# Novel units of measure. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 28, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170 "2001-10-28T22:31:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/1 "2001-10-28T22:31:48Z")
OK, I’m proposing that the **Erm** be adopted as the standard unit of doubt or uncertainty; anything rating as high as ten Erms on the **Mangetout** scale can be considered catastrophically unbelievable, whereas seven or eight erms would only be dangerously suspicious. I’m looking for suggestions for the names of standard units of stupidity, clumsiness, piety and any other things you may care to think of… Please give generously. ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/2 "2001-10-28T22:34:59Z")
Certainly the **thumb** should be the international standard for a film’s entertainment value. ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/3 "2001-10-28T22:42:52Z")
A **Norm** is the unit of difficulty of a woodworking or other home improvement project. ```auto 0.1 Norm Changing a lightbulb 1 Norm Assembling an Ikea cabinet 10 Norm Putting a rec room in an unfinished basement 100 Norm Building your own house 1000 Norm Re-creating St Paul's Cathedral in your backyard. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Quentin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Sam\_Quentin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Quentin)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/4 "2001-10-28T23:00:41Z")
**Whoops** is the unit of failure in iceskating. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/5 "2001-10-28T23:27:14Z")
my current novel is 7" x 4.5" x .5" why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/6 "2001-10-28T23:36:00Z")
The **ecch** is the SI unit of measure for disgust. 0.1 ecchs might be a snotty tissue on the floor instead of in the wastebasket. 1 ecch could be registered by a sink full of your roommate’s dirty dishes that haven’t been so much as rinsed in a week and a half. 10 ecchs is what those dishes would score when the mold count gets high and at least one species of fly has begun to colonize the pile. 100 ecchs is an entire house that looks like this. 1000 ecchs is–eeeew. I don’t even want to discuss it. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/7 "2001-10-28T23:39:15Z")
The **six pack** has long been the unofficial unit of distance on Australian roads. Of course where I work, we have a very religious truck driver who measures his routes’ distances in **Hail Marys**. The **tsk** for measuring annoyance at other people’s noisy children. One tsk is aproximately the level of annoyance achieved by a crying toddler on a train. A whimpering small baby might only be about 400 **centitsks** , whereas a group of older kids running loose in a restaurant would perhaps measure 5 or 6 tsks. **Kilotsks** and **Megatsks** are usually reserved for childhood beauty pageants. And of course the **D’oh** for stupidity. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2001, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/8 "2001-10-28T23:41:45Z")
I’m not sure this qualifies, but the last year I’ve been thinking about a new ruler for time and space based on these criteria: - Lowest number is 1, which equates to the smallest possible unit of time (or space) - Highest number is 100 (or 1,000 or 1,000,000 or other; I haven’t decided), which equates to the largest possible time (or space) - Scale is logarithmic. I know all four of the mins and maxes (planc time, space, max universe size at largest expansion, universe lifetime), and it should be a simple to convert from standard units. Probably a silly exercise, but I figure you could more easily compare things of relative size (and time). ---
**Author:** ![geepee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ebca7d/32.png) [@geepee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/geepee)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/9 "2001-10-29T00:12:29Z")
a few (real \<1900) Kings yard length of his shoulder to finger marriage longevity - drink count : ie if its a sex based marriage or one is using the other we base it on drinks , shot of vodka - love @ first sight married in 2 weeks Pint o guinness - long marriage index finger and thumb it was this big (the girls talking about girth) / how much it hurt heads , to measure height ie he was so many heads taller shorter than you ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/10 "2001-10-29T00:26:45Z")
The **grrr** is the measure of the incompetence of the officials in a sporting contest. For example: 1 grrr would indicate 1 or 2 minor errors favouring the opposition 5 grrrs would indicate many bad calls favouring the opposition. Some officials sight impaired or idiots. 10 grrrs, the maximum, indicate “we were robbed blind, surely those bastards are on the take!” e.g Munich Olympics basketball gold medal match. The **ho** is the measure of fun to be had. 1 ho, good times. 2 hos, twice as good times. 3 hos, merry christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Raving\_Nude\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cab0a1/32.png) [@Raving\_Nude\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raving_Nude_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/11 "2001-10-29T04:02:22Z")
The “Rudy”. A measure of how far apart the bars on security grates for windows need to be placed. Invented by George when we were discusing his order of burgler bars for his house. I asked him how far apart he wanted the bars welded onto the frames. He said “let me show you the size guy I want to keep out” and grabbed a coworker named Rudy. He put Rudy in a headlock and said “measure this one”. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/12 "2001-10-29T12:07:07Z")
I thought the standard unit of measure for novels was the page. (Ha! **Ender** , mine was funnier.) Plus a [link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=76993)! -Rue. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/13 "2001-10-29T12:57:11Z")
I like the **milliHelen** as a measure of Beauty. A milliHelen is a unit of beauty sufficient to launch one ship. Obviously invented by a technonerd familiar with the classics, or one forced to take a classics course to fulfill his distribution requirements. I wish I’d thought of it, (No nasty comments. I’m a technonerd familiar with the classics. Proof will be given upon request.) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/14 "2001-10-29T14:14:29Z")
A **buttload** should be an overabundance of almost any physical object, somewhat akin to a **plethora** or even, dare I say, a **passel.** ---
**Author:** ![geepee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ebca7d/32.png) [@geepee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/geepee)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/15 "2001-10-29T14:40:20Z")
fingers and toes from the last boy scout I’d cut x number of fingers off it god would let me fuck her ---
**Author:** ![Xerxes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/d2c977/32.png) [@Xerxes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xerxes)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/16 "2001-10-29T15:06:57Z")
Not so much a scale, but the **Tyler number** describes the ratio of posts in a thread containing the word _foreskin_. Most threads have a Tyler number of zero. Interestingly, this thread’s Tyler number is now non-zero, although I don’t expect it to get very high. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Zagna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@El\_Zagna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Zagna)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/17 "2001-10-29T15:15:21Z")
Foreskin??!?!!?! ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/18 "2001-10-29T15:17:08Z")
Um…I’m not quite sure what you’re getting at there, geepee. You sure you’re posting to the right thread? To the right forum? Or to the right message board, for that matter? The **duh** is a unit of obviousness. As the number of duhs rises for any statement, esp. a long statement, the total obviousness of the statement + other background information given (i.e., the homeostatic obviousity of the surroundings, or Oh) can become dangerous. If an intelligent human being is exposed to an Oh of 1kduh, many of his or her brain cells commit hari-kari apoptosis in protest or from frustration. Idiots (defined as in-duh-viduals with a high D’oh quotient, where the measurement of stupidity can be put into factorial form [“D’oh!”]) are often immune to brain damage from highly obvious statements. This may explain the enduring presence of morons in the gene pool; idiocy may carry with it a selective advantage in some circumstances, i.e., in high-Oh (or even “Oh!”) environments. ---
**Author:** ![Xerxes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/d2c977/32.png) [@Xerxes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xerxes)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/19 "2001-10-29T15:33:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Foreskin??!?!!?! [sub]Psst. bnorton - go look for posts from the infamous and now banned Jack Dean Tyler.[/sub] Just look at that Tyler number. We’re probably in the top 2% of all threads. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170/20 "2001-10-29T18:46:20Z")
The OOOH. a time dialation factor regarding the tendancy of time to fly when having fun. The UGHH. (An anti-oooh) Time dialation factor to stretch out time when you’re bored. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/novel-units-of-measure/90170.md?page=2)