# Number ONE reason I'm glad I don't have a penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2005, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450 "2005-10-29T09:12:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/41 "2005-10-29T23:14:14Z")
> [@brightpenny](#): > > While I don’t have a penis, I would really really love to have a penis…in bed beside me. Tonight please. Your response reminds me of my response when my father used to tell me to “Eat your \_\_\_\_\_, it will put hair on your chest.” (said jokingly, of course) I would respond, “Yeah, but _whose_?” ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/42 "2005-10-29T23:21:14Z")
I forgot to mention that I would prefer to have a man attached to it. He’s the best part. Glad I don’t have one because I’m continually being surprised by the newness of experience and sensation my parts are capable of. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/43 "2005-10-29T23:22:00Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Then how do you hang on? Are vagina’s prehensile?I will thank you to not use the terms “penis” and “snake-killing” in the same paragraph. Such a juxtaposition causes such severe shrinkage, which at the wrong time will cause a penis to let go, resulting in falls from ladders, car crashes, and abstract paintings. In other words, penis will ensue. Wait a minute! Are you saying that your penis is prehensile and capable of hanging on to ladders, steering wheels and paintbrushes? So … uh … how you doin’? 😉 [sub]Any man who uses the user name “Muffin” must be pretty secure in his manliness. Then again, if his penis is prehensile that could explain his confidence.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/44 "2005-10-30T02:41:14Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > Wait a minute! Are you saying that your penis is prehensile and capable of hanging on to ladders, steering wheels and paintbrushes? Perhaps **Muffin** is a sea mammal. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/45 "2005-10-30T04:30:55Z")
Vaginas look like they should have teeth. ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/46 "2005-10-30T04:40:02Z")
> [@chaoticbear](#): > > Vaginas look like they should have teeth. Some do. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/47 "2005-10-30T04:57:41Z")
I, for one, welcome our new vagina overlord, **Anastasaeon**. Seems kind of oxymoronic, though. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/48 "2005-10-30T05:51:18Z")
Apropos of nothing, today I saw a low-budget comedy-horror movie about homosexual zombies during which one of the sashaying dead approached a rest-stop gigolo and presented his penis for some lovin’ only to have said member drop off due to rot. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/49 "2005-10-30T06:31:43Z")
Well, we can pee standing up without getting our under wet mostly usually well, not sopping wet not that, being drunk, we’d care that much… ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/50 "2005-10-30T07:52:18Z")
> [@Jman](#): > > Oh…and we can sit and pee too, if we want to. Ya know, I guess I shoulda thought of that. But… picture yourself, dancing around in the small confines of a bathroom, wrestling with 250 pounds of sleep-walking man … uh… the monster trouser-snake already out … _if_ I had gotten him to sit on it, I’m afraid the Old-Faithful type ouspoof would have been too much. I can picture hiim levitating above the toilet seat, grabbing on to the window sill… as he sailed away into Piss Heaven … Kiptin! I donna think she will hold !! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/51 "2005-10-30T12:09:28Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > I must admit, though, that having a penis in a home with kittens was a drawback. There I was, happily sleeping, only to wake in pain and horror. Seems that little kittie beasties had been thinking “SNAKE! SNAKE! IT’S A SNAKE!”, and then proceeded to badger my penis. > > I took to sleeping in jeans for a few months. Thanks for the warning. I’d been thinking of switching to sleeping au naturel, but I guess I won’t, now. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/52 "2005-10-30T22:46:45Z")
> [@FaerieBeth](#): > > Perhaps **Muffin** is a sea mammal. 😉 I wish, **FaerieBeth**! Those dolphin males must be laughing at us for our lack of a prehensile penis. Nah, **Wile E** , I’m just hoping to start an urban myth about men having prehensile penises. In truth, we don’t. But please keep that under your hat. (And my username is what my parents and their friends called me since I was a wee tot. Other members of my family have had life-long nick-names such as Shark, Speck and Cunny – and no, I have never had the courage to mention to my very religious and innocent cousins why their calling their daughter Cunny might not be the best idea. I guess by growing up in a family with a long tradition of silly names, being called Muffin was fine by me.) **Anastasaeon** , usually just two or three Os at a time, and seldom more than four, so I take my hat off to you. (Whoops, that dang prehensile penis just jumped out from under my hat again.) It’s a bit of a challenge to ride the line between orgasm and ejaculation, for the key to not ejaculating is to relax, which is often difficult when every fibre of your being wants to consume your partner. The nicest two things about it is that the orgasms tend to build, so the the final one is roaringly _amazing_, and it can be timed to match with my partner’s. **brightpenny** , I hear ya. The friends that I would most like to be with me tonight live one and two days away respestively. Curiosity, touch, exhilaration, passion, laughter, taste, smell, song, nervousness, joy, pain, relaxation, and most importantly, intimate connection. Thank goodness for friends with the right parts, whatever those parts may be. Sometimes not having someone to intimately snuggle up with is frustrating, but it makes the times together all the more fulfilling. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/53 "2005-10-31T01:15:23Z")
Number one reason for not having a vagina :- **Not** sleeping in the wet patch. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/54 "2005-10-31T01:17:50Z")
I’ll just have to content myself with the fact that I’ll be making about $14,000 a year more than I would without a penis. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/55 "2005-10-31T02:31:00Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Even if drunk off my ass, as long as my ass can find the toilet seat, I won’ t spray piss all over Greater Mississippi. > > That is all. Yeah, but can you do the same thing standing up? And can you draw a heart and write I Love \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ in the snow? ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/56 "2005-10-31T03:38:44Z")
It’s a sign that I’ve had a really bad couple of weeks that this thread is making me irrationally furious. I’d take some deep breaths, but they seem to make me hyperventilate. So I will stop checking it. Stupid sense of humor. It’s in Lake Charles, getting all moldy. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/57 "2005-10-31T04:11:54Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > **Anastasaeon** , usually just two or three Os at a time, and seldom more than four, so I take my hat off to you. (Whoops, that dang prehensile penis just jumped out from under my hat again.) It’s a bit of a challenge to ride the line between orgasm and ejaculation, for the key to not ejaculating is to relax, which is often difficult when every fibre of your being wants to consume your partner. The nicest two things about it is that the orgasms tend to build, so the the final one is roaringly _amazing_, and it can be timed to match with my partner’s. > > **brightpenny** , I hear ya. The friends that I would most like to be with me tonight live one and two days away respestively. Curiosity, touch, exhilaration, passion, laughter, taste, smell, song, nervousness, joy, pain, relaxation, and most importantly, intimate connection. Thank goodness for friends with the right parts, whatever those parts may be. Sometimes not having someone to intimately snuggle up with is frustrating, but it makes the times together all the more fulfilling. So Muffin, how _you_ doin’? This is my first time doin’ that… ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/58 "2005-10-31T05:21:30Z")
> [@David Simmons](#): > > Yeah, but can you do the same thing standing up? And can you draw a heart and write I Love \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ in the snow? Impressive bladder! All I get is the \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/59 "2005-10-31T10:09:07Z")
> [@Wesley Clark](#): > > I’ll just have to content myself with the fact that I’ll be making about $14,000 a year more than I would without a penis. Yes, but a vagina has much more earning potential. If I had a vagina I’d be rich. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2005, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450/60 "2005-10-31T12:14:47Z")
> [@brightpenny](#): > > So Muffin, how _you_ doin’? > > This is my first time doin’ that… Doin’ fine. Life is good on the pale blue dot. Haven’t been caught in a zipper for a long time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/number-one-reason-im-glad-i-dont-have-a-penis/328450.md?page=4)