# Number ONE reason I'm glad I don't have a penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2005, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450 "2005-10-29T09:12:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/1 "2005-10-29T09:12:52Z")
Even if drunk off my ass, as long as my ass can find the toilet seat, I won’ t spray piss all over Greater Mississippi. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/2 "2005-10-29T09:19:45Z")
It’s not that you won’t, even if you want to you can’t. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/3 "2005-10-29T09:52:59Z")
Have fun peeing in the woods, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/4 "2005-10-29T09:54:08Z")
Oh…and we can sit and pee too, if we want to. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/5 "2005-10-29T10:14:22Z")
Because I can unzip and wizz anywhere no matter how drunk. … … . . . . . . . . Also, because vagina feels wonderful with one. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/6 "2005-10-29T13:42:44Z")
Can you spell your name with pee? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/7 "2005-10-29T14:03:32Z")
It’s the threat of legal action that’s the drawback. When you have a penis, it can be ensued. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/8 "2005-10-29T14:31:01Z")
I’m glad I don’t have one because my pants are too tight and I’m sure I’d be getting the little guy stuck in the zipper all the time. I can only imagine that would be quite painful. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/9 "2005-10-29T14:44:50Z")
> [@Duke of Rat](#): > > Can you spell your name with pee? Sure. I just use a stencil. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/10 "2005-10-29T14:55:44Z")
> [@Jayn\_Newell](#): > > Sure. I just use a stencil. My first name begins with a pee, so I doubt I could spell it _without_ one. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/11 "2005-10-29T15:35:05Z")
Having one makes things like painting, driving, and climbing ladders a lot easier. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/12 "2005-10-29T15:38:16Z")
Number ONE reason I’m glad I don’t have a vagina: That bleeding thing. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/13 "2005-10-29T16:05:29Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Having one makes things like painting, driving, and climbing ladders a lot easier. Okay, I’m female, and I thought that was funny. 😛 Aside from the fact that, at my house, I am the painter, driver, and ladder climber. The human with the penis, here, is the computer programmer, tech services, snake-killing, trash-taker-outer. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/14 "2005-10-29T16:34:47Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > I’m glad I don’t have one because my pants are too tight and I’m sure I’d be getting the little guy stuck in the zipper all the time. I can only imagine that would be quite painful. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/15 "2005-10-29T16:39:20Z")
> [@Happy Lendervedder](#): > > That bleeding thing. Uh, band name? ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/16 "2005-10-29T16:57:21Z")
So what’s the number two reason? Maybe we can get a top ten going, here. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/17 "2005-10-29T17:39:57Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Cite? Cite which part of the statement? That my pants are too tight? That if I had a penis it would be a “little guy”? Or that getting a penis stuck in a zipper is quite painful? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/18 "2005-10-29T17:45:59Z")
> [@Happy Lendervedder](#): > > Number ONE reason I’m glad I don’t have a vagina: > > That bleeding thing. That bleeding thing, eh? Try childbirth sometime, it should put things in perspective. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/19 "2005-10-29T17:52:52Z")
> [@Susie Derkins](#): > > So what’s the number two reason? We’re talking about penises and vaginas here; what’s number two got to do with it? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/20 "2005-10-29T18:58:04Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > Cite which part of the statement? That my pants are too tight? That if I had a penis it would be a “little guy”? Or that getting a penis stuck in a zipper is quite painful? Well one is hypothetical; one is obvious. You’ll have to prove your pants are too tight. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450.md?page=2)