# Notes from a Childfree Couple **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 17, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843 "2003-05-17T05:09:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Faerie\_Nuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/76d3ee/32.png) [@Faerie\_Nuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faerie_Nuff)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/61 "2003-05-20T19:27:35Z")
I’m sick of people trying to convince me that I’ll change my mind about kids some day. I don’t want them. I hope I never will. But there seems to be an answer for everything. If I say I don’t like kids, they say I’ll like my own. (And I like them fine, especially the part where I give them back to their parents.) If I say I’m not good with kids or not the motherly type, they say it’ll come naturally. So I think from now on I’ll just say that I’m too selfish and don’t want to share my future husband with anyone, even kids. And next time a friend with kids is talking to me about all the little details of their angel’s life, including percentile of height, grades in school, potty training, etc, I think I’ll start telling them about how well I’ve been sleeping and where I’m going on vacation next, maybe even how much sex I’ve been having. All the stuff I’d miss if I started breeding. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/62 "2003-05-20T20:37:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*And next time a friend with kids is talking to me about all the little details of their angel’s life, including percentile of height, grades in school, potty training, etc, I think I’ll start telling them about how well I’ve been sleeping and where I’m going on vacation next, maybe even how much sex I’ve been having. All the stuff I’d miss if I started breeding. \*\* I’ve started doing that with a (soon-to-be-former) friend - every damn sentence started pompously with “as a family of 5…” whether the topic had anything to do with family size or not. She wears it like a damn badge of honor that makes her ever-so-superior to the rest of us peons. I started the exact same thing - Mr. Kat and I have 3 dogs. So she’ll start in about gas prices: “as a family of 5, it’s just sooooo expensive…” And I’ll chime in with, “Tell me about it! The 5 of us are…” with a big innocent smile. She’s cut that out because she can’t stand the idea of my dogs being compared with her kids in any way, shape or form. Can’t blame her. Her kids are out-of-control hellions (she’s of the “never let 'em hear the word no” school - seriously, the one and only time we baby-sat, that was the big rule - can’t say the word no, ever) and my 3 Stooges all have their CGC’s. Guess who’s better behaved in public? What’s sending her to “former friend” status is that now that she’s given up the “family of 5” nonsense, it’s always “as a mother.” “Well, as a mother, I like to watch soap operas.” Well, as the dogs’ lady-in-waiting, I like to watch Buffy and Angel. So? I dunno, some of these folks who are so offended that their childfree/less friends don’t seem as interested now ought to take a goodm, honest look at their own behavior. I have maintained friendships with people who have kids, but they’re the ones who are still able to be rational humans, not this Dr. Laura “I’m my kid’s mom and nothing else, bow down and worship my holy status” crap. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/63 "2003-05-20T20:42:11Z")
I like kids. I like to hold them (preferably when they’re not crying or throwing up), play with them, sing to them, talk to them, rock them to sleep, etc. But this does not mean that I _want_ children. For some reason this is hard for people to reconcile. My best friend was in town this past week with her 3-month-old son. I LOVED meeting and hanging out with him (the interesting conversations are a ways off, but if he turns out to be anything like his mama, he will definitely be a talker one day). It was, for the most part, groovy having him around. He’s a good baby, and quite adorable, and I was happy to help out with him when I could. Nonetheless, I am _exhausted_ now (they left yesterday morning). I can’t imagine having to have him around and tend to his needs 24/7. At this point in my life, the idea of having “one of my own” is about as appealing to me as the idea of eating a dog-pee-encrusted sponge. Honestly, though, I don’t know which was more exhausting: the baby himself, or ALL! of the other people who used my enjoyment of him as an opportunity to start bugging ME to have kids! I’m telling you, if I’d had to hear ONE MORE PERSON tell me that: a) it would be HORRIBLE for me not to have children, because I’m “so good with them” b) being “so good with them” must be indicative of heavy denial on my part about how much I secretly really want them, or c) enjoyment of other peoples’ kids will never give me the fulfillment I’d get if I had kids of my own, I would have lost it. Don’t get me wrong–I realize that Comment (A) was usually meant to be a compliment, but really, it sort of came across the way it used to come across when people wondered aloud why the hell I was still single. Sure, they may have MEANT “I think you’re quite smart/attractive/witty/kind,” but what they ended up saying was something that sounded more like, “How did YOU wind up in the ‘REJECT’ pile?” or “You are an aberration. You must be fixed.” Granted, I may be a little overly defensive on these issues, but I am here to tell you that if ONE MORE person had uttered yet another variation of, “But you’re so GOOD with kids–you HAVE to have some of your own!” I was primed and ready to blurt, “Yeah? Well, I’m also a phenomenal fuck–does that mean I should become a prostitute? Every talent does not have to become a career, you know.” 😃 It’s enough to make you want to avoid touching a baby ever again. So to **featherlou’s** list, I’d like to add: Don’t assume that my enjoyment of your children means that I have a secret, unyielding yen for a child of my own. Instead, it might be in your best interest to hope that I stay child-free, so that you’ll have somewhere to send _your_ kids for two weeks in the summer, when you need a break from them. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/64 "2003-05-20T20:47:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by desertrat \* > \*\*When my sister the welfare queen’s 5th or 6th child died because she had him in her water bed and rolled on him, she said “when you have as many children as me, you have to expect one or two to die” > \*\* :eek: I’m speechless. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/65 "2003-05-20T21:07:52Z")
