# Notes from a Childfree Couple **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 17, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843 "2003-05-17T05:09:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Melandry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Melandry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melandry)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/81 "2003-05-21T14:24:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SpazCat \* > \*\*RanDom CapItaLization RUles Tend To Do That to PeoPle. \*\* Ok, now I’m more confused. Where’s the random capitalization? Help? ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/82 "2003-05-21T14:27:12Z")
**quietman** You and **Bill H** need to take your pack of kiddies and start a "we’re _so much better than you because WE’VE bred_ commune somewhere. :rolleyes: As far as your cute little over 40 comment? Um, I’m 25 and have repeatedly stated in this thread and the other one that I desperately want children, so why don’t you take _your_ little comment and shove it? You asshole. And the resteraunt thing? Obviously you’ve never read any of the tipping threads or else you’d see the hilarity of that little comment. I never said a damn thing about _well behaved children_, I mentioned screaming children. Are you one of the parents who drag Jr. into _The Ring_, then refused to leave the theatre when he started crying? Okay then, you must not be who I was talking about. Defensive much? Go read my post about the coworker from hell in the “note from a family” thread (i’m _sure_ you’ve been reading it) and tell me if you think my coworker from hell (CWFH) is right in dragging her little rugrat to work functions and meetings. And lastly, has anyone personally offended you by not having children either yet or ever? Because you’re sure as hell acting like it. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/83 "2003-05-21T14:40:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Melandry \* > \*\*Ok, now I’m more confused. Where’s the random capitalization? Help? \*\* > [@](#): > > _from Bill H._ > > I read the posts. All of them. From the reasonable ones to the **Mysogenistic Kid Bashing** ones. I take my kids with me when I go places and I’ll be **Damned** if I’ll ever apologise for it. If people don’t want kids at their house, there are a 1000 ways to say it in the invitation beforehand and If they do, fine. But If I’m paying every dime as much as you at a nice restaurant and my kids are well behaved **(Which They Are)** then I **Don’t Want To Hear Your Shit**. Unless you think my son asking me if he can buy Yu-Gi-Oh cards with his allowance isn’t suitable for your dining experience. But then you can always call the manager (Hint: the manager is going to know **My** kid is fine…so he’ll know **You’re** the problem. And at 30%, I tip a Hell of a lot better than you do). Now that I’ve reread it, I see that the managers_every_ manager of _every_ restaraunt know Bill H.'s kid! Wow! Wish I was that well connected! ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/84 "2003-05-21T14:41:50Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by auntie em_ > **I am here to tell you that if ONE MORE person had uttered yet another variation of, “But you’re so GOOD with kids–you HAVE to have some of your own!” I was primed and ready to blurt, "Yeah? Well, I’m also a phenomenal fuck–does that mean I should become a prostitute? Every talent does not have to become a career, you know."** I am _so_ gonna be using that comeback. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/85 "2003-05-21T14:56:36Z")
**Spaz** , I this you misquoted: (the quote you used was by **quietman** not **Bill H** , that was the other thread) I think we should just meld the two together as they’re becoming more and more similar now. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/86 "2003-05-21T14:57:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\ ***quietman** > > You and **Bill H** need to take your pack of kiddies and start a "we’re _so much better than you because WE’VE bred_ commune somewhere. :rolleyes: > > As far as your cute little over 40 comment? Um, I’m 25 and have repeatedly stated in this thread and the other one that I desperately want children, so why don’t you take _your_ little comment and shove it? You asshole. > > And the resteraunt thing? Obviously you’ve never read any of the tipping threads or else you’d see the hilarity of that little comment. I never said a damn thing about _well behaved children_, I mentioned screaming children. Are you one of the parents who drag Jr. into _The Ring_, then refused to leave the theatre when he started crying? Okay then, you must not be who I was talking about. Defensive much? > > Go read my post about the coworker from hell in the “note from a family” thread (i’m _sure_ you’ve been reading it) and tell me if you think my coworker from hell (CWFH) is right in dragging her little rugrat to work functions and meetings. > > And lastly, has anyone personally offended you by not having children either yet or ever? Because you’re sure as hell acting like it. \*\* Am I tired of Snippy Little Shits pretending they’re better than me because I have kids? Damn Strait. So You’re 25 AND KNOW EVERYTHING. Well, Stop the Fucking World because You’ve spoken. You’re not having kids? Well, My Kids Thank You; that gene pool chlorine feels good. Dumbass!!! Of course you never mentioned well behaved children: through Your Glasses there are none. Fine, your loss, your life. Just make sure you leave me and my kids out of your Bitter little world. Child care, although its None Of Your Business, isn’t as dependable as your snotty little comments. Sometimes when it fails, responsible adults have to take care of their children. Big Fucking Deal (I’m sure someone did that when you were a Rugrat). That’s life: Deal. Or Don’t…your coworkers will have you sized up pretty quick. Lastly, here’s an article out of a recent newspaper. Lets see if you see yourself: GERMANTOWN, Md. – Police in Germantown arrested an 18-year-old woman for allegedly attacking a 5-year-old boy in a McDonald’s restaurant. The incident happened at around 6 p.m. Saturday at the restaurant inside the Wal-Mart on Frederick Road. Police said the boy accidentally spilled ice cream on the shirt of Milika Hayes, 18, of Gaithersburg. Hayes allegedly started cursing at the child and his grandmother and then began chasing him around the restaurant. She put him in a headlock and rubbed hot fries in his eyes. Police said she continued to yell obscenities before walking out of the Wal-Mart. The boy was treated for non life-threatening injuries. Hayes was later picked up by police and charged with first-degree assault and disorderly conduct. She was being held Sunday in the Montgomery County Jail. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/87 "2003-05-21T15:02:53Z")
What the fuck **quietman** Seriously, I’m concerned for your kids because you’re sounding like an unreasonable psychopath here. For the _umpteenth time_ **I NEVER SAID I DIDN’T WANT KIDS. I SPECIFICALLY SAID I DESPERATELY WANT THEM** so why do you insist on telling me that I don’t? And you AGREE with my CWFH? Well then, that’s all I need to know about you. :rolleyes: (By the way, she was eventually fired for her actions and the _entire_ staff was cheering, even the ones _with kids_) And what the fuck does your news article have to do with anything? Seriously, your posts are getting more incoherent and illogical as this thread goes on. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/88 "2003-05-21T15:04:15Z")
**quietman** -red herring much? That has fuck all to do with this thread. Jesus. And yes, there ARE well behaved kids. And there are little brats. I’ve seen both varieties. If your kids are the former, you have no reason to be upset when people bitch about the brats. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/89 "2003-05-21T15:04:26Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by lezler_ > **Um, I’m 25 and have repeatedly stated in this thread and the other one that I desperately want children** > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\* You’re not having kids? Well, My Kids Thank You; that gene pool chlorine feels good. Dumbass!!!_\* I second that reading comprehension thing. ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/90 "2003-05-21T15:05:44Z")
I think some people are just born without the desire to have children, just like some people are “born” gay, atheist, or with a preference to redheads rather than blondes. I have never felt the desire or need to become a parent. The only people who tell me I will change my mind etc. are my older brother (who has 3 and wants us to give them cousins) and my best friend from high school. My brother, I think, finally realizes its hopeless because he does not mention it anymore. With my friend I say NO and change topics. He just laughs it off and moves on. Some people just should not have kids or have them for the wrong reasons. Having a kid because it is expected by society, family and friends is wrong. But if you do please be a parent and not a friend to them. Not long ago I went out to a restaurant, and a spoiled brat around 9 was all upset and crying LOUDLY because his video game was not working. The group he was with did nothing for a while. Eventually one of the people got the game working and the kid quieted down but spent the rest of the time playing that game. The whole scene I found to be innappropriate. First of all can’t a kid go 5 minutes now a days without being “entertained”. Next, if a child is being loud and annoying others, take him outside until he calms down or leave. If the restaurant is Chuck E Cheese or it is a Disney flick, I will not complain and even expect loud kids. If I am on a date and it is a fancy restaurant or an adult (no, not porn) movie it is unacceptable. One couple I know has children and will often tell them no. They demand respect from this kids and if a behavior is unacceptable the kids are dealt with. This rarely needs to be done. These kids are a joy to be around. If I ever do have kids I would want to be like these parents. On the other hand my brother does not correct bad behavior in his kids. And on the rare times they do, the kid usually ignores them and keeps on doing what they were doing. The parents are usually the ones that give in. One time when my nephew was about five, they were in a toy store. My nephew spots a toy he wanted, latched on and demanded my parents get it. When they said no he threw a huge fit and they caved and bought it. It is sad to say but I do not like being around them long. I intentionally cut my visits to my parents short so I do not have to spend much time there. I have tried to mention about the kids behavior a few times, talking about bad kids I come across at work, going out etc. but actually mean them. My brother usually agrees with me about it, without realizing I am talking about them. One time I tried to be more direct, and he gets offended saying, “let me raise my kid.” Of course he does not understand why the rest of us do not worship his kids or why they are not our top priority as well. I do love them, but honestly I do not like to be around them for too long. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/91 "2003-05-21T15:09:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\*And what the fuck does your news article have to do with anything? \*\* Don’t you see? Each and every one of us who has ever complained about an ill-behaved child in a public place is responsable for Little Timmy getting hot fries rubbed in his eyes by some random psycho! I know I’m ashamed. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/92 "2003-05-21T15:13:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\ ***Spaz** , I this you misquoted: (the quote you used was by **quietman** not **Bill H** , that was the other thread) I think we should just meld the two together as they’re becoming more and more similar now. \*\* Well damnation. My brain hiccuped. Yes. A merge is definitely in order. (In Bill H.'s defense, he doesn’t seem to be the psycho that quietman is.) ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/93 "2003-05-21T15:14:30Z")
