# Notes from a family **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 18, 2003, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043 "2003-05-18T11:23:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/81 "2003-05-21T13:52:03Z")
I’m taking it you’re three times as insulted as you’d normally be? Ow! Stop throwing things! ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/82 "2003-05-21T14:29:11Z")
It’s my stutter. Or the board. Sorry for the triple post. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/83 "2003-05-21T14:59:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrazyCatLady \* > \*\*So, **BillH** , are you stupid, lazy, or deliberately being an asshat to push people’s buttons? \*\* Yes. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/84 "2003-05-21T19:50:23Z")
That was more multiple choice than yes/no. His posts make it abundantly clear that he’s doing one of the above. ---
**Author:** ![carimwc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac8455/32.png) [@carimwc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carimwc)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/85 "2003-05-21T19:56:31Z")
Last I checked, my parents were still a couple. Having children does not negate that definition as **BillH** seems to believe. A couple is a family. A couple with children is also a family, just one that’s bigger than the other. Having children doesn’t suddenly change a couple from being a couple. That family simply just grew. Keeping that couple aspect separate from the children is rather important in keeping a family together, IMO. I used to baby-sit for a family that went out every other Saturday night just to keep that couple aspect alive. Often, they went out with child-free couples and somehow they still managed to have a great time. Strange huh? Why do some people feel that just because they have kids they have to give up every single aspect of their pre-kid life? Yes, priorities change and some things must be sacrificed, but it doesn’t have to be a total 180. You’re still the same person right? Don’t let the kids become the center of your world. There is a life outside of them. Some parents just seem to forget that. I still haven’t decided if I want kids. My BF and I are of the mind if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Don’t judge us for our decision and we won’t judge you for yours. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/86 "2003-05-21T21:22:09Z")
_blinkblink_ Ooo-kay, Bill. So what precisely in my post did you take to imply that my childhood was horrific? The fact that I was not spoilt? That I was chastened once for a tantrum and never threw one again? Are you suggesting that my very loving and involved parents whipped me with an iron cord, perchance? Or that I would consider that in the same universe as appropriate treatment for a child? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/87 "2003-05-22T00:37:29Z")
My aunt and uncle have three daughters, aged 12, 10, and 6. They’re going to Italy for a week next month. And they’re leaving the kids behind. My mom is babysitting them. She loves the little buggers. She’s accepted that she’s never getting any grandkids outta me, so she’s transfered her grandmotherly instincts to them. The three kids are really excited, and can’t wait for their parents to shove off so they can play with their “cool” aunt (Oh, if only they knew ;)) for a whole week. I mention this to A) highlight that parenthood does not mean an end to couplehood. B) Kids don’t need to be included in everything. and C) point out that my aunt, uncle, and three cousins are part of my family, despite the fact that I have no children, wife, or even girlfriend. That’s right, I’m a _single guy with a family_. Imagine that. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/88 "2003-05-22T00:51:01Z")
Sorry Catsix, but you have some fucking _issues_ if you insist that your friends have to make sure you _never_ see their children. Don’t get me wrong, I dislike the little shit machines myself (I have 3 siblings under the age of 4 which have convinced me of that) but I get the impression that you have a pathological fear that you’ll get attacked by a roving gang of vicious babies. That’s not healthy. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/89 "2003-05-22T01:16:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rilchiam \* > \*\*So it was okay for you to hang around adults when you were a kid, but you can’t exhibit the same tolerance now that you’re an adult? \*\* well, the adults I talked to when I was a child were my teachers. I’m thinking they must have enjoyed children on some level, or they wouldn’t have chosen that profession. I have not put myself in a similiar situation. If I ever _do_ put myself in a similiar situation where I _know_ children will probably want to tlak to me or spend itme with me (as a teacher, tutor, mentor, parent, favorite aunt) then it’s not a problem. I’ve tutored children before, and because I knew what was expected of me and they knew what expected, it worked out beautifully and I enjoyed myself—but then, that was only 2 hours a week. _Until_ I put myself in such a position, I really just want to be left alone. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/90 "2003-05-22T02:32:52Z")
> [@](#): > > **Blalron** said: > Sorry Catsix, but you have some fucking issues if you insist that your friends have to make sure you never see their children. My friends know that I don’t like children and that it grates on my nerves to be around them. I’ve never asked them to keep their kids away from me at all times, they’ve just never brought them anywhere when we’ve gone out, and I haven’t been to their house when the kids are there or awake. Kids don’t belong at the pool hall where the grown ups are drinking, smoking, swearing and paying attention to their sticks, or in an R-rated movie at 11 pm. Since we rarely go to anyone’s house (mine or theirs) to hang out, it’s not that I ‘insisted’ they keep their kids away from me, it’s that it naturally worked out that I haven’t seen their kids. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043/91 "2003-05-22T06:09:48Z")
> [@](#): > > _BillH drivelled_ > At core, the trait I’m unhappy about is how some (but far from all) childfree people treat children as non-humans. Like a dog for example, where when two people and a dog are together, the two people decide the topic, and dog sits. Or perhaps the dog whines to be played with, and the people either tell the dog to shut up or send him off to play by himself while they talk. That’s not to say the child should dictate the conversation or the activity or anything else, but the child is not an annoying disturbance to the process; the child is a participant. For one thing, I don’t know any dogs that are told to shut up and go away when two people are talking. They often get told that it’s not playtime right now and get petted or scratched instead, though. Maybe we just know vastly different types of dog owners. For another thing, children are _not_ participants in adult conversation. That’s kind of the defining characteristic of adult conversation. General conversation that includes everyone in the room is one thing, but a one-on-one conversation is something else entirely. Just butting in for no apparent reason is damn rude. My husband isn’t automatically a participant in the process when I talk to my friends, so why would a kid be any different? Butting in on a conversation that doesn’t include for no apparent reason is **rude** , regardless of your age. Rude kids who never get called on their rudeness grow into rude adults. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/notes-from-a-family/176043.md?page=4)