# NYPD Officer McDonald, you are an asshole **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 26, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764 "2004-11-26T17:16:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/21 "2004-11-28T16:11:18Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > If I could rest my dick on my shoulder I don’t think I would be miserable. (Though this may give an all-too-vivid literalism to your “fuckhead” comment.) Unless you got a hard-on, because it would probably break your jaw… That sucks, **cmkeller** - nothing really to contribute beyond my sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/22 "2004-11-28T20:44:34Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > Shit, I’d have lost it. Ahh, but you see, if you lose it here in Boston, say, you get the fucking shit beaten out of you. I once slid on a patch of ice glazing an overpass and rear-ended a car ahead of me. I was not exceeding the speed limit; the overpass had about a thirty-foot-long puddle toward one end of it, and when I tapped my brakes, they locked. I slid helplessly into the next car. Sure, it was my fault as far as insurance goes, but I was moving well under the speed limit. At any rate, I sure as hell wasn’t clocked. So we wait for officer McFuckstick to arrive, we fill out the necessary paperwork, etc., and I’m about to go on my merry way. As I’m opening my car, I feel a tap on my shoulder. It’s Officer McFuckstick, handing me a ticket. “What’s this for?” I ask. “Foah exceedin’ thah posted speed limit.” “Wait…what?” “Oh, you wanna tell me you wasn’t speedin’ when you hit that othah cah?” “I slid on this huge frigging ice slick! I couldn’t stop! The other car barely got a scratch!” “Yah, so you just slid intah the cah doin’ twenty coz it picked up speed on the ice?” “What in the hell are you talking about…” “Don’t you raise yoah voice at me, mistah…” “What is this? Jesus Christ, give me the ticket then, I’ll contest it!” I made a motion to grab the ticket. Bad move. Out shoots one arm for mine, the other has a nightstick in it lickity spit. “What the…?” “You make one moah fuckin’ move an’ I’ll bust yoah muthafuckin’ head in, you got that?” “Jesus Christ!” “Whad’you fuckin’ say tah me?” “I…” “Hah? You got anything moah t’fuckin’ say t’me?” “no” “Good! Now take yah fuckin’ tickit, and get th’ fuck outta my sight, an’ if I heah one fuckin’ word more outta you I’m gonna fuckin’ bust yoah fuckin’ head in, you got that?” “…”! So he throws the ticket at me, and storms off. Needless to say I called a lawyer. The lawyer asked me if I had any witnesses, and I said none that I knew of, since the other car had driven away. He said if I could track down anyone who had driven by and could get them to testify, I might have a case. Obviously, that was virtually impossible. Who would I call on to help me, the police? I protested the ticket, and that little battle I won, at least, since the officer’s case, without clocking me or having performed an accident reconstruction, was laughable to begin with. I mentioned to the judge my concerns about the officer’s behavior (he was not present for the hearing), and she told me I would need to file a complaint, etc. I didn’t bother, as it was clear I had no recourse in this system and I’d better just forget about it. I have held the Boston P.D. in very low esteem ever since. Whatever you do, don’t raise your voice or in any way disrespect a cop. They require very little excuse to use brutal force on you, and the slightest wrong move or provocation can clearly be construed as a threat worthy of bludgeoning the suspected attacker. Smile, nod, speak only when spoken to, take whatever they’re dishing out, no matter how abusive, and argue your case in court. I made a stupid mistake in showing my anger at being falsely accused, and know now to simply not expect fair treatment or professionalism. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/23 "2004-11-28T21:02:45Z")
Well, now I finally know what those “P MUNI meters” are I see on the street. I thought the city was taking a poll on how much you like Paul Muni movies. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/24 "2004-11-29T17:41:48Z")
**cmkeller** , one of the local news stations recently did a short on that…I only saw the teaser blurb. Probably Fox, might have been UPN. Don’t suppose you were in on that? I recently got a ticket (same area, one of the streets between Austin St and Queens Blvd) when the slip accidentally flipped while shutting the door on a windy day. I’m contesting it, obviously. I pled “Not Guilty” by mail. So far, I haven’t had to appear in court, nor do I expect to. Also, I’m paying more attention to which way the slip faces when I close my doors. What I want to know is (a) how you found a parking space at that time of day and (b) how you were able to get into and out of a store in 20 minutes. I often have to park up on Queens Blvd or near Yellowstone, and the walk takes most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![dasgupta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e56c9b/32.png) [@dasgupta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dasgupta)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/25 "2004-11-29T19:48:14Z")
[hijack] Ooooh, so many Forest Hills dopers. I could start waving out my window in the hopes that you’re all driving by. [/hijack] I had a similar situation on the Jersey turnpike. Many years ago, no doubt the officer saw a bunch of teens with NY plates and gave me tickets for speeding (67 in a 65 zone), riding in the left lane (what the…?) and obstructed view (a graduation tassle on the mirror). When I told him that my spedometer clearly displayed 65, he said that I should get an inspection as his said 67. I asked him if there wasn’t a certain percentage of error in the calibration and he suddenly turned into Officer McBigDick. > [@Office McBigDick](#): > > Well maybe I’ll show you how correct my spedometer is as you sit in the back seat bleeding while we go to the fucking station. My friends wisely told me to shut up and take the tickets. I couldn’t even fight them since I was leaving for Australia in a week. Bastard. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/26 "2004-11-29T19:56:36Z")
Ugh. What a fucknut. I had one bad experience with a parking ticket that I guess was partly my fault, but it still pisses me off. I went to see my girlfriend on a Saturday. I put enough quarters in the meter to last me past 6pm, when the meters are no longer in effect. Sunday morning, we got heavy wet snow – a ton of it. That afternoon, it melted just enough to become a sea of slush. Then a snowplow came by and buried the rear, side, and front of my car in slush. A good two feet of it. And underneath was completely slush up to my car. That night, the temperature dropped to about 5 degrees, turning the slush into a solid block of ice. I had to take the bus home to get warmer clothes and weapons of ice destruction. When I got back, of course, I had a ticket for parking at a violated meter. A city meter, which of course the city blocked me into. Bastards. I got so mad that I was no longer cold, and had enough rage to chip myself out in about 4 hours. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/27 "2004-11-29T22:55:55Z")
Cheesesteak: > [@](#): > > Mail in your ticket with copies of the two receipts along with a letter detailing what happened. and D\_Odds: > [@](#): > > I pled “Not Guilty” by mail. So far, I haven’t had to appear in court, nor do I expect to. Yeah, I could probably do it by mail as well, but I feel much better when I plead my case before a live person. If he/she has questions or doubts I can address them directly. > [@](#): > > cmkeller, one of the local news stations recently did a short on that…I only saw the teaser blurb. Probably Fox, might have been UPN. Don’t suppose you were in on that? Wish I could say I was, but I had no idea. I don’t have broadcast TV. For fun, I watch videos on a TV with no antenna, and for info, I have newspapers, radio and the internet. > [@](#): > > What I want to know is (a) how you found a parking space at that time of day 50% pure luck, 50% the fact that all parking spots on 71st/Continental were going to become a no-standing zone at 4 PM, so not many people parked there 30 minutes before that time. (Officer Asshole was giving tickets to those unfortunate few whose cars were still there a few minutes before it was actually 4 PM). > [@](#): > > (b) how you were able to get into and out of a store in 20 minutes. I actually wasn’t…my wife was still in the store when I ran out, knowing I had to feed the meter. And then after the incident I describe in the OP, I ran back to the car before Officer Asshole could give me another ticket for being parked there at 4 PM, and circled the block until she came out. and (b) how you were able to get into and out of a store in 20 minutes. I often have to park up on Queens Blvd or near Yellowstone, and the walk takes most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/28 "2004-11-30T00:04:14Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > When I got back, of course, I had a ticket for parking at a violated meter. Violating a parking meter during freezing weather, right there on the sidewalk? Won’t someone think of the children who might see this act of depravity? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/29 "2004-11-30T00:39:46Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > **cmkeller** , one of the local news stations recently did a short on that…I only saw the teaser blurb. Probably Fox, might have been UPN. Don’t suppose you were in on that? There was one of those ‘7 on your side’'s on WABC tonight. A woman got a ticket while on her way back to her car from the munimeter. And I always thought I was being paranoid when I was afraid of just that. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/30 "2004-11-30T18:30:04Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > There was one of those ‘7 on your side’'s on WABC tonight. A woman got a ticket while on her way back to her car from the munimeter. And I always thought I was being paranoid when I was afraid of just that. I am not a traffic cop, but I suspect that they do this because they have unreasonable quotas (which aren’t called quotas, of course) that they must reach. They don’t care if it is contested and the city loses, just that they wrote x amount of tickets in y time. It’s a pretty thankless job. Probably the asses hit their quotas more often, get better reviews and a better gig, thus leading others to think “assholenitude” is the way to go. Just a theory. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/31 "2004-11-30T21:32:32Z")
