they sure can be fucking bitches” is rather too general a comment to go on. As others have stated, bitches about _what?_ People in general can all be “bitches” about various things at various times. The OP may as well have posted “people suck”.

Frankly, by insisting that “that’s all there is to figure out”, I get the idea that the OP is pissed that the NP didn’t bow down, kiss his feet, and go “Domo Arigato Mister Roboto”.

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**Author:** ![Southpaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@Southpaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southpaw)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/22 "2006-12-12T17:26:40Z")

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[QUOTE=teela brown]  
I refused, as I had just taken the test which emphasized over and over not to notarize anything without (a) a good ID, or (b) knowing the signer personally. I had to accompany him back to his office to see his ID before I would notarize.  
[/QUOTE]

You had to take a test? I just had to pay a fee 😃

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**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/23 "2006-12-12T17:33:38Z")

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[QUOTE=Southpaw]  
You had to take a test? I just had to pay a fee 😃  
[/QUOTE]

Same here in Illinois. It really surprised that pretty much anyone with a couple of bucks and a clean criminal record could be a notary.

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**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/24 "2006-12-12T17:45:23Z")

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[QUOTE=Southpaw]  
You had to take a test? I just had to pay a fee 😃  
[/QUOTE]

Yup. Had to study a booklet for a couple of weeks, then go to a designated place and take a test with dozens of other notary wannabes. The boss in question did pay the fee for my becoming a notary. That was about nine years ago, though, at my previous place of employment. This law firm employs many notaries, and another one was not needed, so they declined renewing my notary membership. I haven’t been a notary for several years now.

In the magazine that came with notary membership, horror stories about criminal conviction of notaries who fudged the rules were often published. The worst accounts were of fraudulent real property transfers which were accomplished when notaries were sloppy about insisting on ID or were even complicit in the fraud.

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**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/25 "2006-12-12T18:29:00Z")

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[QUOTE=Freddy the Pig]  
Wow. Who knew that notaries public talked trash and got in each other’s face?

In our next thread, a brawl breaks out at the CPA exam.  
[/QUOTE]  
[What Y’all Heard About Tha CPA Convention Be LIES](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25819)

\<\<Yo, peep this: I know all y’all wanna hear about tha mad bugged-out shit that went down at tha annual Monroe County CPA Convention from July 14-16 at tha Ramada Inn Northeast. Y’all heard about tha violence an’ tha lootin’ an’ tha arrests an’ all that shit, but I’m here to say that most of that shizit you read in tha newzpaypas an’ saw on TV be WACK.

Tha Accountz Reeceevable posse DID NOT start no trouble. We wuz just guardin’ our grill against those Accountz Payabo muthafuckas, straight up.\>\>

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**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/26 "2006-12-12T18:35:15Z")

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**Roboto** , you’re a fuckwit. Your misinformation regarding the obligations of a notary have been sufficiently debunked. I’m guessing, since you refuse to provide any justification, that you were unable to provide adequate ID, or the notary otherwise smelled a rat. Your screwup, not hers. Live and learn.

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**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/27 "2006-12-12T18:44:47Z")

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[QUOTE=gigi]  
[What Y’all Heard About Tha CPA Convention Be LIES](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25819)

\<\<Yo, peep this: I know all y’all wanna hear about tha mad bugged-out shit that went down at tha annual Monroe County CPA Convention from July 14-16 at tha Ramada Inn Northeast. Y’all heard about tha violence an’ tha lootin’ an’ tha arrests an’ all that shit, but I’m here to say that most of that shizit you read in tha newzpaypas an’ saw on TV be WACK.

Tha Accountz Reeceevable posse DID NOT start no trouble. We wuz just guardin’ our grill against those Accountz Payabo muthafuckas, straight up.\>\>  
[/QUOTE]

Well, at least this time when I tell my downstairs neighbors that my falling out of my chair and landing on the floor with a wall-shaking, resounding thud was NOT due to some sexual hijinks, I’ll be telling them the truth. 😉

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**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/28 "2006-12-12T19:36:39Z")

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Search \*\*the onion \*\* archives for Herbert Kornfeld and you’ll be in and out of that chair all day! 😛

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**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/29 "2006-12-12T23:18:53Z")

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The one time I saw a notary public refuse to notarize was when the customer wished her to certify a xerox copy was a copy of the original. The dude didn’t have the original.

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**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/30 "2006-12-13T03:16:38Z")

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Hey, now, it’s possible that **Roboto** mistakenly went to a Notary Sojac instead. I do that all the time.

