# Nude sleepers: what's your emergency plan? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 19, 2018, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152 "2018-02-19T23:10:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/21 "2018-02-20T01:17:48Z")
You know, I don’t have a plan. Maybe I should get some clothes out, and I do have a good robe. But I’d rather save my pets, and if that meant showing off this lumpy body of mine I’d do it. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/22 "2018-02-20T01:34:34Z")
I’d never thought of it until a few weeks ago when I wasn’t feeling very well, and realized that now I’m a city council member, and all the police and fire know me, and I got very self conscious about the idea of them having to come save me while I’m naked in bed (most likely from a diabetes situation). I decided that they’re all professionals and we’ll all be fine. But still…eew. If there’s a fire or whatever, I’ve got a robe on the back of my bedroom door. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/23 "2018-02-20T02:13:32Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Fuck it, let the neighbors watch. > > Besides, if there was a fire I’d like to think I could spend the 0.5 seconds to pick up my clothes and carry them outside to get dressed. – just jump into your pants at the end of the bed, hook your suspenders over you shoulders, and slide down the pole. Grab your coat and hat as you go past (and if you miss the truck, you don’t get paid). ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/24 "2018-02-20T03:29:57Z")
My plan for intruders is helicopter dick. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/25 "2018-02-20T03:33:37Z")
I’ve got my pants over a chair between me and the door. There might be a sweatshirt too. Unfortunaly, its suppoed to be 9 degrees tonight and I’d have to run ulstairs to get shoes or my parka though i do have a fleece jacket grabbable on the way out. More than likely I’ll freeze to death if I excape the fire. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/26 "2018-02-20T03:58:10Z")
I’ve got a robe on a nearby hook. I’m also relatively OK with being naked in public if the situation makes it unavoidable. I was once horribly bodyshy and would have had a hard time choosing between burning to death or being seen naked, but that was a long time ago. I’ve been in clothing-optional environments and although I’m no naturist I don’t lose a lot of sleep worrying about being startled out of my bed with no clothes on. ---
**Author:** ![mistymage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mistymage/32/459_2.png) [@mistymage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mistymage)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/27 "2018-02-20T04:11:19Z")
Unless it’s zombies breaking in through our bedroom window (used to be the living room but we added a wall so it’s a big picture window at outside porch step into the bedroom height). I will have time to grab my eyeglasses, throw on some clothes and evacuate all pets in our bedroom. If I had to run out naked I have 2 sisters living in a 5 block radius who would dress me. My concern is that the parrot is in the kitchen in his cage. The opposite side of the house from the bedrooms. We have an outside door just outside our bedroom doors. He’s like our firstborn… or my step-son since Mistermage bought the 'Too with his first wife but as we just hit 25 years married and he was only married to her for 3 years, yeah, my kid. And any cats who decided to sleep in the living room vs in a boy’s room. The dogs follow me. Tornado alerts just about kill me since cats don’t herd, dogs follow me back up the stairs and you have to be calm to get the Cockatoo to “step-up” onto your arm to carry him down to the basement. Then the guys all want to step outside to check the skyline even though we are in a valley surrounded by trees and can see nothing. Radar, fools! ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/28 "2018-02-20T04:12:57Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > So you’re the one planning for unfortunate contingencies, while your husband rides his lucky streak? Luck favors the well-prepared. My slippers are positioned right under my robe. I plan to don my robe while simultaneously jumping into my slippers. The pavement is cold at night. I expected someone to argue that, during an earthquake, you shouldn’t run outside but wedge yourself inside a doorframe. Screw that - if the big one hits, I’m getting out of this house of sticks. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/29 "2018-02-20T05:15:41Z")
I always lay out the clothes I want for the next day before I turn in and I keep a robe near the foot of the bed. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/30 "2018-02-20T05:58:05Z")
I guess I’d be nude in the back yard. There are worse things. ---
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/31 "2018-02-20T06:52:25Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > I have no plan in case of emergency. I like to think that should an emergency occur I’m more concerned about getting my family and myself to safety. My ego after the fact can survive if they survive. > > Funny story, was asleep one night with my then fiancé (now wife). In the middle of the night our alarm system went off while I was in a deep sleep. I immediately bolted out of bed and ran full speed out of the room and down the stairs. About half-way down I realized that should I confront a burglar my only weapon of defense was being buck naked and having LittleJoe flapping in the wind between my legs. If that doesn’t scare someone to near Death, I don’t know what a shotgun would accomplish. Hey, it worked for the Vikings. What’s scarier, some dink that might have the balls to use a shotgun, or… Big naked guy running at you, dick swinging in the breeze, screaming “BATTLE!!!” ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/32 "2018-02-20T07:54:43Z")