Update: I went in for a hearing and got the ticket dismissed today. D\_Odds: > [@](#): > > It’s a pretty thankless job. Damn straight it is…I’ll never thank them for doing it. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/32 "2004-12-01T03:08:23Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > I am not a traffic cop, but I suspect that they do this because they have unreasonable quotas (which aren’t called quotas, of course) that they must reach. They don’t care if it is contested and the city loses, just that they wrote x amount of tickets in y time. It’s a pretty thankless job. Probably the asses hit their quotas more often, get better reviews and a better gig, thus leading others to think “assholenitude” is the way to go. Just a theory. They could acheive the same thing by simply being sticklers for the rules: “Regulations permit me to use my own watch when determining overtime violations. If you feel that this in unfair, you can contest the ticket in court.” or “I’m sorry sir, once I’ve started writing the ticket, I’m required by regulations to complete it. You can contest it in traffic court but I have to give it to you now.” That would still get them just as many tickets written without also pointlessly burning through the goodwill the NYPD gained with the public after you-know-when. I’m glad you got the dismissal, **cmkeller**. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Llama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@The\_Llama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Llama)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/33 "2004-12-01T07:25:56Z")
> [@TeaElle](#): > > or > > “I’m sorry sir, once I’ve started writing the ticket, I’m required by regulations to complete it. You can contest it in traffic court but I have to give it to you now.” Very, very true. And they’re efficiency goals, not quotas. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/34 "2004-12-01T22:26:25Z")
> [@TeaElle](#): > > They could acheive the same thing by simply being sticklers for the rules: > “Regulations permit me to use my own watch when determining overtime violations. If you feel that this in unfair, you can contest the ticket in court.” > > or > > “I’m sorry sir, once I’ve started writing the ticket, I’m required by regulations to complete it. You can contest it in traffic court but I have to give it to you now.” > > That would still get them just as many tickets written without also pointlessly burning through the goodwill the NYPD gained with the public after you-know-when. > > I’m glad you got the dismissal, **cmkeller**. C’mon now, we’re talking **New Yawk**. Manners? Courtesy? HAH! **cmkeller** ’s probably lucky he didn’t get maced. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/35 "2004-12-01T23:39:41Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > I am not a traffic cop, but I suspect that they do this because they have unreasonable quotas (which aren’t called quotas, of course) that they must reach. They don’t care if it is contested and the city loses, just that they wrote x amount of tickets in y time. It’s a pretty thankless job. Probably the asses hit their quotas more often, get better reviews and a better gig, thus leading others to think “assholenitude” is the way to go. Just a theory. Very possibly right. I have a parking placard that exempts me from a fair amount of parking regulations while I’m on agency business. There are often a number of cars with such plaques from various agencies parked in the same area. Every now and then, a whole row of such cars is ticketed, I assume because it’s quota time since the traffic agent certainly didn’t fail to see _any_ of them. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/36 "2004-12-02T00:08:50Z")
> [@](#): > > C’mon now, we’re talking New Yawk. Manners? Courtesy? HAH! cmkeller’s probably lucky he didn’t get maced. Now, that’s just un-called for. “Miss Manners’ Guide to the Big Apple” specifically says that mace is not appropriate until the third offense (excepting violent resistance, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/37 "2004-12-02T17:09:54Z")
Fight the case and win. Log every second of time spent on it and every penny of expense. Then sue the bastard in small claims court for expense plus $100 an hour of time. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764/38 "2004-12-02T17:49:53Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Fight the case and win. Log every second of time spent on it and every penny of expense. > Then sue the bastard in small claims court for expense plus $100 an hour of time. The bastard probably has immunity while performing an official function, even if his performance of it was utter shite. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nypd-officer-mcdonald-you-are-an-asshole/276764.md?page=1)