# nurses and erections question **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 30, 2010, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975 "2010-08-30T06:54:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/61 "2010-08-31T19:00:08Z")
> [@TerpBE](#): > > I know of a guy who suffered a neck injury and was paralyzed. During his long hospital stay, he would occasionally get erections. One day one of the nurses was kind enough to lend a hand and take care of it for him. It wasn’t like a porno fantasy, though. He explained that she wasn’t attractive and performed it in a very clinical way. If you seriously believe this, you are one gullible SOB. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/62 "2010-08-31T19:05:05Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > > [@TerpBE](#): > > > > I know of a guy who suffered a neck injury and was paralyzed. During his long hospital stay, he would occasionally get erections. One day one of the nurses was kind enough to lend a hand and take care of it for him. It wasn’t like a porno fantasy, though. He explained that she wasn’t attractive and performed it in a very clinical way. > > If you seriously believe this, you are one gullible SOB. in Holland it happens > [@willthekittensurvive](#): > > I thought the OP was asking about [this](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/netherlands/7424967/Dutch-nurses-sexual-services-are-not-part-of-our-job.html) > > > [@](#): > > > > Dutch nurses are to launch a national campaign against demands for sexual services by patients who claim it should be part of their standard care. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/63 "2010-08-31T19:20:44Z")
So let me get this straight… I’m in the hospital for some reason, with my pants off and my manhood out in the open. A nurse or doctor comes in and I get a stiffy. So to save me further embarrassment, the nurse/doctor whacks the end of my dick? That saves embarrassment how? “On the one hand, I no longer have a stiffy. On the other, _you whacked my penis!_” ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/64 "2010-08-31T19:41:06Z")
> [@TerpBE](#): > > I know of a guy who suffered a neck injury and was paralyzed. During his long hospital stay, he would occasionally get erections. One day one of the nurses was kind enough to lend a hand and take care of it for him. It wasn’t like a porno fantasy, though. He explained that she wasn’t attractive and performed it in a very clinical way. My mother works in home health and she’s been asked to do this. Standard procedure\* is document it in a report to the supervisors who’ll usually only schedule male nurses or aids from then on. If that doesn’t stop it or the patient complains about having male personel sent the agency director meets with him or his caregiver and tells them to find another home health agency. \*If it’s a dementia patient something like this would just be ingnored, unless the patient starts getting physical or tries to assault staff. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/65 "2010-08-31T20:13:08Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > So let me get this straight… I’m in the hospital for some reason, with my pants off and my manhood out in the open. A nurse or doctor comes in and I get a stiffy. So to save me further embarrassment, the nurse/doctor whacks the end of my dick? That saves embarrassment how? > > “On the one hand, I no longer have a stiffy. On the other, _you whacked my penis!_” “Thank you Mistress-may I have another?” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/66 "2010-08-31T20:17:23Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Stupid non-refreshing tabs. You should have had a V8. ---
**Author:** ![CC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@CC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CC)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/67 "2010-08-31T20:20:29Z")
I’m thinking this is a question for The Master. After all, we have many FOAF anecdotes here, nurses who disavow any knowledge of the concept, and children of nurses who swear this is what their moms told them. I lean toward the prolonged adolescent fantasy mentality that infects those of us with dicks, and doubt its veracity. But with such contradictory reports, who are we to believe? Oh, Cecil? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/68 "2010-08-31T20:39:37Z")
> [@CC](#): > > I’m thinking this is a question for The Master. After all, we have many FOAF anecdotes here, nurses who disavow any knowledge of the concept, and children of nurses who swear this is what their moms told them. I lean toward the prolonged adolescent fantasy mentality that infects those of us with dicks, and doubt its veracity. But with such contradictory reports, who are we to believe? Oh, Cecil? Zotti is an expert in male fantasies and general dick mistreatment? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Sinisterniik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/51bf81/32.png) [@Sinisterniik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinisterniik)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/69 "2010-08-31T23:14:37Z")