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**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/31 "2006-12-13T03:36:48Z")

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[QUOTE=Roboto]  
Notary publics are not by law allowed to turn down a notarization . . . but they sure can be fucking bitches when you ask them for one! And since I can’t say it to her face . . . FUCK YOU, YOU MISERABLE BITCH! My notary seal is a mushroom tattoo, and once I get licensed I’ll notarize your face you ignorant slob!  
[/QUOTE]  
What was it that pissed you off?

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**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/32 "2006-12-13T05:11:24Z")

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[QUOTE=Muffin]  
What was it that pissed you off?  
[/QUOTE]

Well, IIRC, a Notary cannot notarize something she know is false.

Perhaps the encounter went as follows:

> [@](#):
>
> Roboto: All you have to do is notarize this declaration as to size of…er…attesting it’s the largest you’ve ever seen.
> 
> Notary: Hahahahahahahaha!

BTW, going back to something said in the OP: can a notary perform the service for themselves? I was under the impression they had to get another notary to do the deed if they needed notary service themselves.

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**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/33 "2006-12-13T11:47:01Z")

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[QUOTE=Monty]  
BTW, going back to something said in the OP: can a notary perform the service for themselves? I was under the impression they had to get another notary to do the deed if they needed notary service themselves.  
[/QUOTE]  
Your impression is correct. Notaries can’t even double as witnesses to a document, with a couple of exceptions.

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/34 "2006-12-13T13:21:47Z")

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He hasn’t come back yet. 😃

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**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/35 "2006-12-13T14:24:29Z")

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[QUOTE=Plynck]  
If there’s one thing that cons hate more than child molesters, it’s a notary public gone bad.  
[/QUOTE]

I was up late one night, cursing drinking too much coffee that day, when I saw an ad for video tapes for sale: “Notary Publics Gone Bad”  
The Horrors…! I went BLIND, I tell ya…!!!\*

\***(That’s right, I’m typing in Braille. How YOU doin’? 😉 )**

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**Author:** ![Roboto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@Roboto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roboto)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/36 "2006-12-13T17:28:22Z")

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[QUOTE=Oakminster]  
**Roboto** , you’re a fuckwit. Your misinformation regarding the obligations of a notary have been sufficiently debunked. I’m guessing, since you refuse to provide any justification, that you were unable to provide adequate ID, or the notary otherwise smelled a rat. Your screwup, not hers. Live and learn.  
[/QUOTE]

Fuck you, Oakminster . . . it was a rant, not a dissertation. Your assumptions as to the situation I was in are based off of feedback from people that weren’t there. The long and the short of it is that this bank upstairs from my company notarizes many things for my boss. My boss has a lot of accounts with this bank, so the employees (who are all “notaries public,” you nitpicky jerkoffs) are instructed to drop everything and notarize documents for my boss, for which they are resentful bitches that I am forced to interact with. So take your self righteous attitude and stick it up your ass, you stupid fuck

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**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/37 "2006-12-13T17:34:34Z")

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[QUOTE=Roboto]  
The long and the short of it is that this bank upstairs from my company notarizes many things for my boss. My boss has a lot of accounts with this bank, so the employees (who are all “notaries public,” you nitpicky jerkoffs) are instructed to drop everything and notarize documents for my boss, for which they are resentful bitches that I am forced to interact with.  
[/QUOTE]

So, am I to understand that you are asking these notaries to notarize the signature of your boss, a person who is not there?

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**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/38 "2006-12-13T17:43:12Z")

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The problem here isn’t the notaries, it’s the fact that your presence means they have to drop everything and start kissing ass, instead of dealing with your document issues in a normal priority fashion.

You can get your notarizations done quickly or nicely, but I doubt you’re going to get them to smile while being forced to do your work instead of what they were doing.

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**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/39 "2006-12-13T18:23:41Z")

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[QUOTE=El\_Kabong]  
Hey, now, it’s possible that **Roboto** mistakenly went to a Notary Sojac instead. I do that all the time.  
[/QUOTE]  
Or maybe a Bananary Public

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notarize-this-you-fucking-bitch/383744/40 "2006-12-13T18:29:11Z")

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[QUOTE=Roboto]  
Fuck you, Oakminster . . . it was a rant, not a dissertation. Your assumptions as to the situation I was in are based off of feedback from people that weren’t there. The long and the short of it is that this bank upstairs from my company notarizes many things for my boss. My boss has a lot of accounts with this bank, so the employees (who are all “notaries public,” you nitpicky jerkoffs) are instructed to drop everything and notarize documents for my boss, for which they are resentful bitches that I am forced to interact with. So take your self righteous attitude and stick it up your ass, you stupid fuck  
[/QUOTE]

_Somebody’s_ been _French Kissing_ the electric socket _agaiiiinn_…and it’s left him all _craaaann-kyyyy_!!  
😃

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