My wife and I use the phrase “Child Friendly” or “Not Child Friendly” when we visit. Its much more appropriate and balanced than the “Cult of the Child” and “Breeders” comments. (in case some of you thought you were actually presenting a balanced point of view). As for me, I’m fine with the fact that I’ve become my parents. I just hope you’re fine with the fact that by hating kids and denying your childhood, you’ve become “The Weird People Down The Street” that we TP’d every Halloween and made fun of year round growing up. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/66 "2003-05-20T21:12:35Z")
As not-a-mother, the one impression I do get is that having your own child is very different to having/looking after someone else’s. And that possibly because of some genetic or familiarity magic (for adopted kids?) there is a massively less irritation factor with your own kids than other people’s. So I could imagine, that even someone who couldn’t stand other people’s kids or children in general as rule, could still have and enjoy their own. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/67 "2003-05-20T21:20:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\*My wife and I use the phrase “Child Friendly” or “Not Child Friendly” when we visit. Its much more appropriate and balanced than the “Cult of the Child” and “Breeders” comments. (in case some of you thought you were actually presenting a balanced point of view). > > As for me, I’m fine with the fact that I’ve become my parents. I just hope you’re fine with the fact that by hating kids and denying your childhood, you’ve become “The Weird People Down The Street” that we TP’d every Halloween and made fun of year round growing up. \*\* Have you _read_ this thread, **quietman1920**? No one here said they _hated_ kids, and just because some of us don’t have them (yet, or ever) doesn’t mean we’re not child friendly. Work on your reading comprehension. :wally ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/68 "2003-05-20T21:23:47Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. You won’t have anyone to tell this to eventually except other childless couples. You’re right again in saying that you are not in the same place as we are. Ahhh. Would you be in fucktard land? You know what? You don’t need children to have friends or people to talk to. Trust me. Your kids sure as hell are going to hope you have more people to talk to than just _them_ when you (and they) get older. Really. ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/69 "2003-05-20T21:34:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\* > As for me, I’m fine with the fact that I’ve become my parents. I just hope you’re fine with the fact that by hating kids and denying your childhood, you’ve become “The Weird People Down The Street” that we TP’d every Halloween and made fun of year round growing up. \*\* And I’m fine with the fact that I’m the “Weird People Down the Street”. I’m certainly not going to have children just so people won’t think I’m weird. And my house has never been TP’d. This is an excellent thread, and I wish more parents would read (and comprehend) it. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/70 "2003-05-20T21:34:50Z")
See, I think it’s actually GOOD when people don’t have kids. (That don’t want them.) Seriously, being a parent is a huge responsibility-not everyone should be squirting out five+ kids! I don’t know if I ever want kids some day, although I’d imagine I do. And I like kids-hell, I was an elementary education major at one point. But not all the time. Oh, and I’ll post it again: www.tcs.ac These people go beyond “never say no.” ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/71 "2003-05-20T21:46:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yeticus Rex \* > \*\* > > 1. The kids may become interesting to you at 10 and 11, but they will probably not be interested with you unless you had already made a bond with them early on. Don’t expect them to turn on a dime and start conversing with you just because you find them interesting at this point. At this pre-adolecent stage, they are just beginning to try to break away from the constant supervision of their parents. They might say hello and goodbye, but they probably have other things that they will find more important to do. > > \*\* And in my experience, this is not true. I have a wonderful time with my 13 year old neice - we go to movies and stuff together, and she loves coming to my house to visit. I did not spend a lot of time with her until she was older, and it hasn’t hurt our relationship at all. In a lot of ways she is a typical teen, but she sure does more with me than say hello and goodbye. I am a way for her to get away from her parents, and she jumps at every chance she can to spend time with me - and I enjoy her much more now that when she was younger. ---
