# Nutty Analogies? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 28, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561 "2000-04-28T18:11:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Basil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Sweet\_Basil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Basil)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2000, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/1 "2000-04-29T05:59:00Z")
Do you have some nutty analogies you use a lot that you could share? (Are you from the South?!) Do you know any gems like: Nuttier than a squirrel’s breakfast Greener than the pee-stains in an Irishman’s underpants Grinning like a mule eating garlic Harder than Chinese algebra ? Sweet Basil * * * [SRB](http://www.selfrighteousbrothers.com) will get you girls!! ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/2 "2000-04-28T18:11:00Z")
In reference to someone’s intelligence: Sharp as a sack of wet mice. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/3 "2000-04-28T18:15:00Z")
Well, I had mentioned to Ike that this message board “goes down like a two-dollar whore on Saturday night.” Always liked describing dumb people as “thicker than two short planks.” ---
**Author:** ![Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/4 "2000-04-28T18:15:00Z")
‘Colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra.’ ‘Hotter than a two-peckered billy goat.’ * * * **TMR** Patron Saint of Clever Retorts. What’s it to you? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/5 "2000-04-28T18:17:00Z")
Oh, yes—after seeing herself in “Die, Die, My Darling,” Tallulah Bankhead described herself as “looking older than God’s wet-nurse.” ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/6 "2000-04-28T18:34:00Z")
To describe a fat person: “He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.” * * * Chaim Mattis Keller [ckeller@kozmo.com](mailto:ckeller@kozmo.com) “Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.” – Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/7 "2000-04-28T18:37:00Z")
A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp A face like a slapped arse A butt as big as Belgium As flat as a fart As welcome as a beartrap in a lucky dip As useless as a one legged man in an ass-kicking competition As useful as a rubber walking stick As funny as a funeral in Wigan on a wet Wednsday afternoon Low enough to walk under a snakes belly, wearing a top hat As happy as a crucified Catholic ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/8 "2000-04-28T18:38:00Z")
hotter than a whore’s ass on dollar night * * * One of the few to be personally welcomed to this board by Ed Zotti. Yours truly, aha ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/9 "2000-04-28T18:39:00Z")
Whenever I taste or smell something horribly disgusting I say “That would gag a maggot.” * * * You can keep your Wally sig, because SwimmingRiddles designated me as St. Mullinator: Patron Saint of Republicans That SwimmingRiddles Respects! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/10 "2000-04-28T18:40:00Z")
Dumber than a box of rocks. A box of **STOOPID** rocks! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/11 "2000-04-28T18:47:00Z")
As clever as a bowl full of hair. ---
**Author:** ![JonF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JonF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonF)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/12 "2000-04-28T18:50:00Z")
I like to say that quantum mechanics is weirder than a snake’s suspenders. * * * jrf ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/13 "2000-04-28T22:01:00Z")
Well, this shit in here is about as funny as a two-story outhouse. ---
**Author:** ![Zico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a88e4f/32.png) [@Zico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zico)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2000, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nutty-analogies/16561/14 "2000-04-29T14:28:18Z")
She’s so ugly she looks like someone set fire to her face and beat the flames out with a shovel. And if anyone here knows of the British politician Ann Widdecombe, you’ll understand what I mean. If you don’t here’s a pic I knocked up earlier : [http://porkypies.tripod.com/widdecombe.jpg](http://porkypies.tripod.com/widdecombe.jpg) Ay Caramba !