To all of you who think all parents, or even most, are idiots, assholes, selfish, or thoughtless. Who think that all parents are rude and inconsiderate where their children are concerned. Who think that all parents buy into the Cult of the Child; And to all of you parents who think that people without kids are deluded, arrogant, or selfish. Who think that everyone without kids is out to get you. Who think that everyone without kids hates kids: Grow. The. Fuck. Up. Great fucking Christ in a minivan, this thread is like a fucking ball pit filled with five year olds. “You’re all this, you’re all that.” “You’re too old, you’re too young.” “You just don’t get it.” “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Ya know what? Some parents suck. Some non-parents suck. Ya know why? Some _people_ suck. Duh. Hello, McFly. Look, I’m sorry to all you CF folks who’ve been bugged by friends, family, and total strangers about having kids. Some of them simply mean well, and some of them are unredeemable assholes. Sorry anyway. And I’m sorry to all of you CF folks who’ve had to put up with obnoxious kids and obnoxious parents. It sucks. It’s life. Sometimes they’re assholes. Sometimes they’re doing their best. Shit happens. Sorry. And I’m sorry to all of you parents who feel attacked by those without kids. Sometimes you just have a big chip on your shoulders, sometimes they’re assholes. Sorry. There, can we all play like the adults we claim to be now? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/94 "2003-05-21T15:22:43Z")
**andros** , I’d say the majority here has not said that ALL parents are like this, or that ALL non-parents are like that. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/95 "2003-05-21T15:24:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Amanita \* > \*\*I am _so_ gonna be using that comeback. 😃 \*\* Let me know how it works out for you–ultimately I didn’t have the balls. Maybe next time I’ll have a couple more Margaritas and see if that helps . . . I know it’s not the attitude of every parent in this thread, but it seems that when you’re childfree (by choice), you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t: If you _like_ kids and don’t want them, you’re in denial. If you _don’t_ like kids and don’t want them, you have psychological problems. Either way, you get guff. Not from everybody, of course (the friend mentioned in my earlier post was actually quite awesome; she was the only one who actually managed to make the “you’re great with kids” comment into a proper compliment), but from enough people that you want to scream. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/96 "2003-05-21T15:29:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\ ***andros** , I’d say the majority here has not said that ALL parents are like this, or that ALL non-parents are like that. \*\* Yes, that’s right. That’s why I addressed my post to those who have. But the ranting stands for everyone who has even thougt it. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/97 "2003-05-21T15:31:15Z")
> [@](#): > > There, can we all play like the adults we claim to be now? \*\* Not until you put the head back on my GI Joe! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/98 "2003-05-21T15:39:57Z")
Seriously quietman- take a deep breath, actually READ the posts before responding, and get back to us. Your off the wall ranting does much more harm to your cause then good. I hope you’re more rational and calm when dealing with your kids, I really do. ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/99 "2003-05-21T16:00:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aranea \* > \*\*Give that Faerie a medal! > > This is my pet peeve. It makes my blood boil, and sends little wisps of steam from my ears. > > “You’ll change your mind someday.” :mad: :mad: :mad: > > They say it with a distinct air of smugness. That underlying idea that they know me better than I know myself just infuriates me. And they always pat my arm when they say it. They don’t know how I fantasize about biting that hand. \*\* coudn’t agree more. I’ve never wanted to have kids (I’m 27 now), and as soon as I bring that up in a conversation, people _do_ say that: Oh, but you’ll change your mind. Wait until your clock starts ticking… Patronizing and very condescending. As ifd i don’t know my own mind and body. As if i hadn’t thought about it all, and weighed up the cons against the pros (not that many pros, if you ask me, but that’s just my opinion), as if every woman is destined to be a breeding machine. ugh. It makes me sick, sometimes. When I say “no”, i mean “no”. No kids = NO kids. I like em enough, i spose, I have two nieces and they’re cute. But wouldn’t want to have one of my own. Don’t fancy being pregnant and having my whole body change on me, going through a complete hormonal overhaul, putting on weight and having your skin tear (stretchmarks). Pushing something the size of a football out of your body, tearing again, or getting a snip, being in agonizing pain for Pete knows how long. And that’s only the beginning! No more lie ins No more free time No more money No more go and do as you please… And you’d be surprised how few people can actually give you a good reason for having a child. Just sayin’ Nothing against people who have kids, but they shouldn’t act as if their choice is the only sane one. anyways This the Pit, so I could rant for a bit, couldn’t i? cheers ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843/100 "2003-05-21T16:13:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aranea \* > \*\*This is my pet peeve. It makes my blood boil, and sends little wisps of steam from my ears. > > “You’ll change your mind someday.” :mad: :mad: :mad: > > They say it with a distinct air of smugness. That underlying idea that they know me better than I know myself just infuriates me. And they always pat my arm when they say it. They don’t know how I fantasize about biting that hand. \*\* What’s even better is a phrase I hear from some “enlightened alternative women” whenever someone gets pregnant: “Now your body is fullfilling its ultimate purpose.” O. Kay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-childfree-couple/175843.md?page=6)