> [@BobBitchin](#): > > Hey, it worked for the Vikings. Just not so well against the Eagles. Oh ------ you meant _those_ Vikings. 😃 > [@BobBitchin](#): > > . > What’s scarier, some dink that might have the balls to use a shotgun, or… > Big naked guy running at you, dick swinging in the breeze, screaming “BATTLE!!!” Or as I like to think of it ------- being armed with a friendly weapon. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/33 "2018-02-20T09:25:18Z")
I’d sleep naked when I was in the army - most of us did, at least for the hot half of the year. You keep your uniform and boots by your cot, and learn how to dress real quick. I’d wear fatigues that were two sizes too big for me, which means I wouldn’t have to deal with any buttons when pulling them on or taking them off. ---
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/34 "2018-02-20T11:08:44Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > Just not so well against the Eagles. Oh ------ you meant _those_ Vikings. 😃 > > Or as I like to think of it ------- being armed with a friendly weapon. 😉 🆒😃 I laughed out loud So? Your battle cry is what? 😃 “ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME”🆒 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/35 "2018-02-20T13:04:57Z")
I used to sleep naked, until we had a daughter, so now I wear pajama pants to bed (I rarely wear a shirt – it has to be REALLY cold for that), and the problem doesn’t come up. Before we had MilliCal, I used to sleep naked. One night the carbon monoxide alarm went off, producing an ear-splitting din. My wife was frantically trying to turn it off, without success, and eventually had to wake me up. (Yes – I slept through the incredible racket of a carbon monoxide detector. If we ever do have a carbon monoxide leak, I’m a goner.) So I get up through the vast noise and confusion, my wife yelling so I can hear her over the alarm, the cats running around in terror, and go over, naked, to solve the problem. I ignore the smoke detector, which my wife had been fiddling with on the mistaken assumption that it was the source of the noise, and go, naked, to the carbon monoxide detector and rip out the battery. Quiet ensues. TYhis is followed by an argument about whether we should open the windows. I argue for it, since the carbon monoxide alarm went off. My wife, Pepper Mill, says that the alarm probably went off because the battery was dying. And, besides, I’m naked. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/36 "2018-02-20T13:23:30Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > I guess I’d be nude in the back yard. > > There are worse things. Like being nude and unwashed in the back yard? 😃 Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/37 "2018-02-20T14:25:37Z")
No neighbors to be concerned about, not that I would be in an emergency. So freezing to death is the real concern. My and my Wifes car are 30 feet from the front door. Never lock them so I can at least get ‘shelter’. A blanket and extra coat is always in my car. My Wife has two sleeping bags in hers. Still I hope I remember my car keys. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/38 "2018-02-20T14:49:24Z")
If it was a truly life or death situation I might well up standing outside naked holding a bird cage with two cockatiels and a green cheek conure. Gut feeling that recovering from being seen naked is easier than recovering from, say, 3rd degree burns. But, barring something quite that catastrophic… in winter I tend to use my robe as a top blanket (keeps it warm for when I put it on in the morning) and next to or on the bed during the summer. I often have yesterday’s pants on the floor next to the bed. If all else fails, a sheet or blanket from the bed can cover me up. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/39 "2018-02-20T14:56:18Z")
Being clothed is low on the list of priorities during midnight emergencies - low enough to not bother planning for (the clothing, not the emergencies). If there’s time, I’ll go to the closet and grab a robe or some sweatpants. If not, well, I guess I’ll be outside naked until I can figure out something else; anyone else observing the scene is likely to be somewhat understanding if there are obvious extenuating circumstances (e.g. house burning down). I’m not going to start leaving an “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY” pile of clothes next to the bed. The one nagging fear I have in the back of my mind is when the extenuating circumstances are _not_ obvious: I’ve heard horror stories of people who learned they were prone to sleepwalking after being found naked in a hotel lobby or hallway. If I ever develop a tendency to sleepwalk, I hope I learn about it without seriously embarrassing myself like that. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152/40 "2018-02-20T16:00:49Z")
When I was working in Afghanistan, one of our guesthouses was attacked (I was in another city at the time) in the middle of the night. They breached the gates with a car bomb and then gunmen charged into the house. A colleague of mine who is a nude sleeper, ended up on the roof naked during a lengthy firefight. He spent most of the next day laying on his belly on a gravel roof while the fighting raged. Ever since then, when I’m in conflict zones I sleep in boxers and t-shirt and keep a pair of shoes under the bed. At home I just sleep naked. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nude-sleepers-whats-your-emergency-plan/809152.md?page=3)