# Nursery rhymes with a twist. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2019, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663 "2019-03-07T00:32:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Qwakkeddup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/90ced4/32.png) [@Qwakkeddup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwakkeddup)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/1 "2019-03-07T00:32:09Z")
Little boy blue come blow your horn, the sheep’s in the meadow, the cow’s in the corn. Where is the boy who looks after the sheep? Why he’s under the haystack, with Little Bo Peep!! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/2 "2019-03-07T00:43:51Z")
Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells, and one big fuckin’ onion. Told to me eons ago by a very innocent-looking young woman. She and I became good friends. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/3 "2019-03-07T11:43:32Z")
**Nursery rhymes with a twist.** No, it doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/4 "2019-03-07T12:10:26Z")
“Nursery Crymes” 🙂 (by Genesis) ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/5 "2019-03-07T12:13:48Z")
Choosy Doctor Gander Whither do you wander? Out into my waiting room To give the folks a gander. If I see and old man here on Medicare, I’ll grab him by his bad arm And kick him off his chair. An old Mad Magazine piece from when Medicare was new. Now Medicare for all is the popular thing among most. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/6 "2019-03-07T12:14:50Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > **Nursery rhymes with a twist.** > > No, it doesn’t. Bra…vo? ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/7 "2019-03-07T12:56:13Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Bra…vo? Well, arguably ignorance could’ve been fought. But it made me laugh because I heard it in a John Cleese voice. Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/8 "2019-03-07T14:06:32Z")
Mary had a little lamb and boy was the doctor surprised. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/9 "2019-03-07T14:23:33Z")
[George Carlin]Old King Cole was a merry old soul, And a merry old soul was he. He called for his pipe, And he called for his bowl… And I guess we all know about Old King Cole![/George Carlin] ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/10 "2019-03-07T14:25:57Z")
Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I always saw the little lamb But I never saw her bare (works better when spoken obviously) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/11 "2019-03-07T14:32:00Z")
Mary had a little lamb, A little toast, a little jam A little noodles, a little berries A little cheesecake, a little cherries. A little soda with lots of fuzz And oh, how sick our Mary was. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/12 "2019-03-07T14:35:06Z")
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, Eating her whey and curds; There came a big spider, who sat down beside her, And said, “That damned slop’s for the birds”. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/13 "2019-03-07T14:36:54Z")
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, Eating her whey and curds; There came a big spider, who sat down beside her, And she ate him too. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/14 "2019-03-07T15:09:15Z")
Er – that doesn’t rhyme… (not that there’s anything wrong with that). ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/15 "2019-03-07T15:36:30Z")
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, Eating her whey and curds; There came a big spider, who sat down beside her, And she ate him too._Oy vey_ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/16 "2019-03-07T15:47:11Z")
Lewis Carroll was there first: > [@](#): > > Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! > How I wonder what you’re at! > Up above the world you fly, > Like a tea tray in the sky. …and all the other parodies, of rhymes nobody today would remember if Carroll hadn’t made fun of them. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/17 "2019-03-07T15:50:44Z")
Hickory dickory dock Three mice ran up the clock The clock struck one The rest escaped with minor injuries ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/18 "2019-03-07T16:14:24Z")
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch two fifths of liquor Jack drank rum till he was numb And Jill was even sicker ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/19 "2019-03-07T16:36:09Z")
Not original to me, but: Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor daughter a dress But when she got there, the cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/20 "2019-03-07T16:40:29Z")
Baa baa black sheep, have you any weed? Yes sir! Yes sir! I have all you need! A bag for the master A joint for the dame And brownies for the boy who lives down the lane. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children she didn’t know what to do “Move out of the shoe!” Child Services said Now they live in a condo in Tampa instead. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663.md?page=2)