# Nursery rhymes with a twist. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2019, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663 "2019-03-07T00:32:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/21 "2019-03-07T17:13:22Z")
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over Rover took over For he had a bone of his own! ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/22 "2019-03-07T17:24:15Z")
There was an old woman Who lived in a shoe – She had so many children She didn’t know what to do; But, try as she might, She could never detect Which was the cause, And which the effect. (Not mine, much though I wish it were – credit for this one goes to Piet Hein.) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/23 "2019-03-07T17:31:31Z")
Mary had a little lamb. That’s what she gets for sleeping in the barn! ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/24 "2019-03-07T17:34:07Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Mary had a little lamb > She also had a bear … Now, the version I know relating to (ahem) bears is: Mary had a little bear The bear was good and kind And everywhere that Mary went You’d see her bear behind j ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/25 "2019-03-07T18:58:56Z")
Jack and Jill went up the hill Each carrying a quarter Jill came down with half a crown And it wasn’t for fetching water Not sure whom I heard it from, but sure didn’t come up with it. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/26 "2019-03-07T19:33:35Z")
Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been? I’ve been to London to see the Queen. Pussycat, pussycat, what did you there? Indulged in a bit of sub-cathedral rodent-intimidation. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/27 "2019-03-07T20:22:52Z")
> [@Isosleepy](#): > > Jack and Jill went up the hill > Each carrying a quarter > Jill came down with half a crown > And it wasn’t for fetching water > > Not sure whom I heard it from, but sure didn’t come up with it. Jack and Jill went up the hill Each had a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two fifty. ~Andrew Dice Clay ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/28 "2019-03-07T20:34:39Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > Jack and Jill went up the hill > Each had a buck and a quarter > > Jill came down with two fifty. > > ~Andrew Dice Clay And that is the mildest Andrew Dice Clay rhyme I’ve ever heard. He made nursery-rhymes-with-a-vulgar-twist his trademark. Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candlestick Jack burned off his fuckin’ dick ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/29 "2019-03-07T22:23:45Z")
Little boy blue, come blow your horn The sheep’s in the meadow, the cow’s in the corn Oh just stay where you are, I’m such a jerk Blowing a horn at the livestock won’t work ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/30 "2019-03-07T22:28:34Z")
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man Bake me a cake as fast as you can Roll it and pat it and mark it with a “B” But please make sure that it’s gluten free. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/31 "2019-03-07T22:34:08Z")
Eeny, meeny miny moe Catch a tiger by the toe To a horrible death you’ll surely go Eeny meeny miny moe. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hairy\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@The\_Hairy\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hairy_One)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2019, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/32 "2019-03-07T23:00:38Z")
Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie When the pie was opened A shrivelled blackbird sat Saying “alright lads, A joke’s a joke. What rotten sod did that?” Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/33 "2019-03-08T02:27:37Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > Mary had a little lamb > > and boy was the doctor surprised. Not nearly as much as when Old MacDonald had a _FARM_… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/34 "2019-03-08T02:36:47Z")
Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun Stupid Jill forgot the pill So now they have a son ---
**Author:** ![Qwakkeddup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/90ced4/32.png) [@Qwakkeddup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwakkeddup)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/35 "2019-03-08T04:51:24Z")
Let’s see how badly I can screw this one up. Little Jack Horner sat in the corner covered in Christmas pie, armed with more, she did implore, checking for plums my eye! ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/36 "2019-03-08T05:46:16Z")
Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold, Pease porridge back of fridge, blue-green mold. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/37 "2019-03-08T06:15:32Z")
Rose’s are red Violet’s are blue Mine are orange What colour are yours? ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/38 "2019-03-08T08:06:01Z")
I had a little nut-tree And nothing would it bear But a silver nutmeg And a golden pear. An erudite biologist Proclaimed, “That cannot be”; So I hanged him from the topmost branch Of said nut-tree. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/39 "2019-03-08T09:20:01Z")
jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water jack fell down on top of jill and now they have a daughter … ---
**Author:** ![PoppaSan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/poppasan/32/189_2.png) [@PoppaSan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoppaSan)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2019, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663/40 "2019-03-08T13:36:20Z")
Mary had a little lamb a little pork, a little ham. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nursery-rhymes-with-a-twist/830663.md?page=3)