# Now you do one....no one will blame you **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 19, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614 "2001-03-19T19:19:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/21 "2001-03-21T13:08:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thedoorsrule1045 \* > \*\*Roses are red. > Violets are blue. > That’s what they tell me > Because I’m blind. \*\* ROTFLMAO! I did not see that one coming. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re about average. You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think–Dorothy Parker ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/22 "2001-03-21T13:10:02Z")
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. Groucho Marx ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/23 "2001-03-21T13:29:55Z")
As Ted Kennedy used to say, “We’ll drive off that bridge when we get to it.” ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/24 "2001-03-21T13:38:10Z")
Seize the bull by the horns of a dilema. Stuck between a rock and a hard place in the sun. A rolling stone rolls and rolls and eventually… just stops rolling. You can lead a horse to water, and you can force water down it’s throat with a tube. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Heloise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e36b37/32.png) [@Heloise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heloise)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/25 "2001-03-21T14:40:29Z")
My Mom needed a poem for church on Valentine’s day for a “couple” thing, so I gave her: Roses are Red Orchids are Black I love you best When you’re on your back She didn’t use it. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/26 "2001-03-21T15:22:30Z")
A few of my favorites: “Speak softly; drive a Sherman tank. Laugh hard - it’s a long way to the bank.” – They Might Be Giants “If you meet the Buddha on the net, put him in your kill file.” – Robert Firth “Perhaps I am flogging a straw herring in mid-stream, but in the light of what is known about the ubiquity of security vulnerabilities, it seems vastly too dangerous for university folks to run with their heads in the sand.” – Peter G. Neumann, RISKS moderator, about the Internet virus ---
**Author:** ![Darwinself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Darwinself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwinself)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/27 "2001-03-21T17:25:34Z")
When I was a very young teen , I confided in my best friend that Jim Morrison made thrills run up and down my spine. She, in turn, liked my apartment because it had sensual air conditioning and she was fascinated by the Muslin religion. Now, as my husband constantly tells me…this conversation is going off on a tangerine. anonymouse ---
**Author:** ![Winnowill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Winnowill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnowill)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/28 "2001-03-21T18:55:01Z")
Winners never quit, and quitters never win. But those who never win and never quit are idiots. - [despair.com](http://despair.com) ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/29 "2001-03-21T19:03:09Z")
“The fact that monkeys have hands should give us pause.” “All work and no play makes Maude a dull name.” From New York Magazine competition circa 1972 ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/30 "2001-03-21T19:25:01Z")
I could be here but I’m not, cause if I was here I wouldn’t be where I am and then I’d be lost. Reality continues to ruin my life. -Calvin Reality is the leading cause of stress. Reality is for the unimaginative. I am only smiling because you have all finally driven me insane. ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/31 "2001-03-21T19:45:29Z")
Don’t bake any wooden pickles. A bitch in time saves whine. A bird in the hand that feeds it is worth two in the bush that bite. Alternately: A bird in the hand is worth killing two birds in the bush with one stone. You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can’t make it drink even if you put the cart before it. A fool and his money is the root of all kinds of evil. ---
**Author:** ![Darwinself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Darwinself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwinself)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/32 "2001-03-21T19:52:12Z")
The fact that we have hands should give monkeys pause. anonymouse ---
**Author:** ![Cumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@Cumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumber)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/33 "2001-03-22T06:30:51Z")
Got sent these in an email a while ago. “Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.” “Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film” “Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.” “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism-to steal from many is research.” “The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.” “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.” “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” “Half the people you know are below average.” ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/34 "2001-03-22T06:52:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Obsidian Flutterby \* > \*\*Reality continues to ruin my life. -Calvin > > Reality is the leading cause of stress. > > Reality is for the unimaginative.\*\* You forgot one; Reality is for people who can’t handle drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/35 "2001-03-22T07:02:14Z")
Use a pun, go to jail. [sub] sorry, very old commercial in california, kinda obscure…sorry[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Heath\_Doolin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Heath\_Doolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heath_Doolin)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/36 "2001-03-22T07:16:07Z")
Three women walk into a bar…and you would have thought the other two would have ducked when the first one hit Opportunity knocks, but temptation kicks the door down Dolphins: Don’t trust a species that’s always smiling, its up to something Someday we’ll look back at all this and plow into a parked car. Don’t sweat petty things…or pet sweaty things Eagles may soar, but weasels aren’t sucked into jet engines I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy Be alert, the world needs more lerts. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/37 "2001-03-22T07:43:09Z")
_Some old, lame ones…_ Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do. 'Tis easier to get forgiveness than permission. “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.” ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/38 "2001-03-22T07:55:46Z")
Great poem for drunks… Sparkle, sparkle little twink. Where the hell you are I think. And, of course… I’m not half as much under the affluence of incohol as you thinkle peep I am. I’ve only had tee martunis. Used them myself on several occasions. The cops found them VERY amusing, let me tell you 😃 . ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/39 "2001-03-22T08:17:47Z")
if at first you don’t succeed, fail fail again ---
**Author:** ![Evnglion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f04885/32.png) [@Evnglion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evnglion)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614/40 "2001-03-22T08:31:26Z")
Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and if you do, I want every detail 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-you-do-one-no-one-will-blame-you/58614.md?page=3)