> [@CC](#): > > I’m thinking this is a question for The Master. I second. As for the OP, I decided to rise to the occasion and take a whack at this towering problem. After a bit of toying with my hypothesis I finally got a result: flicking = didn’t work spoon whacking = didn’t work looking at a picture of Joe Lieberman = worked! So I know that every guy is a little different, but I’m calling this a bunch of bull. That being said, it still may have been considered an accepted method way back when, given all of the anecdotes. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/70 "2010-08-31T23:20:53Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > So let me get this straight… I’m in the hospital for some reason, with my pants off and my manhood out in the open. A nurse or doctor comes in and I get a stiffy. So to save me further embarrassment, the nurse/doctor whacks the end of my dick? That saves embarrassment how? > > “On the one hand, I no longer have a stiffy. On the other, _you whacked my penis!_” By eliminating the source of the embarrassment? Makes sense to me. So what if they whacked your peepee? Likely as not they were going to touch it anyway, depending on why they have you stripped down to begin with. But this made me think of something- the quickest way for a nurse to kill a boner would be to **point at it and giggle.** Instant wilt. No muss, no fuss, no spoon, no touching. . ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/71 "2010-08-31T23:28:54Z")
[QUOTE=AHunter3] Why the hell does anyone care if someone’s penis gets erect? Just ignore it and get on with your work. [/QUOTE] That’s also a quote from the Sterling Cooper Secretarial Manual, 1961. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/72 "2010-08-31T23:48:01Z")
> [@psychobunny](#): > > Not a nurse but in med school we were taught to ignore and go on to another part of the exam This is what we were/are being taught as well. If we have to do a physical exam, just to wait a bit, or to continue on to another part of the exam until it’s gone. Nothing about actually interacting with it in order to decrease it. Just wait it out, or if the patient was really embarrassed, to make an excuse and leave the room (“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot some paperwork outside” “Oh, I’ve just been paged, hang on, I’ll be back in 2-5 mins, alright?”), otherwise just wait it out and finish the rest of the exam and come back to it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/73 "2010-09-01T00:16:02Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > By eliminating the source of the embarrassment? Makes sense to me. So what if they whacked your peepee? It is not appropriate to whack a person just because you do not like how they look. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/74 "2010-09-01T00:27:08Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Jeez, half the people in this thread can find out for themselves if being flicked with a spoon will deflate an errection, and _no one_ is willing to try it? I’m sure there is a website for it, but I don’t think I am brave enough to look. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/75 "2010-09-01T00:38:44Z")
I looked around for nurse erection videos and it appears there are a lot of things nurses can do. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/76 "2010-09-01T00:44:58Z")
Related pretext: A young med school grad was assigned to perform his first solo medical exam. He walked into the room to find a voluptuous young woman sitting on the examination table, totally nude. Determined to act professionally, he introduced himself, then said he was going to listen to her chest. He placed the stethescope in a strategic location, but could not pick up a heart beat. He asked her to breath in, then out, but still heard no sounds. He tried different locations, asked her to cough, all to no avail. With panic evident on his face, the young woman remarked ‘That might work better if you stuck those little things in your ears’. Back to the main topic: If a nurse flicks your erection, you could say ‘That might work better if you…’ ---
**Author:** ![MeDrewNotYou](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@MeDrewNotYou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeDrewNotYou)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/77 "2010-09-01T03:21:27Z")
This is somewhat unrelated true story, but since we all love a good dick joke… A few years ago, I was having very painful urination. My GP couldn’t find any infection, so I’m sent off to the urologist. The urologist decides to do a cystoscopy (For which I was fortunately put under, since it was suspected they might have to do other stuff while there. They absolutely suck when you’re awake.) I wake up, and when I’m sober enough, the doctor comes by with a semi-grave look on his face, looks up and grinned slightly, and said, “I’m sorry, but I think that’s going to have to come off.” I nearly had a heart attack laughing. I should point out that we were certain that this wasn’t a terribly serious problem, so it isn’t like the doctor went around saying this to penile cancer patients or something. ---
**Author:** ![Sinisterniik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/51bf81/32.png) [@Sinisterniik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinisterniik)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/78 "2010-09-01T04:08:56Z")
“Doctor, my brain hurts…” It’s a good thing you have a sense of humor! ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/79 "2010-09-01T05:09:16Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > > [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > > > By eliminating the source of the embarrassment? Makes sense to me. So what if they whacked your peepee? > > It is not appropriate to whack a person just because you do not like how they look. It’s also not appropriate to whack a person because they like how you look ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975/80 "2010-09-01T05:20:27Z")
Since whacking a boner is not a medical treatment, the consent the patient gave for medical treatment does not authorize the health care practitioner to whack the patient, making the whacking an assault. I have no idea what might have gone on in years past, but as far as today goes, I very much doubt if current best practices include whacking boners, for it would open up the health care practitioners and the institutions for which they work to liability. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nurses-and-erections-question/551975.md?page=5)