**Author:** ![Aranea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aranea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aranea)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/72 "2003-05-20T22:09:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Faerie Nuff \* > \*\*I’m sick of people trying to convince me that I’ll change my mind about kids some day. I don’t want them. \*\* Give that Faerie a medal! This is my pet peeve. It makes my blood boil, and sends little wisps of steam from my ears. “You’ll change your mind someday.” :mad: :mad: :mad: They say it with a distinct air of smugness. That underlying idea that they know me better than I know myself just infuriates me. And they always pat my arm when they say it. They don’t know how I fantasize about biting that hand. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/73 "2003-05-20T22:53:18Z")
I will not swear…I will not get hostile. There are plenty of places kids can go, where they are welcome, that actually CATER to them. Try McDonalds. They have playgrounds for them! So does Chuck E. Cheese’s! Disneyland! I enjoyed these places like MAD when I was a kid, and I expect kids when I go there now as an adult. But DO NOT…for one buttpicking little second…think that I will not comment on the appropriateness of your screeching little “miracle” to crawl up on the table at Chez Swank and proclaim to the planet that it is his world, and damn us (oh and I love the sound of the high ground on this) “unfriendlies” that just want for ONCE to have a nice quiet dinner alone without witnessing STOOPID in action on the part of the hypnotized parent. Other than that…Whatever.:rolleyes: Damn hostility got away from me again…oh and the swearing. Good thing I don’t want to have kids.😉 ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/74 "2003-05-20T23:54:40Z")
I have one child. I did not mean to have him. However, I love him, and can’t imagine life without him. This does not mean that I want to have more children, and despite my saying flat-out to people that ask, nobody seems to believe that there will be no more. I like my kid. That does not mean that I will like your kid. I certainly don’t like your kid coming to my house or coming to dinner with us and running around the restaurant with nobody curtailing his misbehaviour. I don’t want your kid getting into my stuff, I don’t want to hold her or babysit her or coo or goo over her. I am an adult and will be nice to them because they are your children and you are my friend - but pay attention to them. You’re their mother, not me. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/75 "2003-05-21T04:49:20Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\* "Yeah? Well, I’m also a phenomenal fuck…_\* I just wanted to say: 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 That’s all. Thanks. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/76 "2003-05-21T12:49:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\*Have you _read_ this thread, **quietman1920**? No one here said they _hated_ kids, and just because some of us don’t have them (yet, or ever) doesn’t mean we’re not child friendly. > > Work on your reading comprehension. :wally \*\* MY Reading Comprehension??? Stick your :wally where the sun doesn’t shine & don’t mind the spike lubricant. I read the posts. All of them. From the reasonable ones to the Mysogenistic Kid Bashing ones. I take my kids with me when I go places and I’ll be Damned if I’ll ever apologise for it. If people don’t want kids at their house, there are a 1000 ways to say it in the invitation beforehand and If they do, fine. But If I’m paying every dime as much as you at a nice restaurant and my kids are well behaved (Which They Are) then I Don’t Want To Hear Your Shit. Unless you think my son asking me if he can buy Yu-Gi-Oh cards with his allowance isn’t suitable for your dining experience. But then you can always call the manager (Hint: the manager is going to know My kid is fine…so he’ll know You’re the problem. And at 30%, I tip a Hell of a lot better than you do). PS- \Why don’t you tell us about all the guys hitting on you at Club Hedonism after you hit 40, Lou Anne…\ ---
**Author:** ![Melandry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Melandry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melandry)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/77 "2003-05-21T13:53:31Z")
Umm, misogynistic? We only hate girl kids? I’m _confused_… ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/78 "2003-05-21T13:59:11Z")
> [@](#): > > But If I’m paying every dime as much as you at a nice restaurant and my kids are well behaved (Which They Are) then I Don’t Want To Hear Your Shit quietman, relax- if your kids are well behaved, then no one is talking to you- get a grip and READ. > [@](#): > > And at 30%, I tip a Hell of a lot better than you do Well, that’s it then- issue over. He’s a damned good tipper, so the OP is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/79 "2003-05-21T13:59:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Melandry \* > \*\*Umm, misogynistic? We only hate girl kids? I’m _confused_… \*\* RanDom CapItaLization RUles Tend To Do That to PeoPle. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/80 "2003-05-21T14:15:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\*My wife and I use the phrase “Child Friendly” or “Not Child Friendly” when we visit. Its much more appropriate and balanced than the “Cult of the Child” and “Breeders” comments. (in case some of you thought you were actually presenting a balanced point of view). > > As for me, I’m fine with the fact that I’ve become my parents. I just hope you’re fine with the fact that by hating kids and denying your childhood, you’ve become “The Weird People Down The Street” that we TP’d every Halloween and made fun of year round growing up. \*\* When I said “cult of the child”, I was not intending to present a balanced point of view, because people living the “cult of the child” life are not having a balanced life. These are not people I’m worried about offending; their child probably doesn’t let them have enough mommy/daddy time to actually log any message board time anyway. If you see this thread as hating children and denying our own childhoods, then I guess your mileage is varying. I don’t hate children, and I would say that most of the posters in this thread don’t hate children either. Finally, I’m glad your child is well-behaved in nice restaurants. If everyone’s child was, there wouldn’t be any need to rant about the screaming meemies and roving packs of wild children. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843.md?page=5)