# Nurse, bring me my cranio-rectal extractor... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 13, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955 "2012-12-13T20:29:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![furdmort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@furdmort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furdmort)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/1 "2012-12-13T20:29:34Z")
with the number 10 … no, make that the number 11 extractor jaws. This one’s in deep. So I was walking from the office to the parking lot whilst the snow is coming down. The streest has a an inch of snow on it, with ice underneath from the rain we had the last few days. This car pulls by, over in the wrong lane, and I look over at the driver. This stupid cow is driving in ice on snow and yakking in her bloody be damned cell phone. How fucking stupid do you have to be to do that? I guess she was lucky, 'cause by the time I got to my car on out on the road she was gone and there were no signs on an accident, but for fucks sake WHY do people take chances like that? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/2 "2012-12-13T21:29:28Z")
_Because:_ [ol] [li]I matter. You don’t.[/li] [li]I am wildly overconfident in my abilities.[/li] [li]I’m an idiot. My name is Legion, for we are many.[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/3 "2012-12-13T22:33:46Z")
> [@furdmort](#): > > with the number 10 … no, make that the number 11 extractor jaws. This one’s in deep. > … This stupid cow is driving in ice on snow and yakking in her bloody be damned cell phone. > > How fucking stupid do you have to be to do that? I guess she was lucky, 'cause by the time I got to my car on out on the road she was gone and there were no signs on an accident, but for fucks sake WHY do people take chances like that? I dunno, but in all fairness to them, I’ll bet it was tough teaching a cow to drive a car. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/4 "2012-12-13T23:13:58Z")
> [@furdmort](#): > > This stupid cow is driving in ice on snow From your description, driving conditions are actually snow on ice. So it’s alright then. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/5 "2012-12-14T00:16:31Z")
In a frictionless environment, the kinetic force of the car is less, as it _slides_ to impact rather than accelerates. Something about mass and velocity, but math is hard. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/6 "2012-12-14T03:23:34Z")
I endorse this pitting. Idiots on cell phones are bad in good conditions, idiots on snow covered ice deserve to run off the side of the road and get stuck in slush while breaking their phone on the windshield. Then, they get to slog through the slush and snow and ice to the road in their work shoes and try to wave at all the other drivers who are on their cell phones and don’t notice them. Snow keeps falling, and the temp keeps going down, and in the morning there is a vaguely human shaped snowdrift next to the road. Man, I had too much fun typing that. So, yeah. I endorse this pitting 100% ---
**Author:** ![pikey\_pete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pikey\_pete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pikey_pete)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/7 "2012-12-14T03:55:55Z")
on the bright side idiots in heavy machinery operating in a low friction environment tend to solve their problem terminally. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/8 "2012-12-14T06:38:51Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > I dunno, but in all fairness to them, I’ll bet it was tough teaching a cow to drive a car. I literally LOL’d. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/9 "2012-12-14T07:29:42Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > From your description, driving conditions are actually snow on ice. So it’s alright then. Did you know that the Eskimos had over 57 words for snow, for 20 minutes in the 1960s. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/10 "2012-12-14T21:24:53Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > _Because:_ > > [ol] > [li]I matter. You don’t.[/li] > [li]I am wildly overconfident in my abilities.[/li] > [li]I’m an idiot. My name is Legion, for we are many.[/li][/ol] Way to post the perfect answer and kill the thread, dude. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/11 "2012-12-14T21:29:57Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > I endorse this pitting. Idiots on cell phones are bad in good conditions, idiots on snow covered ice deserve to run off the side of the road and get stuck in slush while breaking their phone on the windshield. Then, they get to slog through the slush and snow and ice to the road in their work shoes and try to wave at all the other drivers who are on their cell phones and don’t notice them. > > Snow keeps falling, and the temp keeps going down, and in the morning there is a vaguely human shaped snowdrift next to the road. > > Man, I had too much fun typing that. > > So, yeah. I endorse this pitting 100% I like this. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurse-bring-me-my-cranio-rectal-extractor/643955/12 "2012-12-14T22:52:39Z")
I’ll bet she was on the phone telling someone how difficult it is to drive